December 10, 2008 to January 28, 2009 – Happy Birthday Katelynn and Daria

To my dearest Katelynn and Daria,

The two of you have now been with us for a year, and what an amazing journey it has been.  A year ago to this day, you decided to make your grand entrance into the world fifteen weeks ahead of schedule.  While both of you have officially turned one, you are still playing catch up with your development tracking at roughly 8.75 months adjusted age.  It is truly a miracle to look back at how small the two of you were at birth.  Katelynn, it seemed as though you barely registered on the scale at 1 pound 8 ounces at birth, but look how far you have come to be a full 16 pounds 5 ounces at your weigh-in yesterday.  Likewise, Daria, your tiny 1 pound 9 ounce birth weight has climbed up to 15 pounds 7 ounces.  As great as this is, both of you girls still need to gain more weight to help with your physical and mental development.  If you could only see how much effort your mother and I have put in during the time you came home to help you grow.

Somehow, there is still a relentless force driven by your extreme prematurity that is working hard against us in keeping both of you properly nourished.  We have brought you to see your pediatrician, a dietician, and three speech pathologists/feeding therapists to do whatever we can to make sure you thrive.  Just yesterday, we spoke with your dietician and agreed that it is now time to have a pediatric gastroenterologist examine both of you to see what can be done with the persistent acid reflux that seems to adapt itself, first to Zantac, then next to the Prevacid medications that have become a part of your daily lives.  As much as your mother and I fear the thought of having a gastric feeding tube, or G-tube, placed in one or both of you to make sure you are nourished, we are working hard to prepare ourselves to accept this as a possibility.  I just wish you both could reassure us that we haven’t failed you as your parents.  It just breaks our hearts to think that we have tried all we can and it may still come down to the fact that we were not able to feed you as normal parents should.  Then again, there is nothing about this past year that has been even close to being “normal.”  We are now waiting to get the appointment with the GI doctor set so we can find out what our options are.  The dietician tells us that she has worked with kids for over twenty years and has seen how much relief a G-tube has provided to patients, but what is more important to your mother and me is knowing that we are doing what is best for the two of you in the long-term.  As it was explained to us, the goal is the make sure the two of you take in enough nourishment in your early development, since it will have a great impact on attributes such as intelligence.  I promise you that your mother and I will do whatever we can to help both of you be the best you can be.

As gloomy as everything may seem, Katelynn and Daria, please know that since December 9^th of last year, many special things have happened.  We had the opportunity to celebrate Christmas together as a family of five.  Mommy even put up the two special ornaments I bought for you from Disney World when I had to be away on business last October.  I can’t wait until you’re old enough to understand their significance.  After putting the year behind us, you also had the chance to wish your big brother Adam a very happy sixth birthday at his party.  While you were too young to join Adam and his friends to watch Bolt in 3-D at the theater, you sure did get a lot of attention at Steve’s Pizza.  January is full of other birthdays too, as we took Grandpa Owyang out to lunch for his birthday.

Four days ago, on the 24^th, we had a very special birthday party for the two of you at Grandpa’s restaurant, Fortune House.  We invited family and special friends that played a special role in taking care of our family while the two of you were in the hospital for the first three and a half months of your lives, and even after you came home last May.  About forty people came to your party and we could have invited even more people, but we wanted to keep it smaller so Mommy and I could whisk you away quickly for your afternoon feeding and nap.  The two of you were so adorable in your pink and gray dresses, and I think Mommy did a fantastic job in making a laminated, magnet-backed photo of the two of you as a party favor. 

We also celebrated Chinese New Year on the 26^th, and it happens to be the year of the Ox.  That’s Daddy’s Chinese zodiac animal, so it means I’m turning thirty-six this year.  Can you believe it?  What’s even more amazing is how the two of you and your big brother did not fall into the zodiac animal designations  you were supposed to be because the of the Chinese lunar calendar.  If the two of you were born in May around your due dates, or even if you weren’t so early, you would have been born in the year of the Rat, Mommy’s zodiac animal.  Instead, you came so prematurely, you were born at the end of the year of the Boar.  Adam did the same thing and was born in the year of the Horse instead of the Ram.  We’ll just keep confusing our non-Chinese friends with this bit of family trivia for the rest of our lives.

So what else has happened in the past two months?  Well, President Obama was sworn in last week and this is significant because he’s the first African-American president in the history of our nation.  We pray that he’ll do all he promises to do to help our country get back on its feet, especially with how bad our economy has been.  Daddy still counts his blessings every day that he not only employed, but given the awesome privilege of working from home.  We don’t know how we would do it if I was away from you during this time.  More importantly, Daddy thanks God that his medical benefits have helped cover the costs we have incurred with your births.  Would you believe that the bills have hit just about $2 million for the two of you?  You are both miracle babies and are priceless in every sense!

Katelynn and Daria, as long, difficult and scary as it has been for us this past year, you two have been an inspiration not only to me, but so many others.  Katelynn, you have shown me just how strong you are by defying the odds after experiencing a grade IV intra-ventricular hemorrhage, the worst possible classification.  You battled through a couple of life-threatening bacterial infections, the potential loss of your vision, a frightening bout of infection-induced seizures, and multiple surgeries.  Still, you smile at me and Mommy everyday with the love and trust that we will do our best to take care of you.  Daria, while you did not experience quite as many medical complications as your sister, you still have shown us how much of a fighter you are.  I still remember how difficult it was to escort you to the John Muir Medical Center in Walnut creek last spring when we learned that your retinopathy of prematurity (ROP) wasn’t getting better after your first round of laser eye surgery.  Those ten days we spent together separated from Mommy, Katelynn and Adam were tough, but seem like nothing compared to the scare we got when they used too much anesthesia on you during the first operation.  When they had to give you Narcan, it was horrifying to see how it made your heart rate and pulse skyrocket so quickly.  Now I look at your bright and cheery eyes everyday and thank the Lord that you have your sight.  Not only that, my heart almost flutters when I witness you using your eyes to enjoy the pleasures of life, like you do when you laugh at your brother dancing around to amuse you. 

Girls, I know it has been really hard to keep a consistent journal of everything that is happening around you on a day to day basis.  Between work, your feedings, spending quality time with you and the rest of the family, and keeping the house in a functional state, I can’t seem to squeeze out a minute without sacrificing time for something else.  I hope that you can keep me accountable and remind me that one day you are going to read this letter as well as the other pages of journaling I have done in our family blog.  I look forward to that time when we can share this as well as the pictures and videos documenting your amazing story.  As Mommy put in your party favors, miracles sometimes come in pairs.  Happy birthday to you both, Katelynn and Daria.  You are and always will be Daddy’s sweethearts.

October 29, 2008 to December 9, 2008 – Breaking the Silence with Hope

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:1-5 New International Version

It has been well over a month since I have posted a blog entry, and while there is much to share, I honestly feel overwhelmed by a mix of frustration, lethargy and shame.  Through a quiet moment of prayer tonight, I felt compelled to gather my fleeting thoughts and focus my energy on transforming the negativity into a productive time of writing.  The Lord prompted me to the fifth chapter of the apostle Paul’s letter to the Romans, and in the quiet calm of the evening, He reminded me I need to cease in my futile attempts to solve all my problems alone.  To properly set the stage and provide context as to while I have been silent for so long, please bear with me as I take you along the past month and share where I believe I have failed.

Since the end of October, life as it stands in my home has been very difficult.  Actually, “very difficult” may be more of an understatement… downright frustrating might be an accurate assessment.  In my last post I had explained how Jenn-Jen and I have been focusing our energy in maintaining Katelynn and Daria’s nutrition, and in many ways, it has been an ongoing battle.  Now that nearly a month and a half has passed, I stand here weary and regret to report that the frustration of failure is, unfortunately, outweighing the joy of success.  It is simply beginning to feel as if we are losing the war against Daria’s aversion to feeding.  All of our concentrated effort to ensure our girls are receiving enough calories has resulted in a spike in our stress levels, a drastic reduction in patience and what I believe is De Quervain’s Tenosynovitis (http://www.medicinenet.com/de_quervains_tenosynovitis/article.htm).  The later is a form of tendon inflammation often resulting from repetitive stress on the wrist, and unfortunately, is a price Jenn-Jen and I both have paid in our attempts to boost our twins’ nutritional intake by carrying them during feeding times.  I am going to contact my physician to see what options are best to help us both remedy the pain that has been with us for over a month now.

On a positive note, with the help of our feeding therapist, we have made strides in breaking through Katelynn’s feeding aversion.  I am very happy to report that Katelynn is now quite an easy feeder, even more so than a month or two ago.  Most of our feeding sessions take place in her bouncer seat, which is, thankfully, stress-free on our wrists.  Katelynn still requires us to hold her (and not be seated) to feed when she is tired, but this is truly a small price to pay when we see the fruits of our labor through the end result of the empty bottle.  If Daria could only emulate her sister, we would honestly have nothing to complain about.

My friends and family, in writing this post, I hesitate to share about our feeding struggles, as I really feel as if I am some sort of automated message on an endless loop.  Feedings have been our bane ever since the little light in Katelynn and Daria’s developing brains switched on and informed them that their drinking and sucking is no longer a reflex, but a voluntary behavior.  Coupling this with their acid reflux makes for an extremely unpleasant experience, no matter the fact that we are combating that negativity with daily medication, continuous positive reinforcement and somewhat increasingly unsuccessful attempts to maximize calories in smaller volumes of formula and soft foods such as rice or oatmeal cereal.  I think what is most challenging for me is to explain our troubles to others that are under the assumption that babies just drink from the breast or bottle effortlessly and peacefully like angels.  Adam had never given Jenn-Jen this level of challenge while he was nursing, so we keep trying to tell ourselves that we are really not creating our own troubles out of the stress we feel.  Sometimes I just wish others could spend a day in our shoes just to understand how unbelievably hard it is to just make it to the peace of the nighttime. 

Despite all of this often unbearable stress that has become nothing short of an unwelcomed housemate to us, I am desperately trying to remind myself that God brought these two miracles into our lives nearly ten months ago for a reason.  He has given them to the stewardship and parenthood of Jenn-Jen and me this far, and it is undoubtedly His hand that has granted them the gift of life from the doorsteps of death.  I began this evening feeling frustrated that Daria does not want to feed, lethargic from the battering we have come to expect every three hours during the girls’ waking hours, and completely ashamed that I have failed as a parent.  God has intervened and spoke the two words of “perseverance” and “hope” to provide me with His peace and sanctuary that has seemingly been absent for weeks now.  The road has not been easy, and the mere thought that suffering can lead to hope escapes my simple logic.  Nonetheless, I look at Katelynn and Daria sleeping in their cribs tonight and tell myself how blessed I am to have them both here.

There will be more to come tomorrow.  For now, rest beckons.

 

October 8, 2008 to October 28, 2008 – Nine Months and a Problem of Disproportionate Scale

The perception of time is truly paradoxical.  Most of my waking hours seem to disappear into some temporal vortex, leaving me drained and perplexed at where all the minutes in the day went.  Inevitably, a string of events or unexpected news grinds this false sense of accelerated time to equilibrium, and then the whole process repeats.  As I come to the realization that I have not provided a journal update in nearly three weeks, the feverish pace of my day-to-day responsibilities and the corresponding fatigue falsely leads me to feel as if only a day or two has passed.  There is much to catch up on, so I shall begin by wishing our sweet Katelynn and Daria a very happy nine month birthday!  It is hard to comprehend that our angels have been with us for three quarters of a year now, and even more awe-inspiring is the amazing progress they have made from the initial projection that each of them would only have a fifty percent chance of survival.  Our Lord has made the girls into the fighters they are and I try to remind myself of that fact each day as they continue to grow stronger. 

As many of you already know, Katelynn’s grade IV intraventricular hemorrhage and ensuing hydrocephalus has been, and continues to be, a source of significant concern for us.  There are still many unknowns as it relates to her long term prognosis with issues related to physical and/or learning disabilities, but one development that has become evident is Katelynn’s diagnosis of plagiocephaly (http://www.plagiocephaly.info/faqs/what_is_plagiocephaly.htm), or the flattening of one side of her skull.  During Katelynn’s previous visit to her neurologist, we were encouraged to hear that she is showing fantastic developmental progress despite the dire circumstances surrounding her first few weeks of life, but we were also advised to take measures to help ensure proper growth of her head.  The main concern here is to do all we can to allow Katelynn’s skull to form correctly so that there will not be any undue pressure on her delicate brain as she continues to develop.  Through the neurologist’s recommendation, we will have Katelynn fitted for a Hanger Cranial Band (http://www.hanger.com/ThePatientExperience/Pediatrics/Pages/Plagiocephaly.aspx), which is a FDA approved orthotic device essentially functioning as a custom-fitted helmet that applies constant, but painless, pressure to help the skull develop correctly.  Katelynn will need to wear her cranial band twenty three hours a day for a period of six to twelve weeks.  Jenn-Jen and I are dreading the initial discomfort our daughter will need to endure, but right now, Katelynn’s skull is still very malleable and we completely understand and agree with the need to use the band. 

One initial piece of discouraging news from this was that my health insurance conveniently denied coverage for the cranial band.  For one reason or another, this was not disclosed to us until we had packed up the girls and drove out to Hanger’s office for the initial laser-scan fitting.  It really was not a pleasant experience to be told that the cost for the device, fittings and follow-up appointments would set us back twenty-five hundred dollars.  Thankfully, we were able to work out coverage through our program at the Alta California Regional Center.  Jenn-Jen and I thank God everyday for granting us resources such as this to help ease the financial burdens that often seem unending.  As the purchase has been approved, we are now waiting for Hanger to call us to reschedule the scan so they can move forward with fabricating the cranial band for Katelynn.

Last Tuesday, October 21^st, Jenn-Jen and I experienced probably had one of our worst days in many months.  Having come back from a five-day business trip to Orlando the previous Wednesday night, I was eager to provide relief for Jenn-Jen through her excruciatingly difficult time holding down the fort back home.  Unfortunately, the six days leading up to last Tuesday were extremely stress-filled, as both of our twins had become increasingly combative during their feedings.  Jenn-Jen and I were literally at our wits’ end trying to figure out why Katelynn and Daria were so resistant, and we felt an urgency to see our pediatrician for advice.  On the 21^st, we brought the girls in and were in shock when we placed them on the doctor’s scale.  Daria was showing up as 9 pounds 10 ounces, and Katelynn came in at 10 pounds 7.5 ounces!  This was a huge drop of approximately twenty five percent of each of the girls’ weights since we had them weighed a month ago.  Immediately, Jenn-Jen and I questioned the accuracy of the scale, but the nurse assured us the weights were correct.  We waited in the examination room, mostly in silence and painful discouragement, for what seemed like an eternity before the pediatrician came in.

Unfortunately, we did not find much satisfaction after speaking with the doctor.  Essentially, we were going to be referred to a nutritionist for a consultation to see what can be done to reverse this unhealthy weight loss.  What was most frustrating for Jenn-Jen and me was that there was no doubt on the pediatrician’s part on the validity of the weights, nor was there a single question posed about any changes to the feeding patterns associated with Katelynn and Daria.  As much as we value our pediatrician, who has been Adam’s doctor since his birth, we spent the afternoon wondering if we might need to find another physician for the girls that may have significantly more experience with extremely premature babies.  We certainly do not want to be doubtful or ungrateful, but in many ways, we went home feeling no reassurance that this impending crisis would ever be resolved.

The next twenty four hours were nothing short of a concentrated campaign to force-feed as many calories as we could get into our girls.  Jenn-Jen and I were feeding Katelynn and Daria during their waking hours constantly and it saddened us to see how we were tiring them out and making the experience more adverse than it already has been as of late.  It just so happened that we had a home visit scheduled on Wednesday afternoon with our public health nurse from Sacramento County and our service coordinator from the Alta California Regional Center.  The timing of the appointment would have only been perfect had it been a day earlier.

As it is the routine during each of the visits by our public health nurse, she brings her own calibrated scale to weigh the twins.  Jenn-Jen and I eagerly anticipated the results as Daria was gently placed for measurement, and to our utter astonishment, we almost keeled over to see the electronic display read 12 pounds 13.5 ounces.  As color was returning to our faces, the overbearing burden lifted off our chests, and our scowls transformed into grins, we had Katelynn weighed and the scale reported back the results as 14 pounds 2.5 ounces.  The variance of three to three and a half pounds with the pediatrician’s scale was incredible.  My feelings of celebratory joy began to fade into the slow burn of anger and I called up the doctor’s office to inform them that there was a serious problem that needs to be resolved.  We agreed to bring the girls in as soon as possible in the afternoon to determine if there was indeed a malfunction with the scale, but the strenuous feeding schedule we previously put Katelynn and Daria on left them both wiped out and desperately in need of rest.  Jenn-Jen and I decided it could wait until tomorrow for us to confirm the weights.  We let the girls take a nice long nap and spent the rest of the day re-teaching ourselves to inhale and exhale fully and slowly.

The next day, Thursday, October 23^rd, we did bring Katelynn and Daria back into their doctor’s office to check their weights.  Lo and behold, their “calibrated” scale now showed Daria at 13 pounds 4 ounces and Katelynn at 14 pounds 0.5 ounces.  We raised nothing short of a quiet, but polite, ruckus with the physician’s assistant and asked the doctor to call us when he has an opening between appointments.  We heard back minutes after leaving the medical office and agreed that we would still bring the twins in to see a nutritionist to determine if there is a way to increase their caloric intake, since we truly still need them to catch up on their weights.

Our overwhelming challenges with Katelynn and Daria’s feedings still continue, but through our own hypotheses and the testing of our theories, we have determined that they may have a dislike for the taste of breast milk mixed with formula.  Jenn-Jen is in the process of weaning herself off the extremely cumbersome and time-consuming pumping process, so we have been increasing the formula to breast milk ratio to prepare the girls for the transition.  Jenn-Jen had read that sometimes frozen breast milk can have a sour taste when thawed, but remains perfectly fine for babies to consume.  To test this out, we gave the girls bottles with formula only and saw a very significant drop in resistance!  It has been less than a week since we made the switch and the good news is that our supply of frozen breast milk had already been near full depletion.  The girls still fight on occasion, but they are definitely taking more in their feeds than before.  Praise God!

We have an appointment with a nutritionist next Monday, and I have already blocked off my day to be there for the two-hour consultation.  Additionally, we had a speech pathologist/feeding specialist drop by unexpectedly today for an excellent session as she observed Katelynn feeding.  Our goal is to work with our new resources to help “retrain” Katelynn and Daria to not associate feedings with negative feelings, correct and implement proper oral motor skills to help them be more efficient in drinking from a bottle, and see if there is a way to maximize the calories the girls are taking in during each feeding session. 

Jenn-Jen and I talk a lot about how Katelynn and Daria are such easy babies to take care of when they are not feeding.  We look forward so much to the day when we overcome this seemingly insurmountable obstacle that seems to break our spirits every two to three hours each day.  Deep inside, we both know the challenges will pass, but we are not exaggerating when we tell you how exhausted we are.  I have written about how raising extremely premature twins is like running a marathon, and it certainly has felt like we have been running nonstop since we brought the girls into this world.  Please do continue to keep us in your prayers as we work towards the goal of enjoying our roles as parents to its fullest.  Thank you all for your support and please watch for some updated pictures in the next day or two as I try to get a bit more organized.

September 30, 2008 to October 7, 2008 – Wild Swings (the bad)

The United States continues to be in what appears to be a poisoned and paralyzed economic state.  Despite the Senate and House of Representatives passing a revised $700 billion government bailout package late last week, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 9,447.11 this afternoon and painfully shed another 508.39 points.  As the index has reached a five year low, many investors are downtrodden, and my heart goes out to those facing financial loss that may impact their retirement or other life-changing plans.

This battered financial path of recent weeks is, unfortunately, not so different than our family situation here at home.  In my last post, I shared some of the positive developments that have strengthened our spirits as of late.  Today, I must bring everything back into perspective and show the proverbial half-empty glass.  Jenn-Jen and I are sick, tired and quite nervous of what is to come.  Nonetheless, for those of you that know me well enough, I remain a tempered optimist and it is always through the challenges that I turn to my faith for renewal and guidance.  With all that has happened, I can certainly use a heaping serving of each.  Let me begin with the macro, encompassing issues that are affecting our family, namely the challenges of illness and an eminent cross-country business trip.

A couple of weeks ago, Jenn-Jen spoke the ominous words that we hoped so much not to hear: “I think I may be getting sick.”  Despite the immediate deployment of our countermeasure of choice, Zicam, my wife began showing cold symptoms within the next forty eight hours.  As much as we would have wanted to quarantine Jenn-Jen to keep the remainder of our family healthy, it simply was not an option, given the responsibilities and demands that come with the badge of being a mother of multiples.  It did not take long before the virus spread, first to Katelynn and then to me.  Today, we suspect Daria is afflicted as well, and Adam is coughing suspiciously every so often.  The constant hand washing and other infection prevention protocols simply were not enough to prevent an outbreak.

In simple terms, this cold bug has made life around the house very challenging.  The most difficult part is watching Katelynn fight the nasal congestion that has been causing her to struggle through her feedings.  Infants instinctively breathe through their noses, so the mucus buildup creates an enormous amount of respiratory difficulty for our poor baby.  I imagine what she is going through is similar to trying to drink a cup of water while holding your nose.  While Jenn-Jen and I are taking decongestants, expectorants and analgesics to diminish the irritating symptoms, Katelynn’s age precludes her from using any of the medications we almost take for granted.  Instead, we try to keep her unplugged by using a bulb syringe to suction out her nasal passages and use our Vick’s humidifier in the nursery when the girls are sleeping.  Through nothing short of a miracle from God, both Katelynn and Daria are still able to sleep relatively sound and peaceful throughout the night.  As a precaution, I continue to spend my sleeping hours in the guest room next to the baby monitor.  I am just thankful that I am able to fall asleep quickly, even after interruption.

Probably the second greatest challenge in dealing with this first cold for the girls is keeping quiet and calm during the five feeds Katelynn and Daria each take during the day.  When I speak of quiet and calm, I am actually referring to the need for Jenn-Jen and me to try to suppress our cold symptoms while we are cradling one of twins during a feeding.  The mere act of letting out a sneeze or chest cough can immediately kill the momentum of a good feed, and nowadays, that momentum is treasured dearly.  As much as we want to relieve that pressure and urge, which actually only helps migrate the virus to the rest of our surroundings, Jenn-Jen and I find often find ourselves painfully holding everything in.  I truly hope this ends soon.

On top of our family’s seasonal health issues, we are struggling with an inevitable business trip that is looming around the corner.  In a few days, I will need to pack my bags for a five-day trip to Orlando to attend my company’s flagship Symposium event.  A few months ago when I agreed to attend, my mindset was hopeful that Katelynn and Daria would be thriving and feeding well by the time this trip became imminent.  While the girls are thriving in many ways, it is no surprise that their feedings remain as our most difficult challenge surrounding our day-to-day life at home.  We are doing all we can to concentrate the scheduling of our key respite workers and my sisters to help while I am across the country, but somehow it still does not feel like it will be enough to keep Jenn-Jen afloat until my return.  With my parents away in China until the end of the month, I am grateful to have any help that is offered.  My hope is that the girls’ feedings will improve to the point where someone other than Jenn-Jen is able to give them their bottle in a reasonable amount of time.

Where I can use the most prayer surrounding my upcoming trip is that I will not be worried and distracted.  During this business trip, which I have taken each year for the past six, the itinerary will keep me busy throughout the day and evenings.  It is actually quite a mental and physical drain to balance the daily agenda activities along with the responsibilities of my workload provided by my non-attending clientele.  Just the thought that Jenn-Jen is back at home struggling to make sure all of the children are doing well is quite daunting.  To outsiders it may not seem like much to fuss about, but we strive so much to do all we can to ensure that Katelynn and Daria are given everything possible to help them develop normally.  We place a large amount of importance in the nourishment of the twins, as their weight gain is, in many respects, the most tangible barometer to measure if they are thriving.  Given all of the feeding challenges that have worn us out, my absence puts a very large wrench in the routine and system that we have put together over the months.  My mindset is that I must travel to Florida, do the best I can for my company and return as quickly as I possibly can to offer reinforcement back home.  At least I had the prudence to schedule a couple of days off work after I come back to devote my complete attention to my family.

Besides the annoying cold bug and my upcoming trip, we are fighting other battles that seem to take up much more time and energy than I would prefer.  One of the most offending nuisances is the marked increase of pigeons that have taken up residence on our rooftop.  The number of birds this year has grown to such a level that they are creating a visible mess of droppings and feathers around the front of our house.  I already asked our pest control company for advice, but they are holding off work on two story structures as they hammer out issues regarding liability and insurance.  A neighbor of mine recommended a local chimney service to help set up spikes and metal mesh screens to make our roof less attractive, but I simply have not had an opportunity to schedule a consultation.  Friends jokingly recommend that I purchase a high-power BB gun and declare open season on the offending creatures.  I would be lying if I told the thought does not cross my mind every day, especially when I see the droppings accumulating on my driveway and on a window sill near my front door.  I honestly do not think I have ever hated pigeons more in my life as I do now.  Unfortunately, this may need to wait until late next week at the soonest before I can devote the time to take back my rooftop.  In case you are wondering, the only thing I have fired at the birds is water through the “Power Wash” setting on my hose nozzle.  Obviously, that did help improve the situation, and only showed me how large of a flock I am going to need to control.  My pest control technician did tell me that we should start seeing a decrease in the number of birds as the weather cools.  Right now we are in the low eighties for our high temperatures during the day, so that decrease seems like it may be quite far on the horizon.

Additionally, I am stunned at the amount of work it takes for me to straighten out problems on insurance claims that have been miscoded or mishandled in one form or another.  With the large number of medical professionals that have seen Katelynn and Daria since their birth, I know the laws of probability are not in our favor that we would be able to emerge from this unscathed and error-free.  Each time I look at one of the evidence of insurance statements that seem to come almost every other day in the mail, I am floored that each of my girls have amassed over one million dollars of medical bills during the course of their hospital stays.  Sometimes I feel as if I am an accountant when I look through the filed claims, the amounts that are covered by insurance, and the portion that we are responsible for as copayments.  I really do not have the luxury of pouring over the inordinate amount of paperwork that documents all of the twins’ treatments, and every once in a while an overdue payment letter catches my attention.  I have been on the phone several times with several organizations to straighten out other people’s errors, and this just seems to be unending.

There are many more grievances and challenges that deplete our diminishing reserves of energy and patience, but we are still trying our best to stay hopeful.  Despite my groaning and complaints, I am eager to get through this cold, come back from my business trip, take care of those dastardly pigeons and make sure we are not getting any more incorrect medical bills.  When I step back and look at the bigger picture, I do count my blessings when I see how far we have come as a family.  As impatient as I may become during the trials and tribulations that daily life can bring, I try to imagine that uncomfortable grinding feeling I am experiencing at the moment is simply the hand of God working to sharpen and prepare me for tomorrow.

So, despite going through this sinking feeling that seems to mimic the stock market, I try to tell myself that we should be near the bottom soon.  I am just trying to be patient for the rebound.  My dear friends and family please do keep us in your prayers, especially after my departure on Saturday.

September 17, 2008 to September 29, 2008 – Wild swings (the good)

History was made today as stocks fell off a precipice amidst the seemingly unending turmoil surrounding our beaten-down financial market.  Not since trading resumed on the stock market after the tragic events of September 11, 2001 have we seen such a huge single day point loss on the Dow Jones Industrial Average.  The 777.68 point drop came down quick and furious as investors panicked on the news that the House of Representatives had rejected the $700 Billion bailout plan aimed at reviving our banks diseased with malignant mortgage debt.  News headlines and analysis now circle around how this will impact us ordinary citizens on Main Street, as the frozen credit markets will certainly affect consumer spending and small business owners dependent on the ability to borrow.

As I think about the violent gyrations on Wall Street, I look back to the past two weeks here in the Owyang home and feel quite motion-sick from our own roller coaster ride.  Despite the wild swings in our lives, mood and overall outlook, I am at peace tonight in my home office and, even more so, am thankful for the opportunity to be able to gather my recent memories and place them into this web journal that I seem to set on the back burner so often these days.  I will begin with the good news and areas where we give our thanks to God for his provision, and perhaps will continue tomorrow with a posting on where we are struggling.

After Jenn-Jen’s trip with Daria to the Easter Seals feeding clinic session, we came back with a diagnosis that gastroesophageal reflux disease, or GERD (http://www.medicinenet.com/gerd_in_infants_and_children/article.htm) is the responsible party to all of our woes surrounding Daria’s difficulty in feeding.  GERD has been a problem with Daria since we brought her home, and to combat this, we had been providing her with twice-daily doses of Zantac (Ranitidine) to help suppress her stomach acid.  Just as we were about to give up and pray that Daria outgrows her reflux soon, we went to the Sutter Memorial Hospital Special Care Nursery Reunion (more later) on September 20th and happened to meet up with the parents of twins who had been in the hospital when our girls were there.  We shared stories about the challenges of raising preemie twins and, as I explained to her about Daria’s increasingly difficult feedings and reflux, we learned that her daughter had gone through a similar bout with GERD.  She recommended that we ask our pediatrician to switch Daria from Zantac to Prevacid (Lansoprazole) (http://www.drugs.com/prevacid.html), and shared how this helped her daughter be able to feed again without the pain of acid reflux.  The very next business day we called our pediatrician and he lined us up with a two-month supply of samples of Prevacid.  Since we made the switch, I am seeing less resistance from Daria during feeding time and she has not spit up for the last three days.  We pray this positive trend continues and are hopeful that Daria will learn to associate feeding time with happiness instead of the burn of stomach acid.

Katelynn’s weekly home sessions with her physical therapist is paying off dividends.  While it seems that we are so time-challenged to be able to do all of the therapeutic exercises to help Katelynn stretch, we are pleased to hear from the therapist that she sees significant improvements in our daughter’s physical development.  Jenn-Jen and I still completely understand that this is not definitive evidence that Katelynn will be able to lead a life without physical disability, but we continue to pray and keep our faith that our Lord will strengthen our precious Katelynn each and every day.  Nonetheless, I am witnessing much more coordination when Katelynn uses her hands and feet.  She is bringing her hands midline and reaching for objects more than ever before.  The most promising development is that Katelynn is almost at the point of being able to flip herself from a prone position to being supine, or on her back!  To me, this is quite fantastic in light of my mental and emotional preparation for the potential of physical limitations for Katelynn in the future.

Now, speaking of flipping over, Jenn-Jen and I are thrilled to report that Daria learned how to turn herself over on September 24^th, which happens to be the same date the physical therapist came to work with Katelynn.  In fact, it was not long after the therapist said that Katelynn was learning how to flip herself over when Jenn-Jen and I noticed Daria giving it a try for herself.  We moved Daria to the center of her portable crib and watched as she slowly, but surely transition into the supine position.  It was nothing short of breathtaking!  Jenn-Jen and I joke about how Daria might just have a little bit of competitive spirit in her.

Big brother Adam is continuing to thrive and is enjoying kindergarten more than ever.  We wrapped up a chaotic last week where both the morning and afternoon classes were combined in order to allot time for the first set of parent-teacher conferences.  Jenn-Jen and I have been very curious to hear from Adam’s teacher about our son’s progress, especially because of the joy we see in Adam’s spirit whenever he talks about school.  When I went over Adam’s assessment with his teacher, I was pleased to learn that Adam was excelling and showing a genuine enjoyment of learning.  The results from first page of the assessment did not surprise me, as the expectations in kindergarten are actually not particularly rigorous.  It was not until we reached the second page when we reviewed the results of the Slosson Oral Reading Test (SORT), which is a short, word-recognition test used to assess the reading grade level of the test taker.  Each list of twenty words is progressively more difficult, and mastery requires seven words be correctly read.  Adam surprised with his ability, as he is reading at a solid mid-year third grade level.  In fact, the scoring sheet shows that he was able to reach list 5 (fifth grade) and correctly read six out of the twenty words.  In addition to the SORT, I learned that Adam read error-free at the rate of one hundred words per minute with expression, and correctly answered all but one of the reading comprehension questions.   Adam’s teacher recommended that we consider having Adam take the Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) test at the first available opportunity, which will not be until the end of the first grade.  Should Adam be qualified, it will mean that we may need to enroll him at a different school, but that is still too far down the road for us to even ponder at this time.  I am just very proud of Adam and hope that, as his parents, we are mindful to be consistent and continual in feeding his intellectual hunger. 

I mentioned earlier that we had the opportunity to attend the Special Care Nursery reunion at our hospital on September 20^th.  It was a great event and much larger than we had anticipated.  With the weather being just about perfect, we were able to stay the whole time and had a blast catching up with the nurses and social workers who had been taking care of Katelynn and Daria for the duration of their three and a half month stay.  A number of families whom we became acquainted with were also in attendance, and it was amazing to see how big their babies were now.  Then again, many were saying the same of our precious angels.  The event was very kid-friendly, and Adam loved the various games and even had a chance to hold a rabbit on his lap for the very first time.

Through the reunion, one of the charge nurses conveyed a message to another family who had been in the hospital for some time with their baby daughter.  I was surprised to get a call from Nick, the father, this past Wednesday, and spent some time catching up on everything that has happened since we last met.  The timing was impeccable, as Nick and his wife, Shelly were going to have their daughter baptized on Saturday.  He invited us to come celebrate with his family, but because of the colds spreading through our house, we were unsure if we would be able to attend.  Saturday morning came along and all seemed fine, so we decided to go and were very glad we did.  Nick and Shelly’s daughter is doing wonderfully and perhaps the best part of the experience was to see the parents with smiles on their faces.  During the long and grueling amount of time spent at the hospital in the Special Care Nursery, smiles and laughter come few and far between, so being able to share the mutual joy that we have our children home where they belong is priceless.  Not many can fully relate to what Jenn-Jen and I have gone through between January and May, but Nick and Shelly sure can.

Well, the last couple of weeks sure have been tumultuous, but I really wanted to focus on all the good that has happened since my last update.  As I alluded to earlier, there are still plenty of challenges we are facing, but I am going to save that for my next post.  All in all, life has been good and God has been faithful.  I look at my beautiful family and am thankful beyond words.

September 2, 2008 to September 16, 2008 – I really have seen better days

I am still baffled to find myself short on time, energy and peace to keep up with journaling these days.  All I can attest to during the recent weeks is that life has been moving along at a very fast clip and I am feeling as though I am always lagging behind.  Perhaps it would help if I were in a better physical condition to handle the rigors of the seemingly non-stop pace in the Owyang household.  It might actually help to recap my unfortunate circumstances and introduce my latest health challenges. 

In my last post, I had mentioned that I had seriously strained my left side, which resulted from a poor decision to lift a moderately heavy load.  It happened that I had an appointment scheduled to see my doctor to go over my recent cholesterol screening, so I figured I would go over this injury as well.  After a few stretches of my legs, my physician confirmed that I had a classic lumbar strain.  She provided me with some samples of Skelaxin 800mg (http://www.skelaxin.com/skelaxin/index.aspx?text=1), which is a muscle relaxant, and encouraged me to continue taking Ibuprofen for the pain.  Unfortunately, she also told me that this type of injury normally takes about four to six weeks to fully heal.  I am approaching the four-week mark and am still feeling an occasional sharp pain, but am glad to be able to carry the girls again without feeling nervous.

During my visit, my doctor also pulled out my cholesterol screening results.  My numbers have worsened again into the “borderline” zone, and I am really not surprised.  Since the end of January, it has been all but impossible to find spare time for vigorous exercise, and eating heart-healthy often gives way to consuming whatever is readily available or most convenient.  While I am happy to report that I have not gained much weight, I am by no means proud of my backsliding LDL, HDL and triglyceride numbers.  Somehow, I need to carve out time I do not currently have to put physical fitness back into my life.  I have started to be more aware of what I consume, but it remains, and probably will continue to remain challenging to stay disciplined.

On top of my calamities and concerns, I had to overachieve and cause myself more grief by breaking my right contact lens in half.  For those of you that have known me long enough, you probably know that I have horrible nearsightedness that is practically debilitating if I do not have my contacts or glasses on.  Eleven years ago, I nearly lost vision in my right eye because of a retinal detachment resulting from my serious myopia, and even after surgery and the use of corrective lenses, I do not see as clearly as I had in the past.  Unfortunately, after my detachment, I also learned that extended use of my glasses often leaves me feeling somewhat dizzy and the decreased visual acuity is outright annoying.  At the same time, my optometrist has always recommended I keep using gas permeable contact lenses, as they provide the best clarity and oxygen transfer to my eyes.  For this reason, I usually have an older pair of contacts available in case I drop one down the drain or lose it while I am out.  I just happened to remove my right contact and, unknowingly, set it on the rim of my case with a twist-on lid.  As I made the clockwise turn, the unmistakable sound of plastic snapping made my heart sink.  I immediately took out the two halves of the lens and searched for my back-up pair.  Unbeknownst to me, I had already used the right lens somehow in the past and was so discouraged only to find another left lens. 

Fortunately, I was able to go see my optometrist within a couple days after my mishap.  The bad news was that it would take about a week for the replacement lens to arrive.  In the meantime, I tried to fight off the occasional dizziness and drove as carefully as possible.  The last thing I wanted was to be involved in some sort of automobile accident because of my impaired vision.  I quickly learned that driving at night would be even more difficult and tried to avoid that until my contact arrives.

All in all, I really have seen better days, but I am also happy that the twins are continuing to sleep through the night without needing a feed.  This does not mean that the nights are bathed in silence, however, as one of the girls seems always fuss and need turning around three thirty to four in the morning.  To provide Jenn-Jen with enough sleep, I am still spending most of my nights in our guest room.  Since I am blessed with the ability to fall back asleep quickly, I gladly take the baby monitor with me and really do not mind the occasional interruption.  Considering how little sleep we used to get a few months ago, I have nothing to complain about. 

The girls continue to do well overall, but persist in giving Jenn-Jen and me considerable stress when it comes to their feedings.  I will write more about this in the next day or so, but I can say that if this challenge were gone, life would be exponentially easier.  Still, I spend quite a bit of time reflecting upon how small and sick Katelynn and Daria were back when they were born, and this is all it takes for me to stop the complaining and be grateful that God continues to entrust us with the care of our babies.

Adam is enjoying school as he normally does, but we have been seeing some recent behavioral change in terms of following instructions.  This seems to not only be an issue at home, but at school as well, and I am trying not to let it eat at me.  Jenn-Jen and I are concerned that the misbehavior may be attributed to the decreased attention Adam has been receiving from us lately, as Katelynn and Daria’s feeding challenges have been sapping away at our time and attention.  Again, I will spell this out in more detail in my next post.

Time continues to creep up on us.  The days often seem like they will never end and life, sadly, continues to revolve around Katelynn and Daria’s feeding schedule.  Still, I am mostly astonished and somewhat saddened that two weeks have passed and yet, I am finding myself unable to journal regularly.  Life right now feels like I am jumping between moving cars and I keep telling myself that things will eventually slow down.  In the meantime, I am doing my best not to get run over.

August 24, 2008 to September 1, 2008 – Lifting too much

Sitting here in my home office while my family is soundly asleep, I usually find this time of peace to be a welcome and inviting conclusion to the hectic daytime.  Silence creeps into our home like a blanket of fog and in these few, but precious hours, I treasure the serenity of solitude.  Under normal circumstances, I find clarity during this time to be mentally productive, but this has not been the case for the past few days.  Due to the lack of proper judgment, I managed to strain my left abdominal oblique muscles and have been dealing with the pain for the last few days. 

This past Wednesday, Jenn-Jen and I had decided to venture out to Costco with Adam, Katelynn and Daria to pick up our household staples and boxes of contact lenses that we had recently ordered.  As is the case with many retailers, Costco has made an effort to reduce waste by selling heavy-duty reusable shopping bags.  Personally, I love these bags and their generous capacity, both in volume and weight.  The problem is that Costco may have made them too well, as I decided that I would try to be more efficient and load up the bags with numerous heavy items we had purchased.  I really never felt the injury as it happened, but by Wednesday evening, I could tell I was in for some serious pain.  Since then, I have been taking Ibuprofen and receiving deep-tissue Bengay rubs by Jenn-Jen twice daily.  Unfortunately, the strain is one of the worst I have experienced and it has been difficult at times to carry Katelynn or Daria without feeling a sharp twang in my left side.  A few instances, the pain has actually been severe enough that I had to quickly set down one of the twins and lay prone for relief.  Just as the injury seemed to be healing yesterday, it came back with quite a vengeance this afternoon.  Sometimes it just does not pay to try to save time by overburdening myself.  Hopefully my muscles will heal quickly and I can be rid of this aggravation soon.

As for the rest of the family, Jenn-Jen is doing well overall but is still struggling with the effort involved in keeping up with pumping.  It has been over seven months since she started expressing her milk and the time and monotony involved in the process often feels unending.  Fortunately, she has started reading some new and interesting books and this is providing some mental relief.  If it were not for our belief that breast milk provides the best nutritional benefit for our girls, Jenn-Jen would gladly take herself off the five pumping sessions each day that have, at times, felt like prison terms.

Adam continues to soak up Kindergarten with joy and daily anticipation, but is also learning the lessons involved in following other classmate’s inappropriate actions.  As many times as Jenn-Jen and I have tried to instill in our son the concept of doing what is right, we often lose sight of the fact that Adam is still only a five year old boy.  With the burdens we have experienced this year, sometimes we ask so much out of our eldest child.  He has certainly been forced to grow up in many ways, and for this we are proud of his sacrifice and mature attitude.  I still make it a point to spend consistent father-son time with Adam, and we actually had a very enjoyable time flying our kites at the park this morning.

Katelynn is packing on the ounces nicely and has adjusted well to her feedings.  We still supplement Jenn-Jen’s milk with a small amount of premature infant formula for extra calories, and all signs point to healthy weight gain.  Katelynn is now at 13 pounds 6 ounces and continues to chase the growth curve associated with a full-term infant.  Best of all, we are seeing a significant reduction in the level and frequency of resistance from Katelynn during her feeds.  This has been such a struggle for us for so long, it is definitely an answered prayer to see her take the bottle with minimal fuss.  Additionally, Katelynn is showing us great signs of development through her active smiling, chatter and apparent full use of her hands and feet.  There are still so many unknowns when it comes to her physical development, but I will take the victories as they come.

Daria is not packing on the ounces like her sister and, in fact, has stagnated in her weight gain.  At the doctor’s appointment on Thursday, she weighed in at 12 pounds 6 ounces, a whole pound lighter than Katelynn.  Although Daria is now consistently taking the same volume of milk as her twin, we continue to fee her without the extra formula supplement.  I am fairly certain the formula had caused Daria indigestion in the past that inevitably led to vomiting, and so far, she has kept her feeds in much more so than before.  Unfortunately, this means Daria takes in slightly fewer calories than Katelynn and only recently has she equaled Katelynn’s feed volume.  I pray that the catch-up weight will pick up its pace so that there is not so much of a weight gap between the girls.  To complicate matters, Daria remains extremely difficult to feed and each session still leaves Jenn-Jen or me tired or frustrated.  We have scheduled a feeding clinic session through Easter Seals next week, so I am hoping there will be some advice that may help get Daria back on track for better feedings.  In the meantime, our pediatrician has suggested we throw in some rice cereal for calories every so often between feedings.  As Daria has not gained much weight at all, I regret to say that she has fallen off the growth chart for a full-term infant.  Please keep this issue in your prayers, we could use the encouragement.

Now that we are into September, we find ourselves completing another month of Katelynn and Daria’s life.  It does seem a little strange that the twins are now seven months old and before long, we will be celebrating their first year birthday.  Where did the time go?  Jenn-Jen and I always joke about the day in the distant future when we can take a vacation or even have a date night again, but each time I look at the calendar, I simply feel that the past seven months have been a blur.  I am grateful we have captured the memories through photos, video and especially our blog.  Sometimes I wish I could look into the future to the day when Jenn-Jen and I sit down with our children and talk about the amazing journey each of them had as preemies.  Then again, we are thoroughly enjoying our moments seeing our Adam, Katelynn and Daria surprise us with new revelations each day. 

In concluding this week’s update, here are a number of pictures of the family:

Daria sleeping peacefully on her hand ( 08.03.08 )

  

Our attempt to sit up Daria (left) and Katelynn (right) on the sofa ( 08.12.08 )

Daria (left) and Katelynn (right) decide to look at the camera ( 08.12.08 )

  

Katelynn (left) and Daria (right) content on the mat ( 08.13.08 )

“Content?  No way, we’re ready to party!” ( 08.13.08 )

Taking Daria (left) and Katelynn (right) out for a morning stroll ( 08.15.08 )

Daria is getting ready to chew on her little blankie ( 08.18.08 )

As close as we can get to having all three of our kids sitting still ( 08.24.08 )

August 14, 2008 to August 23, 2008 – Our marathon

As the conclusion of 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing is drawing near, I find myself amazed at the feats of athleticism and discipline demonstrated by the teams and individuals in their efforts to secure gold medals and national pride.  I am by no means a runner, but I heard the commentator make a remark during the women’s marathon event in which I can draw a familiar parallel.  To paraphrase, the comment was something to the effect of:  “You can split a marathon into two equal parts, the first twenty miles and the last six.”  When I heard those words, it really made me ponder the “marathon” we have been enduring since the birth of Katelynn and Daria.  In many ways, I feel that we have made it through the first half of our journey, which involved all the heart-wrenching aspects related to extreme prematurity.  From the early days of life-threatening infections and painful memories of seeing my babies breathing only with the help of a respirator, up until the end of their three and a half month hospital stay, life always felt so fragile and precarious.  Now that the twins have been home with us for over three months, it almost seems as though these are not the same tiny infants that brought us so much worry not so long ago.  I cannot say exactly when I came to the realization that Katelynn and Daria are beginning to develop in ways not so different from their full-term counterparts, but it has definitely been an answered prayer each time I witness another new behavior from one or both of the girls.

 

Since the girls’ birth, I have been documenting their growth most often through the keyboard and digital camera, and less often with a camcorder.  It was not until a couple of days ago that Jenn-Jen and I took out the video footage of Katelynn and Daria taken the night of their birth.  I would not be honest if I did not say that it was quite difficult to watch, and it is for this same reason why I had decided against posting digital photos of the twins in their early days.  There is something akin to a sanctuary of privacy when it comes to those images, one that should not be made so open to the world.  Sometimes I feel strange in being protective in such a way, but I also know well that the feelings that the photos and video clips bring out could probably never be fully understood the way only Jenn-Jen and I could. 

 

What was so amazing was for Jenn-Jen and me to spend some private time watching how frail and helpless Katelynn and Daria appeared almost seven months ago, and to compare that to the scenes I captured only a few days ago.  The progress the girls have made is nothing short of miraculous!  Katelynn actively smiles and tries to make conversation on a regular basis now, and we are definitely seeing Daria’s playful nature each time we interact with her.  Just watching the recent videos almost makes me forget how difficult our journey has been and how close we came to losing our babies.  I continue to thank the Lord everyday for giving us our children and I just hope these blog posts, digital images and videos will always remind me of His faithfulness in answering our prayers during our moments of fear and desperation. 

 

Earlier I had mentioned that it feels as if we are moving into the second half of our personal marathon in raising our twins.  We continue to have Katelynn and Daria sleep through the night, but we still battle with being woken by the girls’ nighttime noises.  Whether it is a little cough, sneeze or cry, our baby monitor does its job well and we seem to hear every detail.  Let me correct that… Jenn-Jen seems to hear everything and I have the gift of selective hearing.  It is for this reason that my wife and I debate whether we should spend our nights in the same bed.  I value Jenn-Jen’s need for uninterrupted sleep, as it makes for a more refreshed wife and mother during the days, but I also know that it is not feasible to continue spending our sleeping hours in separate rooms.  Recently, I have conceded to rejoining my wife during our unconscious hours, but am still hesitant each time I learn that either Katelynn or Daria made some noise that woke up Jenn-Jen but left me in perpetual slumber. 

 

Through our services with Alta California Regional Center, I am pleased to report that Katelynn has begun her weekly physical therapy sessions.  We have been very happy with the physical therapist and are praying that all of the early intervention will pay off in dividends in our daughter’s motor skill development.  It still amazes me to think that what appears to be nothing more than stretching exercises can do so much in making a difference with mobility as Katelynn continues on her developmental path.  Jenn-Jen and I are constantly concerned about the long-term possibility of cerebral palsy in Katelynn’s future, so we vow to put every effort into doing all we can to help her have the best chances.

 

The respite help we have been receiving continues to be a huge blessing.  With my parents coming less frequently, as well as their upcoming trip to China, we are relying much more on United Cerebral Palsy’s respite program to provide us with the extra hand to help care for the girls while I am working during the week.  We have found one particular worker whom we feel quite comfortable with and have been asking her to be our primary source of assistance.  Since we are allotted a limited number of respite hours, we continue to fill the gaps with assistance through my parents and friends from church.  I still do not know how other families would do this without help.  Perhaps I will feel even better once Katlelynn and Daria become better at their feedings, so much to the point that others will feel comfortable giving the girls their bottles. 

 

Speaking of respite and travel, I am becoming more and more concerned about my upcoming business trip to Orlando in mid-October.  Each year for the past six years, I have had the privilege of attending my company’s flagship client Symposium at the Happiest Place on Earth, a.k.a. Walt Disney World.  This year will be no different, except I will be leaving Jenn-Jen, Adam and the twins alone for five days.  We are working to squirrel up our respite hours and use them while I am away, but without my parents’ help, it is going to be quite a challenge to make sure Jenn-Jen is receiving enough support.  We just keep praying the girls will be good enough feeders so that the burden will not rest solely on Jenn-Jen. 

 

As for the rest of our family, Adam continues to do well and is thoroughly enjoying kindergarten.  With the school being as close as it is to home, Jenn-Jen and I are trying to make an effort to devote some time to help out in the classroom when the opportunity arises.  I made my debut by spending my lunch hour on Friday helping the kids tie-dye t-shirts they will don regularly in class.  While it will be difficult to help consistently, we really want Adam to be aware of how much we want to be there for him throughout his school years. 

 

This weekend has also been busy with the arrival of Jenn-Jen’s father from Southern California.  He has not been up to see Katelynn and Daria since they were still in the hospital, so it is great that he is able to see the monumental progress the girls have made since then.  We do not get to see my father-in-law very often, but it especially warms my heart that Adam accepts him so quickly, as if it has only been a few days since they last met.  As short as the visit will be, we are always glad to have Jenn-Jen’s father here.

 

On my agenda for the rest of the weekend, outside of seeing off my father-in-law and watching the closing Olympic competitions and ceremony, will be to organize and put up some recent pictures of the family.  I am still working slowly towards setting up online photo albums outside of the blog, and given the amount of time I am investing in reconnecting with old friends through Facebook, I may want to use that as my medium.  Time still seems to be the scarce resource, so wish me luck.

 

God bless friends, family and loved ones.  Our marathon continues on, but have we made progress!

 

 

August 2, 2008 to August 13, 2008 – Transitions

We are definitely in a period of transition here in the Owyang home.  If there is one thing that has been constant since Katelynn and Daria’s early arrival back in January, it is the perpetual, and often exhausting, amount of change.  Most of my delay in providing more frequent blog posts is directly correlated with the increasing need to adjust our day-to-day lifestyle as our twins continue on their unpredictable course of development.  There truly is never a dull moment at home, but some aspects of our lives are beginning to “normalize” into familiarity and routine.  Where shall I begin?

I think I will start with good news… Once again, we are having the girls sleep through the night and shifted to “on demand” feeding until morning comes.  It has been a blessing to finally be able to get prolonged sleep, and believe it or not, Jenn-Jen and I are even beginning to sleep together in our bed once more.  We still joke about how it is strange to have to share the sheets and comforter after such a long period of having them all to ourselves individually.  Personally, I am still feeling a little torn about all of this, as Jenn-Jen tends to be a very light sleeper and I am quite the opposite.  This often results in my wife hearing the girls make tiny noises over the audio monitor, which inevitably means she is up and about checking on Katelynn and Daria during all hours of the night.  I, on the other hand, will go through the night unconscious, oblivious and have no recollection of any disturbance whatsoever.  We will have to see if this has any ill long-term effects on Jenn-Jen’s level of energy during the day.

We are also thrilled that Adam started Kindergarten on Monday, August 11th.  He is jumping out of his pants every morning in anticipation for school to start, and it really warms my heart to see him so motivated and excited to learn.  I keep telling myself not to become one of those fathers that thinks his kid is some genius or prodigy, but Adam sometimes really does astonish me with his level of thinking.  A very solid example stems from a conversation we had in the car the other day.  To the best of my recollection, the conversation went something like this:

Adam:  “Daddy, here’s a math problem.  A is equal to one, B is equal to two, C is equal to three, and D is equal to four.”

Me: “OK, so what is the math problem, Adam?”

Adam: “A plus A equals B, and B plus A equals C.”

Me: “That’s great!  So here’s a question:  what is B plus B?”

Adam (answering almost immediately): “That’s D.”

Me: “Wow, very good, so here’s a challenge.  What is Z minus B?”

Adam (answers in less than five seconds):  “X.”

What really floored me about the exchange we had was the fact that Adam devised this system of elementary algebra completely on his own.  Jenn-Jen and I thought it was already impressive that our five-year old son has asked us to teach him basic multiplication and simple fractions, and already reads at a second to third grade level, but his initiative and level of abstract thinking just does not seem normal for his age.  We continue to work on fun ways to keep him challenged and will be very involved at school to support his desire to stretch his intellectual capacity.

As for the twins, both Katelynn and Daria are showing a lot of character and milestones that are to be expected for babies at a three month developmental age.  While Katelynn has been slightly slower than Daria in demonstrating skills such as smiling, cooing and playing with toys dangling nearby, it truly warms my heart to see her expressions and hear her voice given her questionable developmental prognosis.  Of course, there is still so much ahead of us, but I can assure you that I do not take these moments for granted.  As I learn to use my newly acquired Canon HG10 camcorder, I will try to post a video of both girls in action just to share the joy I experience every time I see them enjoying the gift of life.

Our lifestyle and daily routines with the girls are slowly, but surely, transitioning into the closest thing to normalcy as much as we have ever seen.  We have been bringing them to church regularly now, made one trip to Costco, made another to WalMart and Staples for Adam’s school supplies, and even ventured out to eat out for lunch last Sunday.  It is almost like a major mental and emotional victory when you can pack up the family and do things that once used to be so ordinary.  I really never thought I would enjoy going shopping with Adam in tow and the girls in their double stroller.  We have certainly come a long way, and somewhere, somehow, I was even able to find the time and energy to wash our car and mow our front and backyard lawns.

Speaking of how far we have come, we had the county public health nurse come in today to perform her regular assessment of us and the girls.  During these visits, the nurse makes it a point to measure the girls’ growth.  I am to say that Katelynn now weighs 12 pounds 15 ounces, and measures 24.5 inches long.  Daria’s growth has slowed, but she is still progressing with a weight of 12 pounds 3 ounces and a length of 23 inches.

The respite services through United Cerebral Palsy has been been a huge blessing in our home.  By having a funded respite worker come in and help be that “extra hand” to care, comfort and play with Katelynn and Daria, we have been able to rely less on my parents for supplemental childcare support.  I am a staunch believer in doing my best not to wear out my welcome in any circumstance, and this applies even with close family members who are near and dear to my heart.  Caring for such premature babies that do not follow the same developmental patterns as equivalent full-term infants can be extremely tiring, especially under prolonged circumstances.  As parents, we would do anything for the sake of our children, and the reality is that we would never expect anyone else to sacrifice so much of their time and energy to ensure our Katelynn and Daria are well taken care of.  For this, Jenn-Jen and I are thankful beyond words to my parents and sisters for the countless days, weeks and months they have provided support for us.  I am extremely grateful that Jenn-Jen and I have found a couple of respite workers that we are using a little more consistently so they can feel comfortable with our girls.   

Now, onto the not-so-good news… 

Daria has been a source of immense joy, concern and frustration for Jenn-Jen and me during the last week and a half.  I had mentioned her sudden loss of appetite and interest in feeding during my last post, and was hopeful she would be coming out of this slump soon.  Unfortunately, the results of our change in her feeding volume and the removal of the premature infant formula supplement has brought mixed results.  After tweaking the amount of breast milk per bottle to a level that balances adequate calories with minimal vomiting during the feeds, we have come to a consensus that 120 milliliters, or a hair past four ounces, is roughly the limit Daria will take every three to four hours during the day without returning a mess and increasing our laundry load.  For the past week or so, she has been taking most, if not all of the milk in her bottle, but the aggregate amount is still considerably less than where she used to be before the change in her feeding behavior.   Even with good feeds, Daria’s slowing weight gain is troubling when compared to the expanding gap with Katelynn’s measurements.  We are making arrangements to bring the girls in to a feeding clinic to have their oral motor skills assessed.

Work has been keeping me very busy during the weekdays and as I have done so for the past six years, I will be attending my company’s flagship Symposium event in Orlando in October.  On one hand, I am excited and eager to reconnect with my clients and colleagues in person, but on the other, it is going to be extremely taxing for Jenn-Jen to not have me around for five days.  We will do all we can to squirrel up our respite hours so that there is enough support here at home, and to complicate matters, my parents will be out of the country in China during my absence.  My prayer is that Katelynn and Daria will somehow dramatically improve their abilities to feed so that the burden does not reside solely on Jenn-Jen while I am away.

Despite our decision to allow the girls to sleep through the night, Jenn-Jen and I are still quite tired from the long road we have traveled.  I am trying to drink less coffee to keep myself awake, but honestly, it is difficult to remain alert and focused even now at 1:15 AM.  I feel that there is still so much more on my mind, but fatigue and the better part of discretion is telling me that it is best to call it a night and get a good night’s rest.  I may be unrealistically optimistic, but I am going to try my best to squeeze in more time to post an update and some pictures in the next day or two.  In the meantime, I am going to try my hardest to slip quietly into my bedroom and not disturb Jenn-Jen from her much-needed rest.  Good night and blessings from the Owyang home.

July 28, 2008 to August 1, 2008 – Six months strong

Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord’s coming.  See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains.  You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.

James 5:7-8 New International Version

 

I have finally found some peace and a rare moment of refreshing silence and clarity to share the highlights of the past week.  Times such as this seem so rare nowadays, so I treasure them deeply when they do come.  There is no doubt God is shaping me daily as it relates to my patience, which has so often been depleted in the recent past.  I am troubled to find myself more easily frustrated and realize that my mood often correlates directly with how well Katelynn and Daria are doing.  As much as I want to believe I have answers to the challenges that stand before me, the Lord reminds me to turn away from leaning on my own understanding and have faith in His purpose, which is often beyond my comprehension.  Through His refinement of my patience I hope to gain revived strength, a miraculous showing of strength demonstrated so well by Katelynn and Daria’s six months of life we celebrated on Monday, July 28th.

Perhaps there is some irony in my decision to entitle this post “Six months strong.”  There is no argument that the twins are growing stronger each day, and each time I look back at their early photos and blog entries from months past, I am truly in awe of the progress they have made.  What is ironic is that in the course of their development, I believe Katleynn and Daria have honed their will to survive and fight so well that they are now applying their strength in ways that leave Jenn-Jen feeling weak and utterly exhausted.  Specifically, both of my girls have learned that they can fight and resist feedings, resulting only in sheer aggravation and disappointment for their parents.  It is this feisty resistance coupled with a very poor ability to latch that has prevented Jenn-Jen from being able to effectively breast feed Katelynn and Daria, and unfortunately, the fight has now progressed to many of the bottle feeds.  Katelynn has been difficult to start during meal times, but she has consistently shown us that she will finish her milk once we get the nipple in.  Thankfully, as of the last few days, we are actually seeing improvement in terms of reduced resistance, which is bringing about more peaceful feeding times.  Daria, on the other hand, has caused us nothing short of an ulcer.

For reasons we still cannot pinpoint completely, Daria began to lose interest in taking milk roughly two weeks ago.  At one point not long ago, Daria was infamous for her voracious appetite, and the proof of which was quite evident in her very chubby thighs and cheeks.  Since then, our daughter has done everything short of declaring a hunger strike.  Now, the majority of the feedings have become a battle of wills between the parent, intent on maximizing caloric intake, and little Daria, treating the milk as if it were some poisonous concoction.  While it would seem that it should not be so difficult to make a baby feed, if by nothing else, the sheer imbalance of physical strength, let me tell you otherwise.  Up until a few days ago, Daria would cry, flail and resist to the point where we would only be able to get her to take a third to a half of what she should normally.  The cause of alarm truly came to a head when we brought the girls in for a follow up visit with our pediatrician on Tuesday, July 29th.

Katelynn showed tremendous progress in catching up on the growth curve and weighed in at 12 pounds 2 ounces.  Our celebration was very short lived once we learned that Daria came in only at 11 pounds 14 ounces, a quarter pound lighter than a week prior.  The four ounce loss, in our minds, became a blaring alarm that Daria was definitely not taking enough milk.  Our pediatrician tried to bring us back to our senses by putting it all into context.  Daria actually did gain weight since her last official appointment, and had it not be for an unscheduled visit to the office last week for a weigh in, we would not have considered this a decrease.  No matter the reasoning, the way Jenn-Jen and I saw it was that the unwelcome results indicated we needed to take measures to bring Daria back up.

After some discussion with our doctor, we hypothesized that Daria may be having issues digesting the small amount of premature infant formula we have used to supplement each bottle.  Breast milk is absorbed very quickly by the digestive tract, often in the matter of twenty minutes or so, and as far as formula has come to try to mimic breast milk, it still differs in its rate of absorption.  The formula can actually stay in a baby’s stomach for two or three hours after intake, and our guess is that this delay is creating a backlog of residual milk in Daria’s poor digestive system.  So we came to an agreement that two things would change, at least for the time being.  Daria would go back to a schedule where we would not skip one of her early morning feedings and all formula supplements would be suspended.

Since the change, we have seen improvements with Daria’s feeding volume.  She is still no where near the capacity she used to show in weeks past, and there is no longer the extra calories supplied by the small addition of formula in her bottle.  Still, it has been a psychological boost, if nothing else, to see less milk remaining at the end of the majority of Daria’s feeds.  We pray this slump is a very temporary set back and are doing our best to be cognizant of any discomfort Daria may be having due to an upset stomach.  Consequently, I have adjusted my sleep pattern once again to accommodate an extra feeding in the middle of the night.  Since Katelynn continues to do well with her schedule, we left her feeding schedule unchanged.  I expected to feel more tired physically from this, but it is the constant concern and focus on every little ounce on Daria that has been a mental and emotional drain.  We sure could use your continued prayers that this setback will not discourage us and create a negative atmosphere whenever we try to get Daria to feed.

On a more upbeat note, I was pleasantly surprised to reconnect with an old friend from San Diego whom I have not spoken with since the year Adam was born.  Since we spoke last, my friend became a married man and father, much to my joy and surprise.  What was even more unexpected was when he informed me he had a potential career opportunity up here in Sacramento and made an impromptu decision to fly up with his wife to get a firsthand perspective of our city.  Through some quick decision making, we had the pleasure of extending the use of our guest room for our welcomed houseguests during their brief overnight visit.  Adam and I even had the opportunity to take my friend and his wife around town to show them parts of downtown where he may end up working.  As their stay was very short, we bade them farewell the next evening, but enjoyed having their company and the satisfaction of reestablishing a friendship from years past.

With the ups and downs we experienced during the week, we have some more positive news to report.  Jenn-Jen and I brought Katelynn and Daria in to see our ophthalmologist on Friday, August 1st, and all is looking very promising.  Katleynn’s retinopathy of prematurity (ROP) seems to be in complete remission and we officially no longer need to bring her in to see this specialist.  Daria’s more serious ROP condition has also stabilized nicely and, for good measure, we will need to bring her in one more time in a month to confirm her positive prognosis.  Both of our twins will then be seen by another pediatric ophthalmologist, who does not specialize in retinal disorders.  We have been warned that there is a possibility one or both of the girls may need to wear glasses, even in their infancy.  As nearsighted as Jenn-Jen and I both are, I have come to terms that our children will not have the best eyesight.  We just count our blessings that the three rounds of laser eye surgery and the ten days Daria and I had to spend in Walnut Creek during the last operation have amounted to God answering our prayers to save our little angels’ vision.  Indeed, we praise the Lord for the good news!

In concluding this long and overdue blog update, I wanted to share some photos of the family.  I regret I have not been as diligent in taking pictures, even on the girls’ six month birthday, as it is evident in the poor lighting of the fourth and fifth images below.  I just could not bring myself to lighting up the room at night for the purpose of getting a better looking photo.  Still, as I look these captured moments, I stop to smile and remind myself to take the advice regarding patience given in the scripture that opens this post.  Thank you all for checking in with us and the reminders that we are still in your prayers.  It means the world to us.

 

Adam is excited to bring his sisters to church for the first time ( 07.13.08 )

  

“To eat or not to eat, that is the question…” – VBS Sunday at church ( 07.27.08 )

“Without a doubt, to eat!” – VBS Sunday at church ( 07.27.08 )

Sneaking in a picture of Katelynn on her six month birthday ( 07.28.08 )

Sneaking in a picture of Daria on her six month birthday ( 07.28.08 )

Katelynnlooking comfortable with her colorful monkey toy ( 08.01.08 )

Grandma and Daria hanging out in the family room ( 08.01.08 )

July 21, 2008 to July 27, 2008 – An empty nest

A few months ago, we noticed a pair of cliff swallows had carefully constructed a small ledge of mud high above an area right outside our front door.  The earthen mass, originally appearing as haphazard splatters, would slowly take shape as home for our feathered guests, whom we suspect may be the same couple that took residence last year near the same area of our entry.  Assuming these are the birds in question, this season has brought about a change, which I am still not sure is entirely positive or negative. 

During the previous month, I noticed a significant change in behavior with the bird couple.  For one reason or another, they decided not to roost high up in their nest anymore and opted to sit up on the stuccoed framing right above our front door.  There really is not much room for comfort, with no more than an inch of flat surface protruding out, yet the swallows insisted on perching there every night.  I would come in and out through my front door, usually to pick up mail, and be within two arm lengths from the pair, but this did not phase them in the least.  After seeing the unpleasant consequences of their continued habitation accumulated, mainly in the form of droppings and feathers, I decided I would make that one-inch perching area less comfortable by setting a carpeting tack strip across the area.  I was quite certain the periodic spacing of the short nails pointing upwards would force the swallows to find alternate lodging at night.  I could not have been more mistaken.

During the next week or so, I soon learned why the swallows were so persistent in sitting atop our front door.  One evening, I had decided to step out once again to retrieve my mail and noticed the birds were resting in their usual spots, no doubt creating more white splatters of swallow droppings across my front door.  Taking a few more steps out, I looked up to their nest and to my surprise, I found four hatchlings peering down at me!  All of a sudden it became crystal clear… the parents did not plan ahead with their construction plans and outgrew their home when the kids arrived.  The nest would only fit the babies now, yet the parents wanted to remain close by to keep watch over their brood.  Part of me felt congratulatory toward the swallows for their four new blessings, but another part of me was wondering when they would migrate away so I could finally be free of bird droppings near and on my front door.

As a couple weeks passed by, I would make it a point to take a minute or two to watch the baby birds every day to see the progress of their growth.  It was always delightful to see them peek down at me and even more so to hear them chirp in excitement when one of their parents returned.  Last week, I had the pleasure of spying a parent swallow fly towards my home with an earthworm tightly clasped in its beak and it warmed my heart to think that these little hatchlings were getting bigger and stronger each day.  A few days later, I was only able to count three heads staring down at me and I could not help but wonder if the fourth had voluntarily left the nest or if it had succumbed to illness or a predator.  Since I could not find any evidence of the later, I told myself the missing bird must have flown the coop.

Tonight, Jenn-Jen stepped outside and noticed another change.  The three remaining baby birds were no longer in the mud nest as they normally are during the night.  I had suspected the young hatchlings were readying themselves for life on their own, as I thought I saw two of them perched on the window sill outside my home office.  Jenn-Jen did say one of the parent birds has reclaimed the nest while the other roosts atop my front door, dropping away.  I will keep a closer eye on the swallows’ home each night, but I have a feeling we are nearing the end of their tenancy. 

Thinking more and more about the adventures of the swallows outside my front door made me contemplate how our lives are not so entirely different.  Tomorrow will mark Katelynn and Daria’s six month birthday, and I find it oddly coincidental that the hatchlings have progressed to a phase in their lives where they show marked development and maturity.  While our little angels are no where near becoming independent, I could not help but reflect upon how far along they have come since that joyous, yet frightful January Monday when they decided to make their entrance to the world.  Katelynn and Daria are now both over twelve pounds, which is more than six times their birth weights.  They are sleeping through one of the night feedings, more or less, on a consistent basis, and this allows me to attempt to catch up on my sleep too.  Both girls are definitely becoming more interactive with their smiles, cooing, and use of their hands to swat at dangling toys and milk bottles when choose not to cooperate with their feedings.

So the more I think about the bird family just outside my house, the more I have come to realize that my babies are getting bigger and stronger each day.  One day, they will surprise Jenn-Jen and me with an uncoordinated attempt at mobility.  Soon thereafter, they will hold conversations with us as their big broth Adam does with logic and persuasion.  Then, one day, they will leave behind them an empty nest, except for the proud parents Jenn-Jen and I most certainly consider ourselves to be. 

I cannot help but chuckle to myself, thinking of these events that seem so far out in the horizon… yet, it astonishes me how quickly these six months have passed.  There are still many unknowns ahead of us, given the developmental complications that may arise from Katelynn and Daria’s extreme prematurity.  As we have done in the past and continue to do today, Jenn-Jen and I can only do the best we know as parents to our children and pray to our Lord that He provides us with the strength, patience and discernment to follow His leading in our journey. 

More photos are on their way and, believe it or not, I am still striving to put up a post more often than once a week.  Lord, I am praying for a few portions of serious time management skills and a few more portions of physical and mental energy.  I thank you God for providing us with resources to lighten the burden and ask you bless all of those who have been fervently supporting our family since our marathon began over six months ago.

July 11, 2008 to July 20, 2008 – Busy, busy, busy

Wow, so where do I begin, besides stating the obvious fact that life continues to remain busy, busy, busy!  I am beginning to feel that I must actively set aside time to journal more frequently so I do not miss out on recording my thoughts throughout each day, yet I face the persistent multitude of tasks that seem to always require my immediate attention.  Is this what I should expect, or am I just not making it a high enough priority to take the time to write as I had in the past?  Either way, there is a part of me that remains somewhat empty and I find myself experiencing that mentally uncomfortable “now what was that thing that I going to do?” feeling when I put so much time in between each post.  So, I resolve to work at managing my time a little better each day so I do not lose out on opportunities to capture those precious moments that can be so elusive amidst our busy lives.

Having said that, our family is actually quite well.  Going back to June 11th, Jenn-Jen and I brought Katleynn and Daria to our Ophthalmologist/Retinal Specialist to have him follow the progress of Daria’s eyes.  As much as we loathe the discomfort Daria is forced to endure so the doctor can examine her retinas, Jenn-Jen and I know that it is critical for Daria to undergo this to ensure the viability of her eyesight.  Thankfully, all checked out well once again and we learned that Daria’s retinopathy of prematurity (ROP) has regressed significantly.  We have another examination scheduled in three weeks, and if we continue to see the stability we have seen thus far, Daria will no longer need to come back to this office.  Nonetheless, both she and Katelynn would still need to have a less frequent eye examination with the pediatric ophthalmologist to address other potential eyesight issues.  The girls may actually need to wear glasses as babies, but we will cross that bridge if we come to it.

As for additional outings, I am excited to report that we brought Katelynn and Daria to church for the first time on July 13th.  Like any proud father, I equipped myself with my camera and our new camcorder to record the girls’ first trip outside home that had nothing to do with seeing a doctor.  I still need to set aside the time to go through the images and video, so there is more to come soon.  I can tell you that bringing the whole family to church is a bit of a logistical endeavor, which required the proper packing of bottles, hot water for warming the bottles, diapers and burp cloths, and coordinating this with the time-consuming feeding schedule.  As much as I would have enjoyed worshipping peacefully together in the church sanctuary, reality dictates that we would have a very disjointed experience.  By choice, Jenn-Jen essentially spent her time feeding Katelynn and Daria one at a time out in the atrium while I brought the non-feeding twin into the sanctuary to catch bits and pieces of the sermon.  Adam, on the other hand, would not notice any difference, as he spent his time in Splash, part of our church’s amazing children’s ministry.

Even though attending church was nothing near what it used to be pre-Katelynn and Daria, Jenn-Jen and I had a wonderful time catching up with our dear church family.  Many of our good friends at church have read and heard so much about our twins, and we wanted to finally introduce them to the miracles the Lord has so generously given to us as blessings.  Our goal is to continue to come to church consistently, barring any illness or crazy nights preceding, and I am happy to say that we were able to come out for Sunday services once again today, July 20th.

Jumping back yesterday to Saturday, July 19th, Jenn-Jen and I were crazy enough to take Katelynn and Daria out to Costco to replenish our pantry and cupboards with much needed food and supplies.  If you know me well enough, you will learn that Costco is one of my favorite places to shop.  It has been months, if not half a year, since we have made a significant Costco trip, so the cart ended up being quite full this time.  Of particular note was the astonishing cost for diapers and baby wipes!  Two hundred and fifty two diapers sound like they would last for months on end, but Katelynn and Daria still go through them quickly with their seemingly healthy digestive systems.  I still remember how good it felt on the pocketbook when Adam was successfully potty-trained.  Now if there was only a way to teach the girls to give us some sort of sign they need to pee or poop… 

I digress with diaper talk once again… The trip to Costco was actually very therapeutic for me, despite the warehouse store being filled with a plethora of weekend shoppers.  If anything, this outing provided a psychological boost, as it marks a milestone in our return to a “normal” life that includes human contact outside the confines of our home.  We were even able to find a nice, semi-private area where we were able to feed Katelynn and Daria comfortably.  It just so happens that it is that time of year when Costco is stocked with a nice selection of furniture, so we had our pick of floor sample sofas and chairs to “test drive.”  I just kept praying that Daria would keep the milk in and not use the fine microfiber recliner Jenn-Jen settled into for target practice, else we may have our membership revoked and pictures posted near the entrance like they used to do with fugitive mugshots in post offices across the nation.  Thankfully, both Katelynn and Daria did just fine and we headed home with our minivan packed full of our newly-purchased necessities.  The experience went so well, I think we can come back next month, unless they stop selling those comfy sofas and chairs.

Now, going back a few more days to Wednesday, June 16th, we had the opportunity to have our first respite care worker visit.  Right now Jenn-Jen and I are scheduling the minimum two-hour slots to interview a variety of workers to see who we “gel” with the best.  The worker that came seemed like a nice enough lady, but we are still very early in finding a match with two or three individuals who we will establish a more regular relationship.  Ideally, we are looking for someone who has experience working with infants, preferably multiples, but it is vital we feel comfortable with this individual that we plan on bringing into our home as a trusted part-time caretaker for the girls.  For the foreseeable future, we plan on having our respite workers aid us as an extra set of hands to provide comfort and care in addition to Jenn-Jen or myself during the weekdays.  With the limited hours of care allotted to us each calendar quarter, we still need to figure out the best way to parse out the scheduling to best meet our needs.  Some families actually squirrel up their hours and use them all in one fell swoop at the end of the quarter just to have some time to get away.  Given our situation, we see respite coming in handy more so for short, frequent visits to provide stress relief and, as sad as it may sound, time to take a shower or perform household chores. 

I still find it amazing that another week has passed since I last updated the blog.  Where the time goes is beyond my comprehension, especially as we are still living our lives with either Jenn-Jen or myself by Katelynn and Daria’s side all the time.  I looked at the calendar and realized that this past Friday, July 18th, marked the sixth month anniversary of the date when Jenn-Jen was admitted to Sutter Memorial Hospital with severe pre-term labor.  It really is hard to believe Katelynn and Daria were born ten days later, and now, here we are almost half a year out.  I thank my God everyday that our whole family is still here with us today, yet I know that His plans may not always be what we want or expect.  I suppose my personal challenge is to continue to put a little more trust and faith into His perfect will each day.  In my prayer time, I always try to remind myself that God has brought me and my family this far with blessings beyond what I would have ever imagined, but there is always that fear and doubt which is undeniably clouded by my sin that presents the constant battle of faith I must undertake every day.  Dear friends and family, the life we have been living since our world changed six months ago can, at many times, be hard enough in itself.  I just cannot imagine going through this without my Jesus carrying me through the depth of all the valleys and the seemingly insurmountable mountains that have marked my life since the end of January.

Please enjoy the pictures here and copied in the Photos page.  I will make every effort to begin posting more frequently beginning this week.

Katelynn (left) & Daria (right) sleeping comfortably after a bath ( 07.03.08 )

Our family on Gordon’s birthday ( 07.03.08 )

Katelynn and Adam look ready for some birthday cake! ( 07.03.08 )

              

“Hey Daria, pffffffthhh!!!” ( 07.04.08 )

“Oh, sorry, did I get your face?” ( 07.04.08 )

“It’s ok Katelynn, I’m used to it!” ( 07.04.08 )

“OK, did I tell you I love being your sister?” ( 07.04.08 )

“Yeah, me too, now can you help scratch my ear please?” ( 07.04.08 )

“Sure thing Daria, does that feel better?” ( 07.04.08 )

   

“Hey Daria, Mom & Dad got us a pinata!” ( 07.11.08 )

“Cool!  What’s a pinata?” ( 07.11.08 )

July 7, 2008 to July 10, 2008 – Peace and relief

Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us.

Isaiah 26:12 New International Version

The week has been quite hectic for the Owyang family, but we have been busy in a good, productive way.  From a personal perspective, I feel more in control, less frustrated and much better overall compared to last week.  Our lives do feel a bit more orderly now, but this is only made possible through a combination of one measure of focused effort and three measures of prayer.  I am still struggling to make time with the Lord regularly, but am slowly working my way back into dedicating part of each day (or night) to renew my spiritual life. 

Monday was an exciting day for Adam.  Our son returned to his second week of summer session at his preschool, with the new exciting theme of pirates, which happens to be another one of Adam’s favorites.  Additionally, we began swimming lessons in the afternoon after a prolonged period away from the pool.  Adam had been very nervous about going underwater again, but it did not take long for him to remember all the fun and excitement he enjoyed last year.  With Adam in school and attending swimming lessons, Jenn-Jen and I feel thankful that our son no longer finds himself bored.  I have committed myself to not only bring Adam to swim Monday through Thursdays, but spend some time with him after his lessons to help him practice what he has learned.  So our new routine goes something like this: Adam is away for thirty minutes with his swim instructor, I find an open lane nearby and swim a few laps, and when lessons are over, we move over to the lagoon pool to have some fun.  My exercise regimen has fallen off a cliff since January, so it sure is invigorating to keep back into shape.  Now if my muscles would only feel as enthusiastic as my mind…

Jenn-Jen and I have been working hard on reconditioning Katelynn to not fight her feeds.  We agree that her behavior has been a learned response, probably from a number of poor feeds previously, so we are doing everything we can to show her that feeding is a good experience.  When she resists and cries, Jenn-Jen and I have decided to put Katelynn down to let her calm down, and this method seems to work.  Admittedly, Jenn-Jen does seem to have more success than I do, but I am learning to not be so worked up about making sure Katelynn takes in enough milk.  I am also reminding myself daily that the girls are gaining a healthy amount of weight, so if a signficant amount of the bottle remains, so be it.

Speaking of the girls’ weights, I am very encouraged to report that we went to our pediatrician’s office on Monday, July 7th, and are pleased with results.  Katelynn is now at 10 pounds 10 ounces and Daria measured in at 11 pounds 5 ounces.  Our doctor was thrilled to see how well Katelynn progressed despite the setback associated with her going into surgery for her shunt revision.  As he plotted Daria’s growth, he directed us to look at his computer screen to illustrate the fruits of our efforts.  We stared at a growth chart, similar to this one from the CDC: (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhanes/growthcharts/set2clinical/cj41l068.pdf), and were blown away by what we saw.  When we tracked Daria’s progress, we learned that she now plots on the curve, albeit around the third percentile!  While this is roughly three standard deviations below the mean, the sharpness of both of the girls’ growth curves shows that they are well on their way towards catching up to what full-term babies should weigh at this point of their chronological age.

We have also received our pediatrician’s blessing to skip one of the night time feedings for Katelynn and Daria.  Due to the impressive weight gain mentioned above, the doctor felt that it would be fine to let the girls rest a little longer at night, which in an ideal world, should amount to a little more rest for us parents.  Jenn-Jen and I were ecstatic to be given this opportunity, but you have to understand that we can only get extra sleep if both of the twins decide they will skip the same meal.  The first two nights we tried this amounted to nothing much more than an uncoordinated headache of variable feedings, but it finally feels that the girls have adjusted as of last night.  I am trying to promote restful sleeping by making the environment as quiet and dim as possible after midnight, and was even successful in catching a nap myself when the girls were asleep. 

Today we had a chance to meet Shannon, the Program Manager from United Cerebral Palsy’s Respite services.  Listening to Shannon’s own experiences raising her twin nieces as a widow gave us a sense of admiration for this woman’s strength and dedication.   Our interview with Shannon provided many answers to the respite service granted to us by the Alta Regional Center and we are looking forward to meeting a care worker who came highly recommended.  As you can imagine, as much as Jenn-Jen and I value the extra help with Katleynn and Daria, we also want to make sure the respite worker is familiar and comfortable working with young infants with a history of prematurity.  Given Shannon’s personal history, we felt very comfortable in trusting her as being our advocate in finding the right resource.  At this point we have seventy two hours of respite care provided per calendar quarter, which amounts to twenty four hours of much-appreciated assistance each month.  This may not be a huge amount, but we are grateful for this blessing.

As I found a moment to go through some digital photos taken since the last time I posted them on the blog, I came to realize how long it has been since I have shared these captured moments in time I treasure so dearly.  I wish I could turn back time and set up a journal back when Adam was born, but as frazzled as life can sometimes feel nowadays, I was probably even more of a wreck back then as a brand new parent.  Nonetheless, I want to put up a few overdue pictures so you can see how the girls continue to grow, which is obviously better than how our carrots are faring… 

 Adam and Dad attempt to grow carrots ( 06.17.08 ) 

Maybe that carrot needs to grow some more ( 06.17.08 )

Katelynn looking well after her shunt revision surgery ( 06.21.08 )

Katelynn shortly before coming home from surgery ( 06.21.08 )

Adam is hanging out with Daria ( 06.23.08 )

Daria (left) & Katelynn (right) playing on their quilt ( 07.02.08 )

 

“Uh, Katleynn, where do you think you’re going?” ( 07.02.08 )

Daria, Adam & Katelynn on the quilt ( 07.02.08 )

Daria is quietly looking for her hand ( 07.02.08 )

June 30, 2008 to July 6, 2008 – Praise for improvements and prayers needed for our challenges

Since my last post, much has changed and much has stayed the same.  Let me start off with the positive developments:

·     Daria’s development is truly showing!  She is tracking us really keenly with her eyes, gives us a smile periodically and made her first “ooooh” response to my sister, Janet.  It is unbelievable that this momentous occasion would happen with my sister, given the amount of time Jenn-Jen and I spend caring for the girls.  At least this happened on my birthday!  Thanks for the special gift, Daria! 

·     Katelynn is also improving in her development.  We are seeing more focus from her in terms of eye contact and she will offer a rare smile here and there.  Katelynn also tracks us a bit better now, so it is encouraging to see the overall improvements.  Feedings have improved in terms of volume, but not so much with her feisty acts of resistance.

·     Adam is officially resumed preschool for summer session until Kindergarten begins next month.  We have seen marked improvement with his behavior, as his boredom has waned with the excitement of learning new things in a fun and social environment.  As a bonus, this past week’s theme in preschool focused on dinosaurs, a recent favorite topic of discussion.

·     The smoke in the Sacramento valley finally came down and our air quality is improved last week.  I felt comfortable enough being outside that I mustered the energy to pull out a significant number of rogue, broad-leaf weeds from my front yard.  It was an invigorating and cleansing moment when I tossed out the last culprit into the green waste container.  Unfortunately, we are due for more foul air in the near future.

·     I gained another year on July 3rd and had my family over for a barbecue.  In all honesty, I was not expecting my birthday to be different than any other day I have had since the twins came home from the hospital.  I was happy and thankful to be able to share it with my loved ones, and really enjoyed the handmade card/letter Adam put together for me.

·     A family from our connection group at church was kind and generous enough to bless us with the service of a housecleaner.  We are extremely grateful for this blessing and a little embarrassed at the sad state of clutter and dust that has run rampant in our home.  At least I am now motivated to keep up the cleaning.

·     We heard back from our service coordinator at the Alta Regional Center and learned that we will be able to begin receiving respite care shortly through the program at United Cerebral Palsy (http://www.ucp.org/)!  I spoke with the Program Manager who will be coming out on Thursday, July 10th to begin with an intake interview.  It will be a relief to have more support given our around-the-clock care of the twins.

Unfortunately the road we have traveled during the past week has far from being stress free.  While many of the issues are minor, the cumulative effect of the challenges we face can create a less than pleasant mood around the house.  Let me elaborate:

·     Parenting very premature twins remains as daunting as ever, as Jenn-Jen and I often feel we are trying to make our way through treacherous, uncharted waters.  We find ourselves often in doubt if we are doing the best for the twins, and a good example is if it is better to follow the three hour feeding schedule to promote their “catch-up” weight gain, or let them get the sleep they seem to need so much.  Complicating the matter are the periodic occurrences of unsolicited advice, which I will call “drive-by parenting,” offered up by well meaning strangers, acquaintances, and even our dearest loved ones.  Please do not misunderstand my frustration as hypersensitivity, as I have always been, and continue to be grateful and appreciative of all of the support received thus far. Honestly, I question if Jenn-Jen and I would have remained sane without assistance.  Still, it almost goes without saying that in our worst moments when we are feeling emotionally spent, we get sniped by suggestions that often begin with phrases like “so-and-so’s baby is doing just fine, so maybe you should try doing this…” or “maybe you are pushing the twins too hard and need to lighten up…” or “how come you aren’t trying harder to get the girls to nurse?”  Unfortunately, comments like this made even in the sincerest spirit of good intentions pierce our increasingly fragile emotional state like judgmental bullets, and their unintended effect makes us feel our ability to properly parent Katelynn and Daria is in serious doubt.  I know that some of you may wonder if we are being too defensive, but I can say in earnest that I receive no edification when our parenting skills and the development my girls are compared with others and their children.  My argument is simple:  unless the baby in comparison was born as a multiple with similar issues relating to extreme prematurity and the various medical conditions faced by my Katelynn and Daria, there is no right to assume what works well with that baby is the end-all solution for my girls.  I apologize if I am coming across harsh, but there have been many times when I want to throw up my hands, hand over the twins and say “if you feel that you know it all, please go ahead and show me your way works.”  Therein the aggravation lies, as that is not an option.  In the meantime, as tired as Jenn-Jen and I are feeling, we will continue to work on toughening ourselves while we are giving our all to provide the best for our babies.

·     It saddens me to report that we caught Adam lying to us.  I am not so naive as to believe this day would never come, but it is an inevitable and disappointing milestone I had hoped to forgo as long as possible.  Jenn-Jen and I have taken proactive measures to explain to Adam how lying is wrong and hurtful, while doing so with the reassurance that our love remains steadfast even if he makes the wrong choice.  As parents, we feel it is vital to provide our children with the understanding that there will be repercussions for making poor choices, but telling the truth will always yield better results than lying.

·     Our lack of sleep is still a cause of concern.  I am increasingly finding myself sleeping as the sun is beginning to rise, only to get up in a few hours to begin work.  Sometimes I am surprised my mental faculties remain as intact as they are.  Jenn-Jen is also sleep-deprived, and coupling this with her elevated stress level, she often speaks of feeling exhausted even right after waking up.  I confess our exhaustion may be a major contributor to the first problem mentioned above.

There is still so much more on my mind to share, but Jenn-Jen is awake to relieve me and the bed desperately calls.  I thank you for rejoicing with us for all the good that God has provided and I thank you for your compassion, understanding and prayers for all the challenges we face.  If you would specifically pray for us to keep our attitudes in check, that would be appreciated.  The last thing I want to do is to ostracize those that want to help by being snappy or mean-spirited.  Please forgive us if you have been the undeserving recipient of our frustration.

 

June 26, 2008 to June 29, 2008 – The haze remains but respite is near

It is truly astonishing, but there are still over one thousand wildfires burning throughout the state of California.  With the dry winter leading up to our current drought condition, much of the flora has turned into tinder.  Here in Sacramento, we are still blanketed by a hazy sky full of particulate matter and the air quality index (AQI) forecast for Monday remains unhealthy at 151 (http://www.sparetheair.com/index.cfm).  Even at 3:45 AM, the AQI locally is in the moderate range with a reading of 59.  By Tuesday, we should see some reprieve as the wind will carry away some of the nasty air, just in time as Adam begins his month-long summer session at his preschool. 

Things here in the Owyang home remain about the same.  We are still tired and sleep-deprived, but our spirits remain intact.  I want to thank you for your dedication in continuing on with us, and please accept my apologies if it is taking a little longer for me to respond to your e-mails, messages and packages.  Speaking of packages, Jenn-Jen and I owe an overdue word of thanks to our dear friends, Sue and Peter, for their thoughtful care package.  The unfortunate reality of our moment-by-moment lives is that we are still struggling to find time to tend to many of the basics, and regrettably, I am saddened to say that we are not as quick as we used to be in acknowledging all of your acts of kindness and generosity.  A good illustration of this is the fact that I woke up Sunday morning around 7:00 AM and finally found a spare moment to brush my teeth and wash up at 12:30, nearly five and a half hours later.  In case you are wondering, I promise I will not get offended if you tell me that I need a shower or breath mint…

As pressed as we are for more time and rest, I am encouraged to say that we are qualified to receive respite care.  Our meeting with the service coordinator from the Alta Regional Center was time well spent on Thursday, as the interview process brought out the details surrounding the challenges of raising very premature twins.  One of the services we have been granted is having a care worker come to our home to provide respite, or relief, assistance as we see the need.  Of course, there is a limit as to the amount of time that is available per calendar quarter, but we welcome this resource with open arms.  Having my parents and an occasional visit from friends has always been a very short-term solution for us, and we feel we have taken so much from so many.  Since the respite care is a state-sponsored program, Jenn-Jen and I feel that we can be less of a burden on our loved ones.  It will still be a few weeks before the respite care begins, but we are encouraged to know help is on the way.

Katelynn and Daria’s feedings remain challenging, but we feel we are learning to adapt to their individuality every day.  After numerous trial and error attempts, it appears that Katelynn favors a smaller, slower flow nipple.  While this is not exactly what we had hoped for, it gives us a sense of peace in learning what works best for a peaceful feeding.  The smaller nipples, unfortunately, do not mimic the breast well, so a part of us feels we are taking a step back towards the ultimate goal of getting Katelynn to nurse.  Additionally, the slower flow means a longer feed and time pressure to make sure our baby is getting enough.

Daria’s feedings have taken a negative turn as of late.  For some unknown reason, Daria is often drowsy and this equates to her taking in less milk.  We are finding ourselves trying all sorts of stimulation, from tickling to a cool washcloth to her face, to get Daria to wake up.  Perhaps this is a temporary phase, but it often feels like we are tossing out a third or more of the milk in the bottle each time. 

Another weekend has come and gone.  As much as each day is beginning to meld into another, Saturday and Sundays offer me some freedom from thinking about my responsibilities at work.  As a full-time telecommuter, I have spent the last few years honing my skills in the art of work/life balance, but I confess it has been much more challenging with the schedule I now keep.  For the past two weeks, I have been feeling my guilt return each time I see Adam acting bored or asking what he should be doing.  I even feel that same sense of being a substandard father when I realize my five year old son has spent the last ninety minutes in his room reading alone.  I cannot tell you how relieved I am to know that Adam’s summer session will begin this week.  Additionally, he will have some swimming lessons coming up as well to keep him occupied in a healthy manner.  I suppose all of us will have respite from the challenges of our daily lives soon.  Thank God.

June 23, 2008 to June 25, 2008 – Fighting the fires

California has been a literal inferno during the past week.  With over one thousand wild fires burning throughout our state, and several significant blazes not too far away, Sacramento county is awash in unhealthy air filled with particulate matter.  The good news is that the huge 23,344 acre Humbolt fire up north near Chico, the large 6,400 acre Jackson fire to our east, and the moderate 4,089 acre unnamed fire to our west near Fairfield are completely contained.  The bad news is that Sacramento has been virtually surrounded by a thick haze for days now, will continue on this path for the near future.  The air has been so smoky, we are still showing an air quality index (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_quality) reading of 157, which falls into the “unhealthy” category.  Our local meteorologists are recommending all local residents to remain indoors, and those that are susceptible to respiratory ailments, such as the elderly, children or people suffering from asthma are most at risk.  Because of the unwholesome situation with our air, I have only stepped outside the last couple of days to retrieve the mail and newspaper.  If it were not for the smoky haze, the weather is actually not all too hot considering we are at the end of June.

As I speak about the wildfires here in California, I think quite often about how our lives seemed to have been in this fire-fighting mode lately.  Since Katelynn’s surgery and discharge over the weekend, we have been watching her very closely to see if the marked improvement is here to stay.  Her fontanelle has softened and sunken back down to a normal level, and her head definitely looks less swollen.  In terms of her behavioral change, all was looking well at the beginning, but we are now seeing her fight her feedings again.  This probably has nothing to do with the occlusion of her ventricular shunt system, but it is nonetheless a bit frustrating to see Katelynn adamantly resist the bottle during a majority of her feeds.  So we are back to sleuthing for a solution on how to make this time less stressful and more enjoyable for all of us.  We did notice Katelynn having quite a bit of trouble gagging on the Avent nipples before her shunt issues, and saw some relief when we switched to the shorter nipples supplied by the hospital.  As an effort to make things more peaceful, we decided to move back to these hospital nipples on a Gerber bottle, despite our recent success with the Avent system.  We have seen mixed results, and as of tonight, Katelynn is still showing much resistance.  The situation is challenging to say the least…

Tuesday, June 24th and today have been tiring, and much of it is related to the fact that Adam is now on his second week off since his preschool session ended.  Jenn-Jen and I feel that Adam is either bored or is beginning to feel the reality of not being able to grab our attention at his whim.  Either way and even with my parents around to help out, the stress level has been elevated because we are undergoing a painful period of adaptation for Adam.  We are trying our best not to let his frequent questions regarding what he should be doing now wear on us, but I confess, it is beginning to feel as if he is whining and sometimes incapable of using his resources and imagination to keep occupied.  Just as I am about to lose my patience with my son, he will sometimes surprise me and gather some books to read on the sofa.  During my times off work or during lunch, we have been working on his interest in learning fractions.  So we find ourselves drawing circles into imaginary pieces of pie or cutting out similar circles out of paper to illustrate the wonders of halves, thirds and quarters.  Sometimes I still find it hard to believe Adam is five and has not started kindergarten yet.  I just hope Jenn-Jen and I can keep him challenged despite being so busy with Katelynn and Daria.

Today we were fortunate enough to have Cheryl, a friend from church, come by to help out during the day while my mother was out running errands.  I have come to concede that, at this stage of need from our children, having just Jenn-Jen or myself tend to all three of our children is all but an impossible mission.  While I completely appreciate the help my parents have provided by sacrificing their time to be with us, they have their needs, responsibilities and lives to lead too.  As much as I was afraid to let my mother run off during the afternoon, I knew that it would be selfish of me to expect her to be constantly on duty.  I suppose it is the same lesson I am trying to impart on Adam, which is to learn the difficult lesson of doing the best you can when there may not be much to work with.  Still, we owe Cheryl our gratitude for her servant’s heart in asking us if she could come over to provide some relief.

I am looking forward to an in-home appointment scheduled for tomorrow (Thursday) morning with a representative from the Alta California Regional Center (http://www.altaregional.org/).  This non-profit organization is contracted by the State of California to offer resources and support for individuals with developmental disabilities, children at risk and their families.  I had a brief discussion with the mother of Katelynn’s roommate at the hospital on Saturday regarding some of the services she has received and am eager to learn more for the sake of Katelynn and Daria.  While it feels exceedingly difficult to manage more appointments, I am encouraged to know many of the services provided through Alta will be house calls.  Jenn-Jen and I grow more and more concerned about our girls’ development, and especially with Katelynn, as the effects of her grade 4 intraventricular hemorrhage (IVH) will slowly begin to manifest.  Our hope and prayer is that we can do everything possible to help intervene and provide enough therapy to help offset any potential disability.

Well, it is 3:15 AM and once again, time to begin the next round of feedings.  Jenn-Jen is up and expressing her milk, so I will start off Daria’s feed.  Then I will try to add about three hours of sleep to the two hour nap I took in the early evening last night.  One day I may just keep an hourly log of my activities and put together a nifty pie chart of where all my time goes.  Now, if I only had the luxury of devoting time to do that!  Goodnight dear friends and family from the quiet comfort of my sofa. 

 

June 20, 2008 to June 22, 2008 – The long and exhausting weekend

Friday, June 20th, was unbelievably stressful.   We started off the day watching Katelynn closely until our pediatric neurosurgeon’s office opened at 8:00 AM.  When we called, Jenn-Jen left an urgent message explaining Katelynn’s progressively worsening lethargy and asked to have either the doctor or his assistant call us back as soon as possible.  Within an hour, we heard back and were directed to go to Sutter Memorial Hospital for an 11:00 AM head ultrasound appointment.  This would mark the beginning of an extremely busy Friday, as we were scheduled to bring the girls in to see the retinal specialist at 12:40 PM for an assessment of their retinopathy of prematurity (ROP), followed by a 3:30 PM appointment for Katelynn at the neurologist’s office. 

The head echo, or ultrasound, went as smoothly as it could have, given the fact Jenn-Jen needed to pump and Daria was up for her feeding.  Thankfully, we were at the hospital and the lactation room was readily accessible.  Somehow we were able to manage all three of our tasks with just enough time to make it over for the girls’ eye examinations.  It really could not have worked out better that the ophthalmologist’s office was only a mile away.

After a long wait, the ophthalmologist’s staff came by to administer some pupil dilating drops in Katelynn and Daria’s eyes.  This would be repeated two more times at ten minute intervals to allow the pupils to open up completely so the doctor can see through their eyes to view their retinas.  All the while, we were wondering if the results of the ultrasound were on their way to our neurosurgeon.  We were finally moved out of the waiting area into a room and the doctor came in to assess the twins.  I asked Jenn-Jen to turn away as I held each of the girls separately during the very uncomfortable eye examination.  Fortunately, the ophthalmologist was quick and the news was good!  Katleynn’s ROP has completely regressed, so she will no longer need to see the retinal specialist.  Daria’s condition has also stabilized, but another examination will be required in three week’s time.  The doctor was hopeful and said that he feels there is a ninety-five percent chance that Daria’s ROP will clear by the next visit. 

With the excellent results, we dashed off to the neurologist’s office, which happened to be about another mile away.  Through the crazy agenda we had, there was no time for us to stop for lunch, let alone feed the girls on schedule.  Our hunger would have to wait, as we really wanted to know if there would be any further instructions regarding Katelynn’s deteriorating condition.

As it always seems to be the case in these types of situations, the neurologist was running behind with his appointments, but not quite behind enough for us to do anything else except wait to be called in.  During this time, a number of people found it fascinating to see twins and tried to make their way over to Katelynn and Daria.  It really was not so bad until two young children broke loose from their parents and insisted on getting a closer glimpse of the girls.  I had to intervene, ask them to stay back and explain that the twins were not feeling well.  As much as I hate being an over-protective parent, the fact of the matter is that our Katleynn and Daria are still preemies and highly susceptible to anything even remotely contagious. 

After a significant wait, we were called into one of the examination rooms at the neurologist’s office.  This would be the first of many post-discharge visits with this specialist, as he would help assess and explain the potential developmental complications that may be in store, primarily for Katelynn.  Dr. Chez stepped in and we immediately found the man to be very amiable.  He appeared to be very down to earth and friendly, but what impressed us most was his concern and sense of patient advocacy.  The doctor could tell Katelynn was experiencing a shunt malfunction, but wanted the neurosurgeon’s assistant to come down to confirm.  We were fortunate that the neurologist and neurosurgeon’s offices were only separated by three floors in the same building, so it was not long before the assistant was called to come in.

It did not take long for everyone in the room to come to the same conclusion that Katelynnwas having trouble with her ventricular shunt.  A call was made to our pediatric neurosurgeon and the assistant tapped the shunt to find out where the occlusion, or blockage, was located.  After a few needle sticks, it appeared that there was blockage somewhere between the brain ventricles and the shunt itself.  The neurosurgeon replied on the phone that he had reviewed the ultrasound results and wanted to get Katleynn into surgery on Monday morning to resolve the issue. 

Monday just seemed so far away, given how quickly Katelynn’s condition worsened since the neurosurgeon saw her only three days ago.  We must have looked dejected and stressed, because the assistant quickly left to see if she could get an operation scheduled sooner.  Our pediatric neurosurgeon was already off work, but one of his partners was on-callat the hospital.  Instead of waiting until Monday, Katelynn would go into surgery in a few hours and stay, at a minimum, overnight at the hospital. 

Jenn-Jen and I deliberated on our next course of action and agreed that it would be best that I stay with Katelynn overnight.  The four of us drove over the the hospital and checked Katelynn in right away.  Surgery had been informed and already prepared for our arrival, so the transition process from the admission desk over to the operating room holding area went very smoothly.  Before long, we met with the anesthesiologist and neurosurgeon to go over the procedure.  They would access the area near where Katelynn’s shunt is currently placed to determine where the problem was located.  If the occlusion resides in the cathether that draws cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) from the ventricles to the the shunt valve, it would be fairly easy to replace the catheter tubing.  In the meantime, they would also also take a sample of Katelynn’s CSF to see if there was any infection.  As a precaution of the possibility of complications, the Monday morning neurosurgery appointment would remain on the schedule for a follow-up procedure as necessary.

During the hour-long operation, Jenn-Jen, Daria and I went over to the hospital cafeteria to pick up dinner.  With the hectic schedule we have had, we missed lunch altogether and our stomachs were beginning to remind us that we were hungry.  Once again, it was also time for Jenn-Jen to express her milk, so Daria and I returned to the surgery waiting area.  We were grateful for a very compassionate nurse that put us up in a separate room to wait for Katelynn, effectively removing us from the crowded general waiting area.  Before long, the neurosurgeon came by to inform us that Katelynn did very well through the surgery and would be in the recovery area for an hour or so.  As they suspected, the occlusion was a small blood clot that lodged itself in the proximal cathether between our daughter’s ventricles and the shunt.  Katelynn would spend the night upstairs on the sixth floor in the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) before her scheduled computerized axial tomography (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/ct-scan/FL00065), or CAT scan in the morning.

After an hour or so, we escorted Katelynn upstairs into a room she would share with another baby girl undergoing care.  Our daughter already appeared more alert as she had regained consciousness and I could see that her head was visibly less swollen.  Katelynn was doing well enough post-surgery that we were able to feed her sixty milliliters of milk, roughly half of a normal feeding.  Once she finished, I drove Jenn-Jen and Daria back home, where my father was waiting and would spend the night helping out. 

I looked at the clock and realized it was past 11:00 PM.  Although I had been up over twenty four hours straight, I was doing better physically and mentally than I would have expected out of myself.  Armed with a large travel mug of home-brewed coffee, I drove back to the hospital through the detour caused by the massive freeway reconstruction in the middle of downtown Sacramento on Interstate 5 and made it in time to give Katelynn her next feed.  We would increase the volume to ninety milliliters to help Katlelynn transition back to the one hundred and twenty she normally takes in every three hours.  Our little fighter gulped down the ninety in a heartbeat, and I felt satisfied in knowing we have our Katelynn back.

It was now approaching 1:00 AM early Saturday morning and I had not slept since I woke up on Thursday around 10:30 PM.  I informed Katelynn’s nurse that I would probably pass out before the next feeding in three hours, so she gladly volunteered to feed Katelynn.  I am not sure if I have ever stayed up for twenty seven hours without sleep, but seeing Katelynn sleeping soundly in peace allowed my mind and body to finally rest.  Sleeping in fold-down reclining chair would normally be a backache just waiting to happen, but I was beginning to feel so tired, you could have set me in a bathtub for the night.  Jim, the father of Katelynn’s roomate would be staying overnight as well, keeping his daughter company as I would with mine.

I awoke at 7:00 AM to the sounds of nurses talking to one another.  Surprisingly, I slept very well and felt quite refreshed.  Jim had left already and I ventured out towards the bathroom with my toothbrush and contact lenses in hand.  It was a wonderful surprise to see Gina, one of the nurses who had taken care of our twins in the NICU downstairs.  Gina informed me that she was “floating” up here in the PICU and would be taking care of Katelynn for the day.  It was such a comfort to see a familiar face and I felt that we were off to a great start. 

An hour later, we received a call that the CT scan was ready for Katelynn.  Gina rounded up a wagon, and converted it into a nicely padded bassinet on wheels for Katelynn’stransport.  I would pull my daughter while Gina trailed behind with the IV pole.  Through an elevator ride six floors down and a trek down two long hallways, we made it to our destination.  I had never seen a CT scan machine in real life, and it looked quite huge as we placed my tiny baby onto the platform where she would lay for the scan.  After donning a lead apron and placing a small lead blanket over Kately, the GE Lightspeed (http://www.gehealthcare.com/usen/ct/products/lsproducts.html) CT Scanner came to life to take a series of high clarity images of Katelynn’sbrain anatomy.  The challenge with scanning babies is to keep them still during the process, and with a little help of a pacifier, Katelynn stayed cool and calm.  I was glad to see how quickly the scan was performed, and within a few minutes, we were packed up and headed back up to the sixth floor.

Another feeding was coming up in ninety minutes, and I wanted to move Katelynn up to her full one hundred twenty milliliters.  The problem was that there would not be enough breast milk for the next feed if Katelynn were not to be discharged until the late afternoon.  I made the decision to drive home to pick up a few bottles of milk while we were waiting for word from the neurosurgeon.  As I came back to the hospital, I learned that the doctor had actually called Jenn-Jen and informed her that Katelynn was looking very well enough that we could take her home soon.  Had I waited thirty minutes longer, the re-stocking trip home may not have been necessary.

Katelynn took the full feed without any issues and I went over the discharge notes with the nurse.  We would be able to remove the Tegaderm dressing on her scalp the next day and apply Neosporin twice daily.  For residual pain, the doctor prescribed Tylenol with Codeine, but this would be given only as needed.  I packed up our belongings and Gina escorted us downstairs for our drive home.   Bidding farewell to our familiar friend, I promised we would come back to visit and pray that it would not be under similar circumstances.

The house was filled with joy and relief as I walked through the door with Katelynn in her infant car seat.  Since then, she has been doing very well in all aspects, from her feedings to her alertness.  It definitely is great to have her back!

June 19, 2008 to June 20, 2008 – Potential shunt malfunction?

As it is the case with most parents, especially those raising children facing developmental issues, a common problem we battle is a hyper-sensitivity to every instance of abnormal behavior exhibited by our child.  There is no doubt that Jenn-Jen and I know our Adam, Katelynn and Daria best, and it can be excruciatingly difficult to be told that all appears fine when we firmly believe it is not.  The specific concern we are working through is the behavioral change Katleynn has been showing during the last four or five days.  She used to be very easy to feed, showed outward signs of alertness, and was certainly not irritable.  Nowadays, Katelynn has fairly frequent episodes of whimpering and whining in between her feedings, which in our minds is indisputable evidence that our daughter is in pain and discomfort.  Additionally, we have noticed her fontanelle has felt much fuller and firmer, and the her head circumference appears larger.  What we are seriously questioning is if we are in the early stages of malfunction in regards to Katelynn’s ventriculoperitoneal (VP) shunt, which allows excess cerebrospinal fluid to drain into her abdomen.  Some of the other symptoms of shunt malfunction are also beginning to show up regularly, such as lethargy and irritability. 

While we have consulted with our pediatrician and pediatric neurosurgeon earlier this week, we remain convinced that Katelynn needs to be re-assessed as soon as possible.  We will be calling the neurosurgeon in the morning to press for an appointment to have a head ultrasound performed so that we determine if there is a need for Katelynn’s shunt to be revised.  Additionally, we started keeping a record of our daughter’s head circumference to measure any rapid growth, which is additional evidence of pressure building up within her brain ventricles.

In this document (http://www.hydroassoc.org/docs/FactSheet_Shunt_Systems.pdf) from the Hydrocephalus Association, it cites a study that finds a shunt typically has a life of 5.5 years.  While that appears to be good news, there is also evidence that approximately forty percent of infants one year or younger require a shunt revision during the first year after implementation.  Additionally, multiple revisions are often required during the childhood years for infants undergoing treatment for hydrocephalus.  This information is very disconcerting and we are preparing ourselves for the potential re-hospitalization for Katelynn, should our suspicions of shunt malfunction be correct.

In addition to our worries, today’s agenda will be very hectic.  Katleynn and Daria are scheduled to see the ophthalmologist to have their retinopathy of prematurity (ROP) checked, and later in the afternoon, Katelynn is due to see the neurologist for her post-discharge appointment.  Considering the potential of shunt malfunction, I am leaning towards rescheduling Katleynn’s eye examination so we can focus on our immediate concerns.  Hopefully we can have Katelynn re-evaluated today.  It pains us to see her in this condition and we will not simply stand by idle while our daughter is suffering.  I will provide an update as soon as we know more.  In the meantime, we appreciate your continued prayers for healing.

June 18, 2008 – Home for a month

It is hard to believe, but we have been home with Katelynn and Daria for over one month now, and exactly five months ago, Jenn-Jen was admitted to Sutter Memorial Hospital with severe pre-term labor culminating in the birth of our twins ten days later.  Where have the days gone?

In my previous post, I wanted to make sure I provided a thorough update of the developments surrounding each of my family members:

Jenn-Jen is still extremely tired, especially now that I am back at work.  On top of the rigors of the feeding and pumping schedule that keeps her constantly in motion, our recent concerns over Katleynn (more coming up) have been adding a high level of emotional and mental stress.  Today, Jenn-Jen came to me and said that she wanted to burst out in tears, but sadly enough, felt there simply was not enough time to waste crying.  She is trying really hard to allow herself to rest when she is able and to be as relaxed as possible when she is with the girls.

Adam finished up preschool last Thursday and will be off until the summer session begins on July 1st.  He had a wonderful time at Disneyland this past Sunday and has grown even fonder of amusement park rides and anything Disney.  It was tough not to be able to spend Father’s Day with my son, but I am glad he had the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of childhood.  We are now trying our best to keep him from being bored during the next couple of weeks by getting him involved in various activities at home.  With Jenn-Jen’s help today, he made a mean batch of Rice Crispy treats with a hint of his favorite flavor, vanilla.

Katelynn has been causing us a lot of worry recently.  She has been upset, not only during feeding time, but also the precious moments in between, when it is so vital for her to get adequate rest.  Jenn-Jen and my father were able to bring Katelynn in to see our pediatrician on Monday, and he felt that her crankiness may be due to acid reflux, as well as a case of thrush (http://www.medicinenet.com/thrush/article.htm).  Thrush is actually an oral yeast infection, which is a fairly common ailment among babies.  Untreated, it can cause discomfort during feeds and progress to a fever.  So, in addition to prescribing Ranitidine (Zantac) for the acid, Dr. Nealon also wanted Katelynn to start taking the liquid form of Nystatin (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/drug-information/DR601025) to help fight off the infection.  

Additionally, Katelynn’s fontanelle on the top of her head had been feeling fuller and more protruded than usual.  This is a major cause of concern for us, because it signals that her cerebrospinal fluid may not be properly draining through her shunt to relieve pressure building up in her brain ventricles.  Normally in  case of shunt malfunction, there are other outward symptoms such as vomiting, inconsolable crying, and lethargy.  Katleynn does seem so much more tired and has been upset much more often, but we have not seen any vomiting.  Nonetheless, we brought her in to see her pediatric neurosurgeon on Tuesday just to have some peace of mind.  The doctor’s assistant felt that there really was nothing to be concerned about and the doctor himself came in towards the end of our appointment to assess Katelynn.  He also agreed that it is much too early to be concerned about a malfunction, but wanted us to bring her back in for an appointment about three or four weeks out.

Today, Jenn-Jen brought Katelynn back to see our pediatrician to see if he had any other thoughts regarding Katelynn’s frequent battles against the bottle.  To our surprise, the thrush seems to have subsided, and this is very good news.  Admittedly, Katelynn does seem to be less upset, but on the flip side, she does not have many calm, awake moments in between her feedings.  Despite our concerns, our doctor wanted to reassure us that he did not see any medical issues and wanted us to try to be more relaxed, as Katelynn can draw from our moods.  As wonderful as this sounds, it is so difficult when you have spent the first half of the feeding period trying to patiently get your baby to take the nipple.  Alas, we must continue and hope this will pass soon.

Daria, thankfully, has been a very good feeder.  She has actually been a very easy going baby, much like Adam was when he was her age.  Perhaps God knew our limits and wanted to make sure we did not go insane by giving us two challenging twins.  All joking aside, as much as I am thankful for the ease we have with Daria, I love both of the girls equally through it all.  Daria does still have some reflux issues, but the spit up appears to be less in volume, force and frequency than before.  This may be in part due to the acid reflux blocking effects of Ranitidine (Zantac).  Daria did also have a bad case of thrush, but we believe the Nystatin is doing its job to quell the infection.

It is now a few minutes shy of 4:00 AM and the girls finally are both quietly sleeping.  As I wait for Jenn-Jen to come downstairs to take over, I am also glad to know that my mother, who is sleeping in our guest room, will be joining her shortly.  I continue to pray for improvements in Katelynn and Daria’s development, Adam’s patience and understanding of this strange lifestyle we now lead, and fruitful rest when it is available for Jenn-Jen and me.  I look forward to that day when my wife and I can reflect upon how tired we were back when we brought the twins home and laugh to ourselves that it only made us stronger. 

June 16, 2008 to June 18, 2008 – My personal battle

My dear loved ones, I am beginning to believe I am becoming irritatingly repetitious.  Since I have been keeping this blog from its inception exactly five months ago to this day, I had found solace in sharing my thoughts, joys and struggles through the written word.  Back then, I had begun preparing myself for the emtional rollercoaster ride of my life and was well aware of all the peaks and valleys I would face.  Still, I must admit that I almost feel a sense of shame to be repeatedly writing about how tired and stressed I have become.  It certainly feels as though I am more often than not complaining about one thing or another, and I confess, I am growing tired of this outlook that is punctuated with negativity.

It has become clearer and clearer that my soured demeanor and decreasing level of patience is driving a wedge into many of my relationships.  The signs can be subtle, creeping up through me in the form of an unwelcomed and sarcastic remark.  Other times, my moodiness has manifested itself in the form of being short with loved ones, especially those who mean well.  Whatever it may be, none of you deserve to be on the receiving end of my irritability and I humbly ask you for your forgiveness.  Those of you that know me well enough probably can attest to my fairly even-keeled nature, so if I have come across short and ill-tempered, please understand this is far from what I would consider normal for myself.

To combat the demons of negative thoughts, impatience and frustration, I really had to take some time to myself to reset emotionally and spiritually.  Unfortunately, time is still such a scarce resource these days, so tonight, I looked for pockets of opportunity between Katelynn and Daria’s feedings to pray and find God’s guidance and comfort through His word.  I asked myself what goal am I trying to accomplish and deep within, the answer was fairly simple.  I want to renew myself and surrender my fears, doubts and frustrations to my Lord.  I want to live a life doing what is right and now worrying about how I am wronged by others.  I want to stop turning inward for answers and open up my heart to the gentle leading of my savior.  I have spent far too long accepting the fact that my spiritual life has taken a back seat to the grind of the challenges faced with my day to day responsibilities.  No longer will I allow my spiritual self to suffer from such atrophy, just as I should not allow my physical body to fall into disarray.

To help me take the first steps in regaining my foothold towards spiritual regrowth, I turned to the Bible and found these verses in Proverbs.  They speak of purpose, love, faith, and leading a blameless life; all of which are critically important as I aim to draw closer to God.  I particularly find hope in the words that children are blessed by having a parent(s) who strives to lead a blameless life.  By now, you should understand how much my family means to me, and I often wish I could only give them more.  I suppose the best way to do this is simply by following the instructions set forth through His word and living them day by day.  In addition to the scriptures, I wanted to include a quote supplied to me by an old high school friend whom I recently reunited with through Facebook.  It has provided me comfort in my times of loneliness and reassures me I never journey alone.  Thank you, Nicole.

The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.
Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?
The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.

Proverbs 20:5-7 New International Version

Each of us may be sure that if God sends us on stony paths He will provide us with strong shoes,
and He will not send us out on any journey for which He does not equip as well.

- Alexander Maclaren

Now that I have spent an inordinate amount of time keeping you abreast of my personal progress, I want to take an opportunity to write about the latest developments with the rest of my family.  Please read my next blog entry for an update.

June 13, 2008 to June 15, 2008 – Back to work in a few hours

The weekend is almost over and I will resume work in a few hours, unfortunately with an elevated level of stress.  I have been off work for the past few weeks, but it feels as if it has only been days.  We had a very busy Friday, beginning at 5:30 AM when I went upstairs to wake up Adam.  My mother and sister, Christina, were kind enough to bring Adam along on a trip down to Southern California over the weekend.  The highlight of this getaway would be a day at Disneyland on Sunday, and I was excited that Adam would get to have some fun amidst all of the stress we have been going through at home.  As thankful as we are,  Jenn-Jen and I both wished we were the ones to share this wonderful experience with our son.  Nonetheless, we are glad he will have a great and memorable weekend.

On Friday afternoon, we had a public health nurse from the County of Sacramento come out and perform an assessment on Katelynn and Daria.  This service is provided to all families of premature babies born in the county, and we went through the same experience five years ago when Adam was born.  The nurse provided us with a plethora of resources and offered her assistance as a second set of “eyes and ears” should we wish for her to accompany us to the girls’ doctor visits.  We did get an updated measurement of Katelynn and Daria’s weights and lengths, which were:  8 pounds 13 ounces and 20.5 inches, and 9 pounds 5 ounces and 20 inches, respectively.  This steady increase in weight is, once again, reassuring proof that we are headed in the right direction.

Despite the apparent good news, Katelynn’s progress towards calmer feedings has seriously backpedaled and it seems as though we are torturing her with the bottle every three hours.  Jenn-Jen and I agreed to reach out to our pediatrician and a resource that may send out a speech pathologist to help assess our struggles.  For a number of days, Katelynn was doing very well with the coordination of sucking, breathing and swallowing.  With each feed now, our poor daughter gags and gasps for air more often despite all of our efforts to help her pace.  We have even changed out the nipple to one with a slower flow, but this has resulted in a diminished intake.  Hopefully we will be able to get a professional opinion and guidance on what needs to be done to make the feedings productive and less stressful for all of us.

Daria is doing very well with her feeds, but still has problems with spitting up.  Jenn-Jen and I joke about a certain spot on our kitchen floor being the cleanest part of our house, since it gets disinfected several times a day afer Daria uses it for target practice.  Nonetheless, the feeding process is still much more calm and peaceful compared to that of her sister’s.  The recent use of Ranitidine, or Zantac, seems to have calmed down Daria’s discomfort by blocking acid reflux.  We are grateful that she is resting more comfortably and hope we will not have to keep using the medication over the longer term.

As for the rest of the weekend, we spent virtually all of our waking hours tending to the twins in our family room.  Somewhere during and in between the feedings, I was able to watch the U.S. Open golf tournament, which made me miss San Diego terribly.  Just seeing the coast line of La Jolla on my television brought back old memories of those carefree days Jenn-Jen and I spent together during our college years.  We probably put too much time into watching the ocean waves instead of studying, and life just seemed so simple compared to today.

As it is now 2:20 AM on Monday morning, I am sitting here next to Daria, who is sleeping very soundly, and Katelynn, who is doing just about everything else.  Katelynn just finished a feeding, which went very poorly, and I keep praying the next one will be better.  In an hour or two, Jenn-Jen will wake up to relieve me so I can catch a few hours of sleep.  Thankfully, my father is staying overnight, so he will be able to provide Jenn-Jen support while I tend to my work.  I am anticipating an overflowing e-mail inbox and a full day’s worth of catch-up work.  Adam will return in the late afternoon and life will become even a bit more hectic since he is done with pre-school until his summer session starts at the beginning of July.  I want to thank all of you who have offered or continue to offer your help to our family.  As much as I feel that we have worn out our welcome and taken so much of your time and resources, I appreciate your willingness to stick with us through our challenges.  I know things will get easier over time, but right now, that seems so distant…

June 8, 2008 to June 12, 2008 – Progress with a price

In seeking a reprieve from the wear and tear of parenting very premature twins, I came across a quote that helped me pause and reset my thinking:

Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves. 

- Marcelene Cox

The care of Katelynn and Daria spans around the clock, and to tell you Jenn-Jen and I are exhausted and overwhelmed would be stating the obvious.  Unfortunately, Marlene Cox has it correct that we are “often so busy with the physical rearing of children,” and sadly are “missing the glory of parenthood.”  Through the many difficult times we have faced, often during the nights that never seem to end, my wife and I have asked ourselves how we could have been so foolish to think we would be able to handle this addition to our family without losing our sanity. 

Then something always happens… Reinforcements arrive, the sun rises, and the loneliness slowly fades away as quickly as it came hours ago.  Katelynn and Daria begin to show us they truly are the wondrous miracles we had prayed for so much during the past few years of failed attempts at pregnancy.  Sometimes it is a well-timed smile from Katelynn, or the way that Daria tries to fight off a sneeze coming on.  Sometimes it is the sight of Jenn-Jen and Daria looking into each other’s eyes in a sweet moment of bonding during a feed, or the warmth of Katelynn snuggled up to my chest as we are both fading off into unconsciousness on the sofa.  Every time I see my girls resting peacefully, I remind myself one day they will grow up, just like their big brother.  Deep inside I know this period of sleeplessness and physical exhaustion will pass, but I confess it is often difficult to keep that perspective.

Daria continues to battle her reflux, but we seem to be making strides towards the goal of fewer occurrences of projectile spit up during her feeds.  Whereas we were consistently experiencing forceful vomiting every other feeding, or approximately every six hours, they have since decreased to two or three episodes per day.  As you may have been aware, we had been very concerned about the spitting up and decided to bring Daria into see our pediatrician on Tuesday.  After a thorough examination, Dr. Nealon concluded that we should not be worried about Pyloric stenosis (http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/bhealth/0,,3q4d,00.html), a condition where the pylorus muscle in the stomach is enlarged to the point where food is blocked from passing into the intestines.  To help with the continuing discomfort of acid reflux, we received a prescription for Ranitidine (http://www.medicinenet.com/ranitidine/article.htm) syrup, better known as Zantac.  As the effects of the drug build up over time, we hope to see some results to allow Daria to rest more comfortably between feeds.

In terms of our attempts to bulk up Katelynn and Daria, I am encouraged to inform you that they are both well on their way towards increasing their weights to catch up with what is expected of a full-term newborn.  During our appointment with the pediatrician, we learned that Katelynn is now at 8 pounds 8 ounces and Daria is 9 pounds 0.5 ounces.  This is promising news, especially when we see their growth plotted against a normal growth curve.  In fact, looking at the progress gives us the reassurance we need whenever we are in doubt that the stressful and frequent feedings are actually making a difference.  Dr. Nealon encouraged us that the evidence of weight increase more than compensates for the issues of reflux and difficult feeds, and asked us to reset our thinking and consider our issues as laundry problems instead.  We left the office feeling a peace of mind that we are on the right track and reminded ourselves that the inconveniences will pass.

Thank you all for your continued prayers despite my less frequent postings.  As this week is coming to an end, I continue to be concerned about the transition back to work next week.  Please keep the prayers, encouragement and e-mails coming.  We appreciate hearing from you, if only to have an ocassional sanity check or know we are not struggling alone.  I actually do read through each e-mail you send and every comment you post on the blog, but as you can imagine, I am woefully behind in my response time.  Thank you once again and I look forward to providing you with continued updates.

June 7, 2008 – Gas + reflux = stress

Nights are the toughest around here.  Jenn-Jen and I have been following a semi-structured schedule where I usually stay up during the late evening and early morning until roughly 3:00 AM before she comes down to relieve me.  I have no problems falling asleep and wake up amazingly coherent around 8:00 AM, usually to my son’s cheerful voice.  Still, from the moment Jenn-Jen goes to bed until she wakes can be a very stressful time, and likewise, it is the same for my wife when I am asleep.  There is something about the night time that makes us feel very alone, and this only magnifies our woes when all is not well with Katelynn and Daria.  Of course, when I speak of our woes, they really pale in comparison to all of the battles we have fought while the twins were still in the hospital.  At the same time, there was always a nurse’s support only footsteps away.

Jenn-Jen and I went through probably our roughest night on Tuesday, June 3rd, after bringing the girls in for their pediatric appointment.  Both Katelynn and Daria received their four-month immunizations, which for the life of me, I do not currently have the names of the medications.  Nonetheless, the pain from the three shots in their thighs extended into the afternoon and night, prompting both Jenn-Jen and I to forgo our sleep to make sure the girls were getting as much rest as possible between feeds.

The main source of our stress and frustration nowadays occurs during the feedings we give every three hours.  As mentioned in my previous post, we are unable to simultaneously feed Katelynn and Daria, and this amounts to an extraordinary amount of time dedicated to making sure enough milk is taken each interval.  This really would not be such an issue if the girls were more eager to take to the bottle or breast, but this is far from reality. 

Katelynn struggles in almost every feed and the only way to quell her is to make sure she is burped.  I would say we spend roughly half the amount of the feeding time getting that gas out of her system, so it feels as if every minute counts.  When we do get Katelynn to latch onto the nipple, she does reward us with a relatively good effort with taking in the milk. 

Daria is an entirely different and more difficult case.  She tends to feed slower and is much more gas-filled compared to her sister.  With Daria, we need to be very proactive in burping her, and even then, she has a very bad case of reflux.  Initially, we found wet burps to be common, but they have since progressed to forceful acts of vomiting that seem to be occurring consistently during every other feed.  We have tried to keep her upright and be gentle in moving her into a burping position, but it seems that this is not enough.  Even with the use of simethicone to reduce Daria’s gas, we are feeling more and more frustrated that we need to feed her away from anywhere upholstered or carpeted.  The spitting up generates an increased level of laundry as well, as burp cloths and clothing (Daria and ours) end up bearing the brunt of the projectile burps.

Even with all of our concerns regarding gas and reflux, our pediatrician is advising us to keep the course.  I suppose there is not much to be concerned with, since the twins are now steadily gaining weight.  On Tuesday, June 3rd, Katelynn weighed in at 7 pounds 13.5 ounces and Daria is a hefty 8 pounds 3 ounces.  The “light at the end of the tunnel” came as the doctor explained that we may aim to slowly transition to a four hour feeding frequency beginning in two weeks. 

With another week beginning shortly, I am praying for us to progress into a more restful pattern with the twins.  As I am off work for one more week, I am grateful to have the time to dedicate to caring for my family, but am also burdened with the thought of the trials to come upon my return to work.  Since Katelynn and Daria’s homecoming, I know the Lord has been developing within me a new level of patience and perseverance.  Through all of the stress, I do feel Him stretching me and am consciously aware that I have become more adaptable to the nonstop changes.  Still, I ask for your prayers for my entire family, as the task of raising very premature twins has been exponentially more challenging than I would have ever imagined.  I am always striving to be the best that I can be for my family, and it can be frustrating and overwhelming when things go awry, especially during the lonely nights. 

In closing this early morning, I want to share some fairly recent pictures and a scripture from Psalm 4 that reminds me of the rest that God provides:

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. 

Psalm 4:8 New International Version

 

Katelynn & Daria snoozing at home ( 05.17.08 )

Daria with our pediatrician, Dr. Nealon ( 05.20.08 )

Katelynn with our pediatrician, Dr. Nealon ( 05.20.08 )

 

Adam spending some quality time with Katelynn ( 05.24.08 )

 

The family with our dear friends, Mike and Angie ( 05.24.08 )

June 2, 2008 to June 6, 2008 – The joys and challenges of raising twin preemies

Sitting here next to a sleeping Katelynn and Daria in an exceeding rare quiet moment, I have finally found the time and energy to capture my thoughts from the past few days.  To provide you with some perspective of the “day in the life of the Owyangs,” I wanted to share a list of facts and observations you may find surprising, amusing, or even depressing:

1. Jenn-Jen and I still have not simultaneously slept in the same bed since May 17th.  Wait, I take that back.  We may have taken a short thirty minute afternoon nap together two weeks ago…
2. Now that gasoline is running approximately $4.30 a gallon locally here in Sacramento, I am pleased to say our family has probably driven no more than an average of five miles a day since Katelynn and Daria came home.  This even takes into account the girls’ three doctor’s visits since their discharge.  Al Gore would be so proud.
3. Unfortunately, as a result of the last item, I am guessing our electricity bill has increased by at least a third.  Jenn-Jen or I am awake through the night, this necessitates the usage of the lights, television, coffee maker, microwave, etc. during all hours.
4. Sleep really has become a luxury.  I would say that Jenn-Jen and I get an average of five hours of uninterrupted sleep in a twenty four hour period.  If we are lucky, one of us tries to sneak in a quick nap sometime during the day, usually when there is someone else helping out at the house.
5. We plow through a minimum of sixteen disposable diapers a day between Katelynn and Daria.  Given their relatively low “output” and risk of the dreaded “blowout,” we are trying to be frugal and use the less expensive Target brand diapers.  Each Jumbo pack contains fifty six diapers, so it is downright frightening to say that we consume one of these every 3.5 days.
6. It takes approximately forty five minutes to an hour to prepare, feed and settle down each of the twins.  This is, by far, the most challenging issue in parenting Katleynn and Daria in terms of time consumption and the testing of our threshold of frustration.  We spend up to two of every three hours of every day making sure the twins are well nourished.
7. During the hour to hour and a half between the last feeding until the next, we try to manage our time productively with other tasks such as laundry, bottle washing, self-hygiene, caring for Adam, and other chores around the house.  Jenn-Jen and I have learned to make the most out of each trip up and down the stairs by strategically placing items that need to be brought up or down right by our stairwell.  It almost does not feel right to go between floors without something in hand.
8. Next to diapers, baby wipes and water, coffee is the commodity that receives the highest level of consumption around the Owyang household.  Pounds and pounds of beans have been ground up and brewed through our trusty coffee maker in recent months, but there has been an obvious spike in the past three weeks.  My teeth are probably stained to a nice shade bordering between a smooth Kona blend and Arabian Mocha Java.  Sorry Dr. Chan (my dentist)!
9. I always wondered when our newspaper is delivered in the morning and learned that it comes usually around 3:30 AM, right before our local birds start to stir at 4:00 AM, and quite a bit before the sun slowly begins to brighten the sky around 5:00 AM.
10. I would have never imagined how gassy the girls could be.  We have learned to interpret Katelynn’s feisty battles with the bottle feeds to be a sign that she needs to expel a good belch, and Daria’s stomach emits a distinct rumbling pattern before she lets out her trademark projectile wet burp.  Although I missed it, Jenn-Jen tells me Daria’s record distance is three feet.  Since then, we have smartened up to feed near the kitchen over our tile flooring instead of the carpeted family room area.

I hope you found some of these to be entertaining, and I might have even persuaded a few of you to reconsider your birth control options.  All kidding aside, I still love being a father to all three of my children.  It certainly has been more difficult than I would have ever imagined, but I am seeing Katelynn and Daria develop each day and remind myself that they eventually do grow up.  It is hard to imagine our Adam was a baby once. 

As I try to squeeze some time in between the next round of feedings to upload some pictures, I hope you continue to follow along in our journey despite my departure from the more frequent updates to the blog.  There is definitely more news I would like to share about the progress of Katelynn and Daria, but for the sake of brevity, I will hold off until my next post.  At 1:45 AM from the comforts of my family room sofa, I bid you a good night as I go and warm up some milk for Daria’s feeding. 

May 28, 2008 to June 1, 2008 – An overdue update

Time has accelerated to a pace beyond the limits of my depleted energy level and I regret that I have not been able to provide an updated post any sooner.  There is still much to share, in terms of developments within our family and photos still stored within my camera’s memory card, but my challenge is setting aside uninterrupted time to organize it all.  This past week has been particularly difficult, as I went back to work and traveled out to Connecticut for training.  To catch up with everything that has happened since, I will provide a brief summary for each day below:

Wednesday, May 28- Katelynn and Daria turned four months old today, but their corrected age would have made them approximately two weeks and two days old.  It is strange for me to tell people my girls are four months old, but weigh about seven and a half pounds.  Nonetheless, our angels are miracles from God and we are thankful they have come so far from where they were at birth.

I had mentioned our pediatrician supplying us with samples of formula to supplement Katelynn and Daria’s feedings of breast milk.  The specific product is EnfaCare Lipil by Enfamil, and it is an iron-fortified infant formula designed specifically for the needs of premature and low birth weight babies.  By adding the formula, we are providing an additional twenty two calories per fluid ounce.  Of course, the amount we are adding is not the same as what would be used if the girls were on formula alone.  So, even though EnfaCare provides twenty two calories per fluid ounce when mixed at full strength, we are supplementing enough to provide roughly ten percent more calories than the estimated twenty calories per fluid ounce in breast milk. 

Katelynn and Daria are taking well to the formula, but we have been warned there may be some initial constipation.  This news is not exactly what I wanted to hear right before taking a multi-day business trip across the country.

Thursday, May 29 - I spent today flying out from Sacramento to New York City via San Francisco.  As it has become the norm lately, my departing flight was delayed just enough that I missed my connection in San Francisco by literally less than one or two minutes.  Fortunately, there was another New York-bound flight taking off an hour after my original connecting flight.  I finally arrived at the John F. Kennedy airport around 8:30 PM and made my way to my rental car for the forty five minute drive into Stamford, Connecticut.

For most of the day and evening, I was restless and worried about my family back home.  Jenn-Jen was dreading the reality of not having me around until Saturday morning, and I felt helpless to be so far away.  My parents would provide some much-needed assistance, especially because they planned on staying overnight at my home until my return.

Friday, May 30 – As expected, Jenn-Jen is quite tired and desperately in need of longer blocks of sleep.  The good news is that my father is now able to successfully bottle feed Katelynn and Daria without much assistance.  This will provide Jenn-Jen some relief and hopefully ease the strain back home. 

After a very good training session at headquarters, I spent most of the evening working in my hotel room to make sure all is covered before I resume taking time off for the next two weeks.  It was tough to completely focus, knowing that it was too late for me to return home today.  At least I would be taking the first flight back home to Sacramento tomorrow morning.

Katelynn and Daria are doing well overall.  Jenn-Jen needed to take Daria to the ophthalmologist for her eye examination to check on her retinas, so she left Katelynn behind with my parents.  We learned that Daria’s left eye continues to be just fine now and there is marked improvement with her right eye too.  The plan will be to have a re-check next Friday, and if all goes well, the frequency of the assessment will be pushed out for two weeks.  We thank God for this answered prayer but continue to ask Him for healing. 

Today, we owe an extra thanks to our friend, Laura, for taking the extra step in caring for Adam during my absence.  We appreciate you not only watching Adam during the day, but bringing him to your small group in the evening.  It is through generous acts of service like this that we are able to get through each day with less worry in knowing our son is being taken care of in a safe environment where he can thrive.

Saturday, May 31 – I began my morning by waking at 4:00 AM Eastern, or 1:00 AM back here in Sacramento.  Although my flight from JFK would be at 7:05 AM, I wanted to make sure I had plenty of time to make the forty five mile drive to New York, refuel my rental car, return it and get through security.  I would end up having just enough time to pick up some breakfast and eat it on the plane after taking a nap.  Normally I try not to sleep much on flights to make sure I am not affected by jet lag, but given the erratic and broken-up sleep pattern back home, I decided to take advantage and get as much rest as possible.

Of course, there was another delay, and this time it was on our approach to San Francisco.  I nervously checked my watch every two or three minutes to see if it would be possible for me to catch my connection back to Sacramento.  Things began to look very bleak as we landed on the runway, but I prayed there would be enough time for me to sprint to the next gate.  I ran like a madman between the five gates and thankfully learned my connection was delayed!

I did make it home about an hour later than expected, but as I came through my front door, I finally found that sense of peace I had been longing for since Thursday morning.  The girls seemed to be doing well, Adam was happy to see me, and Jenn-Jen looked better than when I left.  Later I would learn that Daria is not only dealing with her reflux, but is now constipated too.  Still, it was great to be home.

Life’s a voyage that’s homeward bound. – Herman Melville

Sunday, June 1 - June is upon us and the year is coming to its midpoint soon.  I find it hard to believe Katelynn and Daria have been home only two weeks and a day, but then again, with the 24/7 schedule we have, it should not be such a surprise.  As much as I wanted to resume a normal schedule, it was not possible for Jenn-Jen or me to bring Adam to church today.  I just hope this is not so much of a precursor of things to come, as I still concern myself with the adjustments Adam will need to make to spending more time at home.

My sister, Christina, came by yesterday with a new toy for us to try out.  Last Christmas, my parents surprised us with an unexpected gift, a Nintendo Wii game console.  While I enjoy video games when I have time, I wanted to make sure this would not lead to a sedentary lifestyle for our son.  Since December, we have been quite diligent in limiting game time, and it actually does help that the Wii’s interface requires much more activity on the part of the player.  So, when Christina came by with the new Wii Fit, I was intrigued by this novel concept of a fitness application and was eager to give it a try.  We spent part of the evening indulging ourselves in laughter I have not experienced in some time and had the opportunity to hold onto the Wii Fit until Christina came back to pick it up on her way back to San Francisco.  Adam is already asking if we can get one for ourselves and I am seriously giving it some thought.

Now that I am taking the next two weeks off, I hope Katleynn and Daria will continue to gain weight at a healthy pace.  I am also praying for Daria’s eyes and an end to her bothersome reflux.  Katelynn is causing us a little stress during feeding time, mainly because of the struggle she puts up before taking the bottle.  We are not sure why she fights like this, and it does not happen each time.  Still it makes the experience less than enjoyable for all of us.  Jenn-Jen and I keep telling ourselves how this is temporary and all will improve with time.  If there was only a way for us to be optimistic, especially during the long nights where one of us is up alone with the girls.

I am aiming to continue posting to the blog each day, and new pictures should be up soon.

May 27, 2008 – Seven pounds

Now that we are not having Katelynn and Daria weighed on a daily basis, we feel a little out of touch with measuring their physical growth.  Usually, either Jenn-Jen or I will pick up one of the girls and make an exclamation like “Wow, Katelynn feels a little heavier today,” or “Did you see how Daria’s legs look chubbier?”  Maybe we have been in the hospital too long, but I miss getting their weights down to the grams.

Nonetheless, we brought the twins in to see our pediatrician for a weight check and the plan was to have a few immunizations administered.  We were happy to learn that both girls have gained a decent amount of weight.  Katleynn is now at 7 pounds 1.5 ounces and Daria is 7 pounds 7 ounces.  It’s amazing they are in the range of what you would expect of a full-term newborn, but in reality, the girls are turning four months old tomorrow.

The doctor was pleased with the increase in Katleynn and Daria’s girth, but would like to see some more “catch-up weight gain.”  To accomplish this, we agreed to supplement the breast milk feedings with a small amount of Enfamil formula supplied by our physician.  This added amount will increase the calories by ten percent and may slightly thicken the consistency of the milk.  The thickening may help with a concern we have been facing with Daria.  It seems that she has been facing some increasing issues with reflux and appears to be in discomfort more often than before.  The notion of making milk a little thicker should, in our pediatrician’s opinion, make it more difficult to come back up.  We hope this will work and give our poor Daria a little bit of relief.  With this added change, we agreed to hold off on the immunizations until next week when we bring in Katelynn and Daria for another weigh in.

Katelynn is still having issues fighting us during her feeds.  Jenn-Jen and I are at a loss as to why she struggles so much when we offer her milk.  After a short battle, sometimes after a little bit of gagging, Katleynn becomes a bit lethargic and ends up taking her feed.  Most of the time, we are able to handle the difficulties with Katelynn, but it is definitely much more of a challenge during the middle of the night when usually only one of us is up with the twins.

Work started back up today, and it has been busy.  I am wary of my business travel coming up later in the week and pray that all will be manageable back home while I am gone.  Still, I am grateful to he able to take some more time off after this week. 

May 26, 2008 – Happy Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day and the last day before I head into a busy, but shortened work week.  I will be traveling to Connecticut on Thursday morning for training and will not be back until late morning on Saturday, so we are doing all we can to prepare for my absence. 

Time is still a scarce resource, and I am finding it more difficult to allocate time to blog.  Still, I want to keep up as much as possible and share this special part of our family’s lives with my children as they grow up.  If we can only get to the point where the feedings are going smoother and are more spread out.

In the past I have mentioned how it is vitally important in the values that Jenn-Jen and I hold to make sure we are being as impartial as we can when it comes to spending time with Adam.  While we have put much focus on Katelynn and Daria, Adam is still equally important to us and needs to be reminded how much we love him.  So, if it comes to a decision of taking an hour nap or taking Adam to the park for the hour, in almost all cases I will choose the latter. 

Today, I made good on that commitment and took Adam out on his bike to one of the parks only a couple of blocks away.  We spent some time exploring the playground and creatively using the equipment in ways to expand Adam’s confidence and help him overcome his developing fear of heights.  We started off using the teeter totter as a balance beam and through some encouragement, Adam began to feel more comfortable with his sense of balance.  As a father, seeing your child smile ear to ear in accomplishment is priceless.  Before long, Adam was climbing up structures in ways he had not dared to in the past and we went home feeling rejuvenated.

I know it has been a while since new pictures came up, so I wanted to share these photos of the twins with various nurses who have put their heart into the care of our angels.  Unfortunately, there are others that I did not have an opportunity to photograph, either by my forgetfulness or simply by the nurses’ shift schedule.  I hope to be able to bring Katelynn and Daria back soon so we can get them in a picture or two, as they have meant so much to us and our family.  I also wanted to throw in a couple pictures of the first bath the girls took at home. 

 

Nurse Janet with Daria ( 05.16.08 )

Nurse Christie & Nurse Janet with the twins ( 05.16.08 )

Nurse Jennifer with Katelynn ( 05.17.08 )

Bath time for Katelynn ( 05.19.08 )

Nice and Clean ( 05.19.08 )

 

 

May 25, 2008 – Daria’s right eye

Daria’s retinopathy of prematurity (ROP) remains a concern, even after today’s visit with the ophthalmologist who performed Daria’s first retinal laser surgery.  The doctor was kind enough to have us meet at his office so he could dilate Daria’s pupils and examine the retina of each eye.  Unfortunately, because this was a Sunday visit, there were no other medical staff around to help keep Daria stable as he performed his assessment.  Having gone through surgery for my retinal detachment and being close by when Daria’s last examination was done, I knew it would be very uncomfortable or even painful for my precious angel. 

The ophthalmologist begins by putting in two sets of eye drops, one to provide local anesthesia and the other to dilate the pupil.  After the drugs take effect, a spring action reverse-clamp is placed under the eyelids to keep them open.  The doctor then needs to use a very small spoon-like instrument and maneuver it into the eye socket underneath the eyelids to physical manipulate the eye to “look” in specific directions while he shines a bright, focused light from his headset through a magnifying lens.  The goal is to look through the dilated pupil and vitreous liquid in the eye to see the retina in the back of the eye and assess the condition of the abnormal blood vessel growth. 

Since I have my retina examined annually, I can tell you it is unpleasant and uncomfortable to go through this procedure.  The strength of the light shining directly at your eye can be unbearable and I imagine this is how it may feel to be interrogated by someone who has no intention on being bound by the Geneva Convention’s rulings regarding torture.  What is different, as I compare my personal experience with Daria, is that I am in constant contact with my optometrist or ophthalmologist regarding my discomfort threshold, and I can easily follow instructions to move my eye in a specific direction.  Daria has no concept of what is happening, and because of this, today’s examination created a very high level of anxiety and emotional pain, to the point where I began to shed tears as I was trying to simultaneously immobilize and comfort my wailing baby.  I am just glad Jenn-Jen was waiting in the adjacent room with Katelynn, where she was unable to see what was going on.

As for the results of the examination, I wish it was clear-cut and decisive, but the reality remains that we will need additional follow-up office visits.  The first will be on Friday, which is one of the days I will be back east in Connecticut for training.  Given it is a normal business day for the medical office, I am hoping there will be an assistant who can help with Daria’s examination so Jenn-Jen can be spared of the anguish I had to endure today.  The ophthalmologist did say Daria’s left eye is looking well, and her right has improved.  Nonetheless, he informs us the torturous blood vessels that have created the small traction detachment has not fully resolved yet, which is why we will need to bring in Daria next week and then two weeks after that.  This may be a recurring appointment for up to sixty weeks past Daria’s expected due date of May 12th, so we could be going through this procedure every few weeks.  I pray for her eye to heal, as she is now stuck between potentially losing her sight if the ROP is left untreated, or going through these agonizing examinations. 

If everything clears up with the abnormal blood vessels and the sixty weeks have passed, we will not have to worry about issues with the retina until Daria reached the age of twelve to fourteen.  At that point, there is an increased risk of retinal tear that may lead to a detachment similar to mine eleven years ago.  The good news is that since we are so keenly aware, we can catch a retinal tear early and have it repaired by outpatient laser instead of going through my experience of undergoing a painful scleral buckle operation.

If the traction detachment in Daria’s eye worsens and begins to pull at other blood vessels closer to areas closer to the center of the retina, we will need to take further action to prevent the loss of sight in her right eye.  In cases such as these, a vitrectomy (http://www.webmd.com/eye-health/vitrectomy) may be the next step.  In this surgical procedure, the vitreous gel in the eye is suctioned out, the affected part of the retina is repaired, and a silicone oil or gas is inserted back into the eye to replace the gel.  As you can imagine, this does not sound too agreeable to me.  Another potential option would be to follow a course proposed by the ophthalmologist who performed Daria’s second  retinal laser surgery in Walnut Creek and inject a small amount of the experimental drug, Avastin (http://www.gene.com/gene/products/information/oncology/avastin/vegf-angiogenesis-cancer.html), into the eye.  Avastin has an anti-angiogenesis effect, which in simple terms means the prevention of growth or formation of new blood vessels.  Avastin is used primarily as a anti-cancer drug, but there have been a significant number of promising cases where the drug has been injected into the eye of adults who are experiencing abnormal retinal angiogenesis.  The problem is there have been very few applications of Avastin with infants, and the idea of using a drug that prevents the growthof blood vessels with the developing circulatory system of a baby does not sit well with me at all.

Please keep praying with us that the retina in Daria’s right eye will continue to respond well to the last round of laser surgery so we will not have to consider other invasive or experimental options. 

May 24, 2008 – Eye examination for Daria tomorrow

Spending the night downstairs with the girls has now become quite the routine for me.  With our good friends, Mike and Angie, sleeping in our guest room nearby, I have a peace in knowing our home is being put to good use.  Our guests woke up fairly early and I enjoyed sharing their company in the morning while taking care of Katelynn and Daria.  Adam and Jenn-Jen awoke not much later and we enjoyed a wonderful country breakfast of homemade biscuits with a sausage gravy and scrambled eggs with green onions prepared by our special guests.  I whipped up a very quick fruit salad of pink lady apples, navel oranges, bananas and seedless watermelon, which ended up being a big hit with Adam.

After breakfast, we enjoyed having our friends spend time with our children before they needed to head out and visit with others on their whirlwind schedule.  My father arrived with food for lunch, which was far from our minds, since our stomachs were full and satisfied with our hearty breakfasts.  As Jenn-Jen and I walked Mike and Angie out to their car, we prayed together and promised we would continue to see each other soon.  Heading back into the house, I began to feel the fatigue of being up since the very early morning.  Jenn-Jen and I were able to take a needed nap as my mom and sister Christina arrived once again to offer their assistance.  Since the girls’ weights are still a concern, Jenn-Jen slipped out of bed shortly to tend to the feedings.

Despite our worry about how much milk the twins are taking in, Katelynn and Daria are continuing on their upward trend in their feedings and we have now increased the volume to 100 milliliters every three hours.  Jenn-Jen and I are very curious to find out where the girls stand in their weights on Tuesday when we bring them back in to the pediatrician’s office.  I am seeing an increase in energy level, particularly with Katelynn, and this is a comfort to see.  Daria is taking her feedings well, but seems to enjoy drifting off into sleep as soon as she finishes each meal.

Tomorrow will be a busy day, as the ophthalmologist that has been seeing our girls wants to dilate Daria’s pupils and check the condition of her retinas.  We continue to hope and pray the results of the last round of laser surgery continue to hold up and no further treatment is necessary.  With Daria’s eyesight at jeopardy, there is no room for us to lose focus of her eye examinations.  Katleynn’s eyes, on the other hand, has stabilized and will need to be checked in roughly one month’s time.

Before we go to the doctor’s office, I wanted to take Adam to church to keep him on a more or less “normal” schedule.  Additionally, one of Adam’s friends who recently moved away to Boise, Idaho will be there this weekend.  I will make sure I dose up on caffeine so I do not fade off during the peace of the sermon or prayer time.  Falling asleep during church is something I would rather not see happen, no matter what my sleep schedule may be.

Before the end of the weekend, I should have more pictures posted up on the blog.  With my family’s increased assistance around the house, I hope to be able to find a few minutes during the day to sort through the recent photos we have captured.

May 23, 2008 – Reinforcements

Our weather here in Sacramento sure has been odd as of late.  A few days ago, we had been experiencing unusually hot weather, with a few instances of triple digit heat.  Then, we went through wind gusts nearing thirty five miles per hour during the last two outright blustery days.  Today has been marked with another change, and the sky became overcast with temperatures cooling down into the seventies.  As I sit here in the quiet early morning, I was surprised to hear raindrops falling on my patio cover for a brief couple of minutes.  

Just thinking about the weather makes me realize how change passes us by as quickly as it arrives.  Everyday since Katelynn and Daria arrived home has been filled with change, and as their parents, Jenn-Jen and I are in constant adaptation to our life as a family of five.  Today we continue to work on making sure our girls are getting enough calories to pack on the ounces, and we have added an new weapon to our arsenal against the forces that fight us in this effort.  Through our pediatrician’s suggestion, I ran out to our local WalMart to pick up some Simethicone 20 mg (http://www.medicinenet.com/simethicone/article.htm), which is an anti-gas medication.  It basically acts by allowing smaller gas bubbles to join up and create larger ones which are easier to pass by burping or passing gas.  We decided to add Simethicone to Katelynn and Daria’s bottles to help them rest a little better.  Since they came home, we have noticed an increase in gas, particularly with Daria that has shown up in the spitting up of milk and the occasional symphony of baby farts.  Now that we have added the medication, we have seen improvement with the girls, which trickles down into one less thing to concern us parents. 

Having Katelynn and Daria home now for nearly a week has been wonderful and draining all at the same time.  In our perpetually tired state, we found much comfort and relief when the reinforcements, namely members of my family, arrived to offer support around the house.  As I have mentioned in a previous post, the twins’ feeding schedule keeps us moving in a repeating pattern of making sure the girls are nourished, leaving little time for anything else.  When my parents and sister, Christina, showed up with extra hands and a willingness to help, Jenn-Jen and I were able to find some rest.  This kind of support is priceless at times like these, when we are stretched thin and lacking sleep.  Thanks Mom, Dad and Christina for all of your help.

Additional support came in the evening, as our dear friends, Mike and Angie, arrived from out of state to spend a night with us.  They had come into town for the wedding of our lead pastor’s eldest daughter and will stay with us through late Saturday morning.  We have missed them and their family dearly since they moved back in December, so it was a huge blessing to have them come and visit, even if it would be for a short time. 

Closing out tonight’s post, I would ask you for some prayer specifically for Jenn-Jen and me.  I am going back to a short work week on Tuesday and will be flying out to company headquarters in Connecticut for training on Thursday morning.  Unfortunately, I will not be back home until late Saturday morning, and during this time, Jenn-Jen will be without my physical support.  My mom will be staying over to help out in my absence, but I have no doubts it will be a rough few days for Jenn-Jen.  If you would simply keep our family in prayer for this upcoming week, we would appreciate it very much.  I will resume my time off from work beginning in June, so I am grateful for the additional opportunity to focus on my family.  Thank you again for all of your prayers, encouragement and support!

 

May 22, 2008 – Happy Anniversary!

Nine years ago this day, Jenn-Jen and I made our wedding vows on a warm Saturday afternoon in May here in Sacramento.  If you asked either of us back then what where we expect our lives to be on our ninth year wedding anniversary, I can assure you neither of us would have imagined we would be where we are today.  During a brief conversation with my wife today, both of us chuckled at how close we were to have been on a cruise or some other relaxing vacation had we not been blessed with Katelynn and Daria’s arrival.  A couple years after Adam’s birth, Jenn-Jen and I had been trying to conceive to no avail.  After an unfortunate, but very early miscarriage, we consulted Jenn-Jen’s obstetrician and made the decision to try the fertility drug, Clomid (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/medmaster/a682704.html) as a last resort to have a second child.  Jenn-Jen actually took the drug for several months without the result we had prayed for and after some deep thought and discussion, we agreed we would only try one more round before we stop altogether.  At that point, we had come an agreement that if Jenn-Jen were not to become pregnant, we would be at peace with God’s will that we have Adam as our only child.  We already felt blessed as parents, but I longed to have a sibling for my son.  Little did we know the Lord would bless us with a bonus.

As close as we came to not being where we are today with our family tree, we are extremely grateful for the joy God has provided through Adam, Katelynn and Daria.  There will come a time again when we can take that vacation or even celebrate our anniversary like we used to, but as I mentioned previously, I would not have things any other way.  I joked with Jenn-Jen and told her how I am not a very good husband on our anniversary, but I come bearing a gift that is worth its weight in gold:  sleep.  So, as my wife is hopefully sleeping soundly upstairs, at least until she is awakened by the need to pump, I gladly keep watch over the other girls in my life down here in our family room.  I also cooked breakfast, if that adds an extra deposit to the Bank of Good Husbands. All kidding aside, both of us know how our lives have been turned around to the point where special days such as anniversaries must be put on the back burner until everything settles down.  As for my present, I found it this afternoon watching my wife smiling while she was on the ground with my girls playing during “tummy time.”  It does not get any better than that.

With the girls, it is a relief to see them taking in more milk during their feeds.  We are still anxious to see if they are gaining weight and we are still tired with our very busy schedule.  Each feeding can take between thirty to sixty minutes, and we usually have a buffer of forty to forty five minutes between Katelynn and Daria.  Adding in the time to change diapers, warm the milk, clean and prepare another batch of bottles, it feels as if we are spending every waking moment making sure the twins are fed.  Jenn-Jen also has the extra burden of pumping, at least until we are able to get the girls to take from the breast.  The roughest part for both Jenn-Jen and me at night, when only one of us is up taking care of Katelynn and Daria.  If the feedings go well, as they have been the last day, then all is fine.  The trouble comes when it takes more than forty five minutes to get Katelynn and Daria to take the minimum of 60 milliliters per feed and one or both of the girls is fussing.  Despite this, each time I look at my girls, I smile and thank God we have both of them.

 

May 21, 2008 – Focus on feedings

The nights have been a little difficult, but the days rewarding.  With Katelynn’s recent weight loss fresh on my mind, Jenn-Jen and I feel a tremendous amount of burden to focus on the feedings for both of the twins.  For full term infants, this is not so much of an issue, as most babies are not shy about letting the whole neighborhood know when they need to eat.  Preemies, especially very early ones like ours, are entirely different and require much more vigilance on the part of the parent(s) to ensure they are receiving proper nutrition.  Back in the hospital, the girls actually had a human breast milk fortifier added to their bottles to provide additional calories needed for normal development.  As we approached the discharge date, the fortifier was discontinued and the volume of the feeds were increased to compensate. 

Additionally, at the hospital, we had the benefit of Katelynn and Daria being weighed on a daily basis.  Now that we are at home, this is not so much of an option unless we decide to go out and purchase a baby scale.  Our pediatrician strongly recommends against this and wants us to allow him to worry about the girls’ weights.  For some reason, I did not note Katelynn and Daria’s weights on May 17th when they were discharged, but if we compare the weights on May 16th to yesterday’s measurement at the doctor’s office, you may see why I am concerned.  Katelynn came in at 6 pounds 10.5 ounces, while Daria was 6 pounds 12.6 ounces, the day before they came home.  Yesterday, they measured 6 pounds 8.5 ounces and 6 pounds 14.5 ounces, respectively.  Our doctor tells us that a normal infant should be gaining between two to three ounces daily.

The two ounce loss for Katelynn may not have been so alarming if Jenn-Jen and I did not have a conversation with Tracy, one of our nurses back at the hospital, about the importance of the girls’ nutrition.  Apparently, premature babies have a higher drive for sleep than for food, so it is very important to not let them sleep as much as they want without a feed.  Given a choice, our girls may choose to sleep half a day or longer and their hunger would not upset them enough to provide us with a cue.  If this is left unchecked, a condition called “failure to thrive” (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000991.htm) can occur, where a baby can become underdeveloped in terms of weight, height and head circumference.  This will often manifest in additional developmental delays with physical, mental and social skills, as well as possible delay in adolescence.  Needless to say, failure to thrive or FTT, scares the daylights out of me when coupled with the intraventricular hemorrhages (IVH) that have affected both Katleynn and Daria.  Anytime the words “development” and “delay” are used in the same sentence, you can guarantee it will provoke in me an uncomfortable level of anxiety.

To combat FTT, Jenn-Jen and I agreed to switch the girls back to a three hour feeding schedule so they are more successful in taking the full, but decreased volume of their feedings over shorter periods of time.  The hospital had tried to move to a four hour schedule for the benefit of giving Jenn-Jen and me more time in between, but to us, the inconvenience by far outweighs the potential consequence of allowing our daughters to face issues with their development. 

Transitioning back to the three hour schedule has been a little rocky, as the girls initially seemed tired and disinterested in feeding.  This feels exponentially magnified with it is three or four in the morning and I am sitting alone, trying to give one drowsy or combative daughter her bottle, all the while watching the clock to make sure I am not late in starting the feed with the other.  Having gone through this scenario last night, I can tell you that I have not felt so frustrated and alone since the girls came home.  The good news is the girls did eventually adjust to the new schedule, and are actually taking close the the increased volume we had provided over the course of four hours.  What this tells me is the lethargy and fussiness during the night may actually have been associated with a lack of sufficient calories.  Since then, we have been doing much better and pray that the trend will continue.

Other than this major concern, Jenn-Jen and I are still trying to work through a decreased and periodic sleep pattern.  As I may have mentioned previously, one of us is always downstairs with the girls twenty four hours a day, so my wife and I have not slept in the same bed since we woke up four days ago to bring Katleynn and Daria home.  I really do not know how long we will stick with this process, but we also know that keeping the girls outside of our bedroom allows one of us uninterrupted sleep.  I have the gift of sleeping through most anything, but the girls’ periodic noises would most certainly disrupt Jenn-Jen from resting at all.  I would love to hear any ideas you have on how you have addressed this issue.

Thank you again for keeping up with us through this new chapter of our family’s adventure in parenting twins.  We are still learning so much and working on becoming even more flexible and adaptable, and I can honestly tell you, despite how tiring this may seem, I love my family exactly the way they are.  I would not have it any other way…

May 20, 2008 – Visiting the pediatrician

Back when Adam was born, a friend of mine shared that raising children was twice as hard as he expected, but also ten times as rewarding.  Fast forward almost five and a half years and I can tell you how true those words are.  Since we have twins, is it safe to say it will be four times as difficult with a twenty-fold return?  Time will tell, but I can share that Jenn-Jen and I are feeling quite worn out, but both of us also feel the adjustments involved in bringing Katelynn and Daria home have not been as stressful as anticipated.  Perhaps we have applied our lessons learned and bits of wisdom from our first go around as parents, or it may be that these past few months have thickened our skins.  Whatever the reason may be, I do believe God has held faithful to his promise of not giving us anything we cannot handle:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 New International Version

Today brought a full agenda beginning at 5:00 AM when Jenn-Jen came up to get some sleep.  After clearing the cobwebs in my brain, I enjoyed the quiet morning feeding my twins and enjoying my coffee as I watched the sky slowly brighten with the sunrise.  It would not be long before I began to hear our resident cliff swallows chirp and tweet, undoubtedly in preparation for their own busy day of hunting for insects and nesting high up above our entrance.

As the morning feedings were timed fairly well, I had an opportunity to have breakfast with Adam before he would be picked up for preschool.  Normally, Adam would spend the afternoon at a friend’s house after school, but today he asked if he could come home instead.  I am actually very happy to hear my son request this, since I have been concerned about transitioning him back to a “normal” life where he will not be filling each weekday with a play date. 

It would turn out that we would still have an abbreviated time of play for Adam today.  When our good friend, who happens to be the mother of Adam’s best friend, came over to bring Adam to school, I invited her to come back and spend a little time visiting with the twins.  She agreed and we spent the rest of the morning with her good company.  Having her over was a great reminder that, contrary to what life has been like recently, the world does continue to revolve outside the cofines of our home. 

With our friend over to lend an extra set of hands tending to Katelynn and Daria, I volunteered to pick up Adam and his friend from school.  We would end up having lunch at home while the boys played together while the ladies talked.  Life almost began to feel normal again, if only for that short amoung of time.  There is really nothing like having good friends around to keep the spirits up.

Our afternoon would be very hectic, so I asked my parents to come over to help watch Adam while Jenn-Jen and I took the girls to their first pediatrician appointment.  We have been extremely pleased with our doctor since friends referred him to us shortly after Adam’s birth.  Now that his office is only a couple of miles from our home, I really could not ask for a better arrangement.  Feeding time would fall during the appointment, so we arrived at the office, prepared with bottles for any opportunity we could get to offer milk to the girls.  What we did not prepare for was a way to warm up the milk, so after some asking, Jenn-Jen was able to find a very helpful laboratory technician who was willing to offer her assistance.  I almost fell out of my chair when Jenn-Jen came back with the bottles sitting in a hot water bath where the container was one of those over the toilet receptacles used to measure the volume of urine passed!  Of course, this was unused and completely clean, but the sight of our bottles bobbing in this most unusual container would probably cause onlookers to question our parenting ability.  I wish I had taken a picture to share, but then again, you may start to have doubts about us.

Everything with the girls checked out well overall, but Katelynn, unfortunately, has lost a little bit of weight.  While this is a big concern to Jenn-Jen and me, our pediatrician offered us a couple of options to change the trend.  We decided to increase the frequency of the feeds to every three hours instead of four, with the hopes that the slightly decreased volume given more often will allow Katelynn and Daria to actually finish their feeds.  Up until today, in almost every feeding, there would be breast milk left over.  Added together on a daily basis, this amounted to an amount we could not ignore.  Feeding the girls every three hours would equate to an increased drain on our already limited time, but we will also not allow the girls’ weights to suffer.  The plan would be to bring Katleynn and Daria back into the doctor’s office next week to do a weight check and get their next set of immunizations. 

After the visit to the pediatrician, we zipped back home for dinner with my parents and Adam.  I would need to leave shortly and bring Adam to Awards Night for participating in Awana (www.awana.org) this year.  Awana meets at a local church only a few miles away, so we were able to go and be back in less than an hour.  Adam has had a wonderful experience this year and I am sure he will miss Awana during the summer break.

Now that I am officially behind in posting on my blog, I still remember thinking to myself last week how I should have extra time to do things I wanted to get done when the girls are home.  Somehow I convinced myself the time spent commuting to and staying at the hospital would be reallocated to things like keeping the house in order, additional time to sleep, or time spent with Adam.  Maybe that will come in due time, but right now, I feel busier than ever. 

May 19, 2008 – Sixteen weeks

Mondays are always special days for me, since Katelynn and Daria were born on a Monday sixteen weeks ago.  It truly seems as if it were only yesterday when the girls’ neonatologist sat us down and said if we can get to the two-week mark, the chances of survival increase significantly.  Back then, we made our thoughts and actions on a moment by moment basis, never knowing what new surprise would be around the corner.  Now, with the girls home, it is really sinking in that we no longer have to feel that way, and it is wonderful.

Now that we are under one roof, our lives are much more centralized, but it is still an adjustment to adapt to Katleynn and Daria’s feeding schedule.  We are currently trying to feed them every four hours, but the results are mixed.  On occasion, the girls will quickly finish the 90 milliliters within a thrity minute time frame, but it is more common for us to need to push Katelynn and Daria to take as much as they can.  This will be an issue we are looking to bring up with the pediatrician, whom we have scheduled an appointment tomorrow afternoon.

In the meantime, I am working at adjusting to our new sleeping (or lack thereof) schedule.  Since the twins are feeding every four hours, and each meal is taking roughly thirty to forty minutes per baby, I feel as though we are always warming up or serving breast milk.  Jenn-Jen and I have decided to keep the girls in a crib downstairs for the time being, and one of us will always be nearby to tend to the diaper changes, feedings and play/cuddle time.  In terms of the nights, one of us stays up with Katleynn and Daria, usually through an early morning feeding while the other sleeps.  Sometime between two and five in the morning, we switch off to make sure we are getting sleep, even if it is in smaller blocks of time.  I am not sure if this is the best way for us to function in the longer term, but it has been our mode of operation since the girls came home on Saturday.  As much as we would like to keep Katelynn and Daria in their crib upstairs in our bedroom, the girls make far too many noises to allow either of us restful sleep. 

Today’s big event was Katelynn and Daria’s first bath at home.  From our experiences in the NICU, we knew both of our babies have an affinity to water.  I am glad we have been through the bathing experience with Adam when he came home from the hospital as a preemie, so the process today was not as traumatic as it could have been.  In a quick and efficient joint effort, Jenn-Jen and I we were able to wash up Katelynn and Daria and get a sense of satisfaction in the results of the cleaning. 

Life at home sure has been different and I am hoping to be able to adjust better to the rigors of raising twins.  In the meantime, I could use a few hours of sleep right about now…

 

May 18, 2008 – The changes we have been through

Since we arrived home almost thirty six hours ago at 2:30 PM yesterday afternoon, our family has not stepped out of the house.  What feels the best is knowing all the driving to and from the hospital is over.  Hallelujah, as gasoline prices in Sacramento are averaging $3.97 a gallon today!  Besides avoiding the increasingly expensive cost of driving, we have sequestered ourselves at home to keep out of the unusually hot weather we have been experiencing over the last couple of days.  Today’s temperature ranged from a high of 99 degrees to a low of 64, as compared to January 28th, the day Katelynn and Daria’s were born, when it was a fairly chilly high of 51 and low of 37.  Not only has the season changed dramatically, but the girls have gone through such an amazing change.

I still remember writing about how it is best to let butterflies struggle through their metamorphisis as they emerge from their pupae (http://owyang.wordpress.com/2008/02/09/february-8-2008-butterflies/).  As I sit here watching Katelynn and Daria stretch and use their little voices, I cannot help but smile and think about how God has given my babies a breath of life, even if it seemed so harsh and exhausting while we were toiling through those early days.  Tonight they sleep here next to me, no longer attached to any breathing or feeding tubes, IV lines, or vital sign monitors.  In their struggle to emerge as the beautiful butterflies they are, I am so proud of them for fighting so hard to beat the odds and be free of these “chains” that have kept them attached to one machine after another.  My dear loved ones, the reality is setting in and, more than ever, I feel we have secured a major victory.  While I will not be so naive to believe all will be well and smooth going forward, I am rejoicing and celebrating quietly here next to my angels, who seem to be in a perpetual stretching mode. 

In last night’s post, I forgot to mention how we had a brief dramatic moment here at the Owyang home.  All appeared well until the evening when I decided to go upstairs for a few things.  I noticed the air coming out of our vents seemed warmer than usual and checked our thermostat.  Despite having our air conditioning turned on, the upstairs temperature was reading at 83 degrees.  I ran back downstairs to find the air conditioning unit outside trying to power up the fan unit to no avail, and a foreboding sense of worry began to envelope me.  I had mentioned our recent hot weather and yesterday’s temperatures topped out at 102 degrees, a new record.  Thankfully, the air conditioning ceased to function in the early evening, after the blazing sun had already set.

In my worried state, which was beginning to transform into a mild panic, I began thinking about calling a HVAC technician and could not help but wonder how expensive it would cost to have a repair done on a Saturday night.  Here is where Jenn-Jen’s sensible nature comes in, as she says to me “Why don’t you call your father, since he owns a restaurant and probably would have somebody he uses regularly.”  Now why did that thought not come across my mind?  I think God uses moments like these to remind me I married the right woman. 

After a few rounds of back and forth phone calls with my father, I was relieved to learn his primary HVAC technician would be coming out to repair our system in a couple of hours.  I was already preparing to leave our windows open and turn on every ceiling and portable fan we had available, but the news took me by surprise.  The technician arrived at 11:30 PM, and quickly diagnosed the problem as a blown capacitor that is connected to the fan and compressor unit.  In a couple of minutes, he replaced the damaged part with one that would be a temporary fix until he brings in the specific one for the system.  I was a little concerned if this part would blow out before the follow-up visit, but was assured it would actually last months, if not a year.  The technician left and informed me he would be back as early as Monday to finish his installation.  I am happy to say there have been no cooling issues since the repair was made.

 Ah, the air conditioning just turned on… music to my ears.  Well, Katelynn and Daria are beginning to stir and  it is coming up on feeding time again, so I would like to close with a few recent pictures. 

Adam at the McKinley Park playground ( 05.11.08 )

Katelynn (left) and Daria (right) two days before discharge ( 05.15.08 )

The twins trying to hold hands ( 05.15.08 )

Adam, Katelynn and me the day before discharge ( 05.16.08 )

The girls dressed up to finally go home ( 05.17.08 )

Our family photo in Room C ( 05.17.08 )

Adam watching over his sisters in their infant car seats ( 05.17.08 )

Goodbye Special Care Nursery, we will miss you! ( 05.17.08 )

Daria (left) and Katelynn (right) settle in at home ( 05.17.08 )

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 17, 2008 – We are home at last

Dear friends, family and love ones, it brings such joy to my heart to inform you we are home at last.  As I am sitting here in my family room, merely a couple feet away from Katelynn and Daria, a peace I have longed to feel for so long fills my spirit.  Tonight my family rests together under the roof of our home, one hundred ten days after the very premature births of Katelynn and Daria.  There have been many times when Jenn-Jen and I wondered when we would ever bring our girls home, but now we wonder no more.  There will also be no more multiple trips to the hospital each day, which ultimately amounts to significant savings in time and gasoline consumption.

As it was the case yesterday, we found ourselves with too much to do in too little time.  Throughout the morning, we hurried from one area of the house to another in a near futile attempt to clean, sort and organize as much as we humanly could.  You would think that we would have our system in place, given how we are not first time parents, but as Jenn-Jen would say, things always take longer than planned.  So, with our house cleaning, instead of setting the bar at an unattainable height, we settled for mediocrity and called it “good enough” when we left to pick up Adam from Chinese school at 11:20 AM.

The discharge process was a combination of packing up all of our girls’ belongings and going over the multitude of medical appointments to come.  It may be the case that we no longer need to drive to the hospital, but Katelynn and Daria will require a considerable amount of follow-up.  For Katelynn, we will have appointments with the ophthalmologist, neurologist, pediatric neurosurgeon, and physical therapist, on top of our normal pediatrician visit.  Daria will require a similar set of assessments, but will not need to see the neurologist or pediatric neurosurgeon. 

As we wrapped up the discharge, we were very happy to see a couple of our favorite nurses.  After taking a few pictures and videos, we were ready to offer our hugs of gratitude and say our goodbyes.  A number of my family would wait for our return at our house, which always makes a homecoming warmer and special.  We have been warned not to take Katelynn and Daria to congested places, such as the mall or church, for the next three to four months.  This makes it difficult for us to plan the party we had hoped to throw for the girls, but we still intend to have our gathering to celebrate our precious Katelynn and Daria.

While we will miss the dear friends we have made at Sutter Memorial Hospital, we look forward with high hopes towards this new chapter for the Owyang family.  I thank you for staying with us through our journey.  Whether by sheer coincidence or divine plan, I thought you may be interested in knowing that as of this morning, our blog surpassed ten thousand page visits since I started my posts in late January.  I find this amazing, considering the fact I originally planned to share the blog with only a handful of close family and friends.  It is incredible how God always takes the smallest plans and finds a way to magnify them for His glory.  My goal is to continue updating my blog regularly and will have more pictures up before the weekend is over.  So at 2:34 AM, I wish all of you a goodnight from the comfort of my family room.

May 16, 2008 – Preparing for discharge

There seems to be so much left to do to prepare for Katelynn and Daria’s discharge tomorrow.  I wish I could say the house is immaculate and pristine.  If houses only cleaned themselves…  Nonetheless, we are trying to strike a balance between our preparation and getting what will probably be the most sleep we will enjoy for some time.  It truly seems unreal that the girls are going to be home tomorrow.

Throughout the morning and early afternoon, Jenn-Jen, Adam and I spent time together at home.  I had promised Adam I would help him with a craft he found in book given to him by his Aunt Janet, so the two of us worked together drawing, cutting and pasting together various pieces of construction paper.  The end result was a pirate’s hat and eye patch which came out better than I expected, since crafts, by far, are not my forte.  Adam has been in a pirate theme for some time, so these new additions will go along nicely with the cardboard and aluminum foil swashbuckler’s sword I pieced together for him a few weeks back. 

During the afternoon, we met up with my mother, sister Janet, and my nephew at the hospital so they could spend some time with the girls.  Adam would leave with them to give Jenn-Jen and me the evening to enjoy some time alone.  While we were in the NICU, we learned that the ophthalmologist would be coming by in the evening to perform eye examinations on both Katelynn and Daria.  We are still anxious about Daria’s eyes, since there has only been one assessment since her last round of laser surgery.  As the examination was moved up to this evening, it will clear the last hurdle keeping the girls at the hospital.

After enjoying a nice dinner out, Jenn-Jen and I ran to our local Target store to pick up a couple of things for tomorrow and headed straight back to the hospital.  We knew a couple of the girls’ primary nurses were working tonight, so we wanted to see them and bid our farewells.  Some of the nurses we have grown so fond of have been with us since the early days after Katelynn and Daria’s birth, and in our hearts, they are almost like family.  It is so strange to say this, but I already miss these wonderful people who have faithfully been at our Katelynn and Daria’s bedside.

We happened to arrive as the eye examinations were about to take place, so I learned that Daria’s right retina still has a minor temporal traction detachment.  Hearing this news alarmed me, but the doctor took me through a visual explanation of the differences between this type of detachment versus the one I had over a decade ago.  Apparently, Daria’s condition will not threaten her vision if it continues to stabilize, so we will need a follow-up examination in roughly one week.  The type of detachment I went through was, by far, much more unstable and required immediate action.  Katelynn’s retinopathy of prematurity is confirmed as resolved, just as we expected from the results of the last assessment.

Tomorrow is near and we are excited as ever. 

May 15, 2008 – One room, two purposes

Last night was broken up and relatively sleepless, just as we expected.  The whole dynamic of raising twins really adds an extra layer of complexity to simple goals, such as getting decent sleep.  Jenn-Jen went through most of the night sleeping only when both Katelynn and Daria were sleeping, and I took over the feedings early in the morning.  The girls have been feeding on a higher volume, lower frequency schedule, where Katelynn is taking eighty milliliters of breast milk over a four hour period.  Daria’s schedule has been adjusted so she takes her ninety milliliters over a similar four hour period, and we are working to time the feedings together.  This push to the new schedule is intended to make life more manageable for us, as Jenn-Jen is still pumping, but it is also putting quite a bit of strain on the twins while their stomachs are slowly expanding to accommodate the extra milk.

Having hospital food delivered to our room brought back old memories almost four months ago, when Jenn-Jen was staying over at 2-Center, the high-risk maternity unit under strict bed rest.  I reminisce on those days when Adam and I would come and visit Jenn-Jen daily, often bringing snacks, games to play and various drawings and crafts to lift up my wife’s spirits.  While those days are long gone, our overnight experience at the hospital almost makes me feel as if we have traveled back to January.  The difference is now we have Katelynn and Daria with us and I thank the Lord I can proclaim we are bringing both of our twins home.

As much as we celebrate this victory, our stay at the hospital ended this afternoon with a sobering jolt of reality.  Originally, we were scheduled to have the Self Care Room until 2:30 PM, but the calendar indicated the room would be vacant until 8:30 AM the next morning.  Our nurse was kind enough to allow us to take as much time as we needed to gather up our belongings and prepare Katelynn and Daria to move back to Room C in the NICU, where they would spend the rest of their stay before discharge on Saturday.  At approximately 3:00 PM, a nurse and social worker came to the door and asked if we would be able to allow them use of the room.  Unfortunately, there was a baby in the NICU that was dying and the staff hoped the family would be able to use the room to say their goodbyes and grieve the inevitable loss of their child.  We were already packed up, so we wanted to give this poor family their privacy as soon as possible.

During Katelynn and Daria’s brief transport back to Room C, many of the nurses were smiling and showing their support for the marathon we have been running since January 28th.  Most knew we were on our final days at the hospital and offered encouraging words and made us promise to visit.  Inside, my normal sense of joy and excitement was overshadowed by a feeling of sadness and guilt.  Merely a few minutes ago, we occupied the Self Care Room, rejoicing with the knowlege the finish line is in sight.  Once we stepped out of the room, I knew the room would soon be filled with the loss and sorrow we prayed we would not have to personally face.  The harsh reality of the NICU is painfully ironic.  How can it be that one room can have two opposing purposes in such a short span of time?  This very same room where we spent our private time in celebration of the gift of Katelynn and Daria’s lives would now be transformed into a place of death and mourning.

I quietly prayed to God to receive the soul of the dying baby and give the parents the peace and comfort only He can provide.  In the course of the last two weeks, I have learned of the passing of two babies, and my heart breaks for these families.  When Jenn-Jen had a moment to share our thoughts this afternoon, we felt so grateful to have our children.  We could have easily faced the loss of one or both of our girls several times through the past four months.  While we certainly do not know the plans of God, we offer Him our thanksgiving for trusting Adam, Katelynn and Daria to our care during this short time we are here in this world. 

Please watch for more photos within the next day as we prepare to bring home the girls.  In closing, I would like to share a song that has been uplifting and inspring during my recent prayer time with the Lord: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt0WluTpFTg).

My Savior My God – by Aaron Shust

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For Him to be my Savior

 

 

 

May 14, 2008 – Spending the night with Katelynn and Daria

As we are approaching what I would safely assume is the end of Katelynn and Daria’s long and arduous stay at Sutter Memorial Hospital, my heart is beginning to feel the aches and pains normally associated with saying goodbye to loved ones.  Jenn-Jen and I never went through this the first time around, when Adam spent the first three weeks of his life in the very same room in the Special Care Nursery.  I suppose we never fully understood how short-lived Adam’s stay would be and, being the new parents we were back then, we probably spent all of our energy focusing on Adam and neglected to build meaningful relationships with the medical staff that had been so involved in our son’s first weeks of life.  This time around, we have become so entrenched in the NICU, it almost feels like a second home whenever we visit.  One of the nurses I spoke with this evening tells me that Katelynn and Daria may currently be the longest-term patients in the unit.  I never imagined we would hold that distinction, even if it will only be for a few days.

I cannot help but look back at all of the special people in the NICU who have poured their energy into preparing our Katelynn and Daria for the day they can leave the hospital and enter into a new chapter of their lives.  All of these caring souls have played their special part in healing our girls and we owe them our gratitude beyond measure.  Working in such an environment requires a certain level of emotional fortitude, blended with exceptional compassion and a heart to serve.  Through the nearly four months we have been through this journey, we certainly have grown attached to many of these individuals whom I am proud to call my friends.  We will miss them dearly, even though we promise to bring in the girls from time to time to say hello.

After arriving at the hospital in the afternoon to “check in” with the twins’ nurse, we were on our way over to the Self Care Room.  This room is adjacent to our NICU and is often used for parents like us, who are spending some precious time bunking in with their baby or babies in preparation for the day they can bid farewell to the hospital.  Our accomodations were modest, but met our needs for the long night ahead.  I enjoyed the privacy and relative silence of the room, and found it strange not to hear monitor alarms or the sounds of other babies crying. 

Katelynn and Daria seem to be adapting well to the new environment.  With the nurse coming in only every three to four hours to check in with us, Jenn-Jen and I are not expecting to get much sleep tonight.  We are thankful Adam is with my parents, for the sake of keeping him from being overcome with boredom or a bad case of cabin fever.  Since we have the room all to ourselves until 2:30 PM tomorrow afternoon, we look forward to giving our angels our undivided love and attention.

I will be back with an update on how everything went with the rooming in and hope to be able to post a few more pictures before Saturday sneaks up on us.  For now, I wish you a good night from the Self Care Room.

May 13, 2008 – Coming home on Saturday

We received word this afternoon that the ophthalmologist will be checking up on Daria’s most recent retina laser surgery on Saturday, which effectively delays the twins’ homecoming one day.  After three and a half months, one extra day really does not amount to enough to bother us.  We are thankful the hospital is allowing Katelynn to be discharged with Daria instead of sending them home separately. 

Adam is getting very excited about having his sisters home soon and has been telling everyone they are coming back on Friday.  I had to explain to him that Daria’s eye doctor would need to see her one more time at the hospital on Saturday, and he seemed to understand this very well.  Jenn-Jen and I are working to slowly transition our son back into what will be the closest to a “normal” life as possible.

Tomorrow will be an exciting time for us, as Jenn-Jen and I will be spending the night right outside the NICU with the girls in a “rooming-in.”  Other than the nurses’ assessments every three hours, we will be fully responsible for the care of Katelynn and Daria.  Considering all we have been through, it is a nice comfort to know we have highly qualified medical staff only steps away.  We imagine this experience will be extremely boring for Adam, so he has happily agreed to spend the night with my parents.

In closing, I want to share a number of pictures taken since Daria and I returned from the John Muir Medical Center last Friday. 

 

Katelynn (left) and Daria (right) reunited after ten days in separate hospitals ( 05.09.08 )

Daria (right) giving Katelynn a gentle hug ( 05.09.08 )

Jenn-Jen holding a sleepy Katelynn ( 05.09.08 ) 

Katelynn doing the “car seat challenge” ( 05.12.08 )

Jenn-Jen holding a very alert Daria ( 05.13.08 )

May 12, 2008 – I waited patiently for the Lord…

Today, May 12, 2008 marks Katelynn and Daria’s official due date, and little did Jenn-Jen nor I expect our precious angels would be born one hundred six days early.  As I sit here in chair 4 outside the NICU of Sutter Memorial Hospital at 10:45 PM, I reflect back upon all of the hopes, fears, laughter and tears we have been through since January 28th.  Going back ten days before the girls were born, I remember how frightened we were when we learned Jenn-Jen would be admitted into the high-risk pregnancy unit and confined to strict bed rest for her pre-term labor.  So here I sit in this chair I have grown so accustomed to spending night after night, praying, weeping and rejoicing since late January, and I have the news we have been waiting for.  Katelynn and Daria are coming home this week!

It almost seems surreal that we are finally coming to the end of this chapter in the young lives of Katelynn and Daria.  I actually found out the good news first hand from the girls’ neonatologist when I came into the NICU around 9:20 PM tonight.  The doctor happened to be out and about near the front desk of the unit when we saw each other.  When he said we would be able to take Katelynn and Daria home on Thursday or Friday, time almost appeared to come to a standstill as the words made their impact in my brain in slow motion.  “Thursday or Friday? This week?”  I remember asking these fragmented questions almost in complete disbelief.  I expected the girls to be discharged in one to two weeks, not days from now.  After I recovered from the initial shock of the news, I quickly moved onto the next steps we would need to take between now and the anticipated homecoming.

We are still looking to do a “rooming-in” with the girls, which will be, in all likelihood, a twenty-four hour period between Wednesday and Thursday.  Realistically, Katelynn and Daria will come home on Friday, which leaves us some last-minute preparation time on Thursday. If you know Jenn-Jen well, you will probably expect her to not sleep a wink Thursday night.  Additionally, we would like to speak with the pediatric neurosurgeon about the leveling off in Katelynn’s head circumference growth before we leave the hospital.  With the rooming-in, we will make ourselves much more accessible to the doctor when he is available to meet with us.

Tonight, the girls will be doing their “car seat challenge,” where they will each need to be able to remain in an infant car seat within the NICU for one hour without having a desaturation or bradycardia (heart rate drop).  As I left the hospital at 1:30 AM, Katelynn had already been in the car seat for over thirty minutes and did just fine.  I expect there to be no issues from either of our twins.  

Our neonatologist also ordered a follow-up electro encephalogram (EEG) for Katleynn to make sure the seizure activity she experienced a while back is completely gone.  This will also help the neurologist determine if we can stop the very low daily dosage of phenobarbitol completely.  If all goes well, we will need to bring Katelynn in to see the pediatric neurosurgeon in a couple of months for an examination. 

WIth Daria’s second laser eye surgery roughly two weeks ago to remedy her retinopathy of prematurity (ROP), I wanted to make sure her eyes would be examined again before discharge.  If there is complete resolution, it will be approximately another three months before her retinas will need to be checked again.  Since the ophthalmologists typically do their examinations on the weekends, there is a slight possibility this may move the discharge day to Saturday, but we are not counting on it.

The girls have now been taken off fortified milk, which means they need to gradually up the volume of their breast milk feedings to increase their total caloric intake.  They are also on an ad lib feeding schedule every three to four hours, which means they can feed anytime within that frequency and take as much milk as they would like within a thirty minute period.  This change in their feeding structure will prepare them for the home environment and make things more manageable for Jenn-Jen and me when we bring back the twins. 

There has been much good news in a very short amount of time.  Tomorrow I will need to look through my workload and prepare to take some time off to help adjust our whole family to an entirely new dynamic.  Now that I am back home, wired and completely on adrenaline at 2:50 AM on Tuesday morning, thoughts are speeding through my mind without end.  I know I need to get my rest, but the sheer excitement of the homecoming is absolutely invigorating.  We have waited patiently for this news and thank our Lord for being faithful to us.  How appropriate it truly is to find out we get to bring home our Katelynn and Daria on their actual due date. 

In closing, I want to take us back to February 1st, only days after Katelynn and Daria were born.  On that day, amidst my fear and uncertainly, I cried out to God and found His peace.  Today, I reflect on the scripture that came to me then and give praise to Him for bringing us out of the mire of our despair:

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 40:1 New International Version

May 11, 2008 – Happy Mother’s Day

Coming back with Daria two days ago with the good news of her eyes taking well to the laser treatment has been an uplifting Mother’s Day gift.  Both Katelynn and Daria are still thriving and there is more talk about their discharge coming within the next two weeks.  So today, we celebrate Mother’s Day with our hearts hopeful and will be counting the days before we have our family of five under one roof. 

After attending a special Mother’s Day church service, Jenn-Jen, Adam and I met up with my my family for brunch.  I can already see how different next year will be when the girls are with us, but as for now, we must continue with our routine of visiting them at the hospital.  To help make the best use of our time, I took Adam to visit Katelynn and Daria during the afternoon while Jenn-Jen needed to attend to errands.  My mother came by to see the girls, along with one of my sisters, brother-in-law and nephew.  With it being feeding time, my family were able to see how well both Katelynn and Daria have improved with their ability to drink from a bottle. 

Before long, the nurses’ shift change crept up on us, so I decided to take Adam to nearby McKinley Park to play on the playground.  I was surprised to be able to find a parking spot fairly easily, given the amount of people enjoying their barbeques and picnics with their friends and family.  Sometimes I think about what life will be like when Katelynn and Daria are back, as I know the opportunities to spend time alone with Adam will be more scarce.  Until then, I am trying to enjoy these moments while my son is growing up quickly before my eyes.

Even though it has been tough to squeeze time to get things done, Adam and I wanted to show Jenn-Jen our appreciation by bringing her some roses for Mother’s Day and cooking her dinner.  For those of you that know me, I really enjoy a good barbeque but have not have much of an opportunity to do so since Katelynn and Daria were born.  From time to time, I would look at my Weber gas grill gathering dust in the garage and long to fire it up, but there would always be something more pressing.  Today, I decided to put aside those “somethings” and make dinner for my family. 

What I did not anticipate was the charred and very flammable build-up which had accumulated in the catch underneath the burners.  A couple of years ago, this build-up ignited and created a small inferno which required me to use our fire extinguisher to smother the flames.  Thankfully, this time, I caught the fire quick enough to be able to take a pair of tongs and remove the flaming catch, carefully place it into our portable outdoor fire pit and let it burn itself out.  Back on the Weber, some of the char caught between the “flavorizer bars” seated above the burners began to flame and flare up.  Having shut off the propane already, I assessed the situation and realized I would not need to run for the extinguisher.  After a minute of smoke and flames, everything burned itself out and I scraped off the remaining fuel load out of the catch into a container to dispose of safely in the garbage later. 

The whole time I was playing pyrotechnician and fire fighter outside, Jenn-Jen and Adam were busy and unaware inside the house.  This may have been a good thing, otherwise the drama may have magnified, especially with my five year old watching on as the flames shot up and smoke billowed in the air.  Additionally, there may be some questioning of my skills at the grill, which I would not be able to argue as being out of line.  Nonetheless, I am happy to report that my eyebrows were not singed and none of my neighbors have knocked on my door, wondering if they should increase the insurance coverage on their dwellings.  All kidding aside, the meal turned out very well and it felt great to cook. 

Jenn-Jen left for the hospital shortly after dinner, while Adam and I watched a little television together, washed up and read a new book he received from his aunt at the “Day Out with Thomas” yesterday.  I thoroughly enjoyed the quiet in the house, even if for a few hours.  Not long thereafter, Jenn-Jen returned and we talked for a little while about how breast feeding has been a little stressful, especially with the difficulties Katelynn is experiencing.  I am sure there will be more challenges ahead, but we will work through them as we always have.  It sure is good to be back home.

May 10, 2008 – Next steps towards homecoming

Jenn-Jen and I agreed to spend most of the morning and early afternoon to do some much needed housecleaning in preparation for Katelynn and Daria’s eventual homecoming.  Now that the nasal gastric tubes (NG) for both of the girls have been removed, they are relying solely on their own feeding ability to keep nourished.  The nurses are telling me that anything over forty five milliliters per feeding is considered an acceptable amount of milk for our girls to take.  What this equates to is eliminating one of the last issues that will keep Katelynn and Daria in the NICU.  We are getting close to bringing them home, and there is a chance they may even come home together. 

We still need to have the meeting with our neonatologist and pediatric neurosurgeon to discuss Katelynn’s head circumference, which has appeared to level off in its growth recently.  This meeting will not happen before Monday, but every time we see Katelynn, we cannot help but wonder what the news will be.  Jenn-Jen and I are just praying the ventricular shunt is not draining out too much cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) and putting Katleynn’s brain in any distress.  Perhaps we are worrying too much, but when it comes to these types of issues, it is extremely difficult not to be concerned.

We arrived at the hospital to find Katelynn and Daria sleeping soundly.  My father called to see if he could come and see the girls and met up with us shortly.  After spending the late afternoon with our angels, holding and bottle feeding each of them, Jenn-Jen and I met up with Adam, my mom and my sister Christina at my father’s restaurant for dinner.  With today being the day before Mother’s Day, business was bustling. 

Adam had a fun-filled day at the “Day Out With Thomas” event and shared his experiences and photos.  I really wanted to join him in the festivities today, but there was just too much on my plate that needs to be done.  I am very grateful my sister came up with the idea of taking Adam and appreciate all of her dedication in helping make life easier for me and Jenn-Jen. 

The day has gone by quickly and there is still much to do.  WIth church and a Mother’s Day brunch planned tomorrow, I must make the most out of the rest of the weekend to prepare for Katelynn and Daria to come home.  Things right now are really looking positive, and barring any unforeseen issues, I anticipate them back within the next two weeks.

As mentioned yesterday, I wanted to share some photos taken during the last couple of weeks:

Daria fast asleep on Jenn-Jen’s birthday ( 04.25.08 )

Katelynn working on her bottle ( 04.25.08 )

Adam and Dad at Rancho Seco Recreational Area ( 05.03.08 )

Adam’s first time fishing ( 05.03.08 )

Daria gets the all clear to return to Sacramento ( 05.08.08 )

 

Dad and Daria at the John Muir Medical Center, Walnut Creek, CA ( 05.08.08 )

 

May 9, 2008 – Daria’s return trip

Arriving at the John Muir Medical Center this morning, I was surprised not to see the nurse I had expected to accompany Daria on her transport back to Sacramento.  I hoped this would not be the first of more surprises to come today, but remained optimistic the ambulance would leave at 9:00 AM, as scheduled.  After briefly conferring with Daria’s nurse, I learned we were more or less on schedule, so I called back home to brief Jenn-Jen.  It has been one week and three days since Daria left Sutter Memorial Hospital, and we were anxious as ever to bring her back to be with her sister.

Once Daria was placed into her transport incubator rig, the team of three emergency medical technicians, Daria’s nurse from the Intensive Care Nursery and a respiratory therapist proceeded with my precious daughter down to the awaiting ambulance near the emergency room entrance.  Just as I had done so when Daria was brought to Walnut Creek, I hopped in my car and trailed behind the transport during the hour and twenty minute drive.  Thankfully, we left at a time of day when traffic was not an issue. 

Once we arrived back at Sutter Memorial Hospital, Jenn-Jen greeted us outside at the ambulance bay.  I was relieved to learn Daria did very well during the ride and was overjoyed to be back home.  Within minutes, we were upstairs back in the Special Care Nursery and our girls were reunited once more.  Throughout the past week and a half, I could not help but wonder if either of the twins can sense the other was gone.  Even if it is for the comfort of us as parents, just seeing them together again brings a warmth to my heart that it so difficult to describe in words. 

Daria received a bath from Jenn-Jen and I spent some time holding Katelynn, whom I have missed dearly.  As there were a number of work-related tasks I wanted to finish, I excused myself to make sure I completed everything in a timely fashion.  Knowing Jenn-Jen was spending time with both of the twins allowed me to feel refreshed and focused.  My mother also called and I asked her to come by to see Katelynn and Daria.  She spent some time holding each of the girls and talking to them in the special way only a grandmother would.

Before long, the afternoon came and went, and I left Jenn-Jen behind to go and pick up Adam from our friend’s home.  I am still so thankful for friends such as these who have made a sacrifice of time and energy to help us through our challenges.  We really do not know where we would be without the help and generosity all of you have provided.  Knowing Adam is spending time in a safe and nurturing environment where he can build relationships with others his age has been more of a blessing than I would have ever expected or felt we deserve.

Adam’s upcoming Saturday would be quite busy, with Chinese school in the morning and a special afternoon trip with his Aunt Christina to the “Day Out With Thomas” event in Woodland.  For those of you that do not know Adam, he has a special affinity to Thomas the Tank Engine since he was two.  While Adam is beginning to show signs he is growing out of Thomas, he was nonetheless very excited to hear that he would be going to this event.   Since he would be gone most of Saturday, I wanted to spend some time with him to do whatever he may be want. 

After I presented some options, Adam decided he would like to go out with me to have frozen yogurt, which was a wonderful plan.  Our son is really the epitome of keeping things simple.  I showed him the various yogurt flavors that were available to him and, as we would expect, he chooses Vanilla Bean.  As a chocoholic, I would put vanilla as a distant second or third choice, but Adam almost always insists on this as his favorite.  Moving onto the overwhelming choices of toppings, I  decided to add some Oreos and peanut butter sauce to my chocolate yogurt.  When I asked Adam what he would like, he chose the minimalist option and said “Nothing.  I just want the yogurt.”  As you can see, Adam is no ordinary child.  At his age, I would have loaded up my cup with as many different sweet, gooey and crunchy toppings as I could, but not my Adam.  Still, that is one of the many things I love about him. 

We happened to be near a gas station with a drive through car wash, and our minivan was in desperate need of cleaning.  The whole time I had been in Walnut Creek and Lafayette, the vehicle had remained fairly spot free except for several bug splatters on the windshield.  This morning however, happened to be trash pick up day in Lafayette, and for some odd reason, someone had what looked like a microwave meal that had what I would guess to be a cheddar cheese sauce.  The remainder of the container must have flown out of the garbage bin during pick up, and passing cars ran over it in such a way that it projected multiple streaks of orange-yellow cheese onto the driver side of our Odyssey.  I only had enough time to grab a napkin and wipe off what I could before going to the hospital.  To help me with the decision to go for the wash, I happened to park our car near a tree back in the parking lot at Sutter Memorial, so the passenger side of the minivan became a bombing range for the local bird population. 

Adam was quick to point out the multiple bird poop spots on the car, and he was always interested in going through a car wash.  You would not think it is that exciting, but my son loved watching the brushes, sprayers and blowers transform our gooey, poop-splattered Odyssey into its previous shiny splendor.  I must say that was the most enjoyable car wash I have ever participated in.  Once the water was blown off, we headed out to my parent’s home, where Adam would spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa to prepare for his busy Saturday.  He has really been such a good sport about not seeing Jenn-Jen and me as much as he used to, and for this, I am grateful for his adaptability.

I drove back to the hospital to see the girls briefly and wrap up a couple items from work.  As it has now become our routine, which will undoubtedly come to an abrupt end when Katelynn and Daria come home, Jenn-Jen and I had a nice dinner for two and came back to the hospital right after.  While my wife was pumping in the lactation room, I had the chance to hold both of my angels together, which I have not done in many weeks.  They sure have gained weight!  As Jenn-Jen came back later on, she bottle-fed Daria while I put Katelynn up to my chest.  It did not take long for me to realize how tired I was, so we called it a night and went home. 

There is still much to do and I know the month will not end before we have Katelynn and Daria home.  We just thank the Lord for bringing us through what seems like unending challenges.  God, we praise You for healing Daria’s eyes with the latest round of laser treatment and offer our thanks for bringing my family back together in the same city. 

p.s. – New pictures will be up by Saturday night.  I did not remember to bring my digital card reader or camera cable while I was in Walnut Creek.

May 8, 2008 – News of our return

As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, “Have mercy on us, Son of David!”  When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?”  “Yes, Lord,” they replied.  Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you”; and their sight was restored.

Matthew 9:27-30 New International Version

Today, God shows me once again how He answers prayers.  I have read the Bible passage above several times in prayer while I have been here in Walnut Creek, and each time I ask the Lord to heal Daria’s eyes, I remind myself that my God is “able to do this.”  It is my unwavering belief that through the skill of the ophthalmologist, firmly guided by the omnipotent hand of God, Daria’s eyesight has been saved.  Throughout my time here, I have battled with the thought knowing that God may keep Daria from losing her vision, but what if He chooses not to?  I am thankful and full of joy that the Lord has chosen to grant me the answer I was seeking.  Nonetheless,  I have had to tell myself that God is God and I am not, so there may come a time when His answer may not be the one I want.  I just ask for the strength to be able to remain faithful and trusting whatever His answer may be.

With the good news from the ophthalmologist, I learned that Daria will be returning to our home hospital in Sacramento tomorrow morning.  There will still be the need for ongoing eye examinations for Daria to make sure her retinopathy of prematurity (ROP) does not worsen, but I am eager to bring my girl back to Sacramento.  The transport team is scheduled to bring Daria back via ambulance at approximately 9:00 AM and I will, once again, follow behind in my car.  I was very happy to learn that my favorite nurse here at the John Muir Medical Center will be riding in the ambulance with Daria.  This nurse has been very caring with my daughter, and in my observations of her interactions with Daria and other babies in the nursery, I feel reassured to have her nearby during the seventy five mile drive back to Sacramento.

Jenn-Jen and I are just thrilled to have such a quick resolution, as we were expecting to hear from the busy doctor tomorrow regarding Daria’s eyes.  This pleasant surprise will make a wonderful Mother’s Day gift for my wife, as I am sure she would want nothing more than to have her family back.  Even if Katelynn and Daria are not at the point where they can come home, it simply warms my heart to know that they will be reunited in the same crib once again.  Hopefully, the next time we need to separate them will be for the sole reason that they have outgrown sleeping together in one crib.

Speaking of growth, I am amused to find the girls are once again neck and neck with their weights.  Katelynn weighed in last night at 6 pounds 3.5 ounces, or 2822 grams, while Daria came in at 6 pounds 5 ounces, or 2870 grams.  It just amuses me to see them gaining weight in tandem and I just cannot wait to see them snuggling close together.  Can you tell I love having twins?

As the day will be exciting tomorrow, I will try my best to get some sleep to prepare for the trip in the morning.  Please pray we will have a safe journey home.

May 7, 2008 – Waiting for the results

I spoke with the chief neonatologist here at the John Muir Medical Center and learned that the retinal specialist that performed Daria’s laser surgery is going to come and assess her eyes on Thursday or Friday.  If all goes well, we may have Daria transported back to our hospital in Sacramento by the end of the weekend.  I am excited, but am trying not to get my hopes up.

Katelynn is really preparing herself to come home soon.  She is taking milk through bottle feedings well, and has not required the use of her nasal gastric (NG) tube since its removal a couple of days ago.  While she is still not very interested in breast feeding, the fact that she can use the bottle is enough for our neonatologist to say that she may be home within the next couple of weeks.  This is wonderful news, but we are concerned what issues this may cause if Daria is not back, at least at our hospital back home.  We are still anxious to meet with the pediatric neurosurgeon to talk about the state of Katelynn’s head circumference.  It really may not be an issue, but we just need to hear it from him directly.

One of my sisters came to visit tonight and held Daria for the first time.  She has been a little nervous to handle the girls because of their small size, but Daria is looking more and more like a full-term newborn now.  Now if I could only get my sister to change a soiled diaper, that would be wonderful.

Juggling work remains a challenge and I really do not know where all the time goes.  I have relatively quiet places to work from at the hospital, and am now consistently spending at least twelve to thirteen hours each day there.  As much as I know this will be temporary, I praying for some answers to help me feel there is an end to all of this.  I really miss Jenn-Jen, Adam and Katelynn.

May 6, 2008 – Day 100

Katelynn and Daria are officially one hundred days old today, and after such a long journey, we are seeing progressive signs leading us to the day when we can bring the girls home.  As much as I look forward to the time when we no longer need to come out the the hospital, or hospitals as it currently stands, I still have have serious concerns.  First of all, we heard from our neonatologist back home in Sacramento and he is stating some concerns about Katelynn’s head circumference not growing as he would normally expect.  Hearing this directly from the physician is particularly worrisome, but we are trying to pull together a meeting between him, our pediatric neurosurgeon who put in Katelynn’s ventricular shunt, Jenn-Jen and me.  The problem is, as this point, I am still here in Walnut Creek and am waiting to hear back from Daria’s ophthalmologist regarding the prognosis of her eyes.  Once I receive an indication regarding a discharge plan for Daria, whether it is back to Sutter Memorial Hospital in Sacramento or otherwise, I can get a better sense of when I should come back to meet with Katelynn’s doctors.

As you are aware, Katelynn’s grade 4 intraventricular hemorrhage (IVH) led to her subsequent diagnosis of hydrocephalus, which required a ventricular shunt be put in to relieve the pressure built up by her cerebrospinal fluid (CSF).  The shunt has, to our knowledge, been working as it should, but our concern is whether it may be draining too much CSF.  Katelynn’s fonatanelle appears to be somewhat sunken and the latest concern by her neonatologist does not give us much reassurance.  Of course, the pediatric neurosurgeon is the expert when it comes to matters involving hydrocephalus and the brain, so we are anxious to hear from him directly as soon as possible.

This new development with Katelynn, unfortunately, comes at time when Jenn-Jen and I already feel strain physically, emotionally and mentally.  It has been one week since Daria was transported out here to Walnut Creek, and while I am thankful to be here for her, my family back home weighs on my heart heavily.  The most difficult aspect of this is not knowing when this separation will come to an end.  I have asked several of Daria’s nurses if there has been any indication her ophthalmologist has scheduled time to examine the results of her laser retinal surgery, but each time I have been told there is no news.  Feeling a need to push a little harder, I have the neonatologist working to get an answer for me, hopefully before the end of Wednesday.  We just need to know so we can try to plan our next steps.  In the meantime, Jenn-Jen and I are beginning to feel the wear of waiting and could certainly use your continuing prayer support.

If you are able and willing, please also pray for a family brought to my attention by my colleague in Lawrenceville, Georgia, near Atlanta.  Pastor Young Choi and his wife Yu Ran recently became parents to their triplets, Chase, Charissa and Chelsea.  Unfortunately, the babies were born extremely premature at twenty four weeks gestation.  Chase seems to be doing the best, Charissa is battling to keep her blood pressure regulated, but Chelsea is fighting a devastating infection.  The latest news from their doctor is that Chelsea is facing only a twenty percent chance of survival, and if she does, she is expected to face damage to her brain and other organs.  Even though I just “met” this family and exchanged an e-mail with Pastor Young, I feel a heavy burden to pray for them.  Looking back to my post back on January 29th (http://owyang.wordpress.com/2008/01/31/january-29-2008-the-emotional-roller-coaster-with-no-end-in-sight/), I remember the moment Jenn-Jen and I faced the overwhelming news of Katelynn’s bacterial infection.  This news came a day after the twins’ birth and we faced the strong possibility of losing our daughter.  Reading through the Choi family’s blog (http://chasecharissachelsea.blogspot.com/) has opened up old emotional wounds and I spent some time asking God to heal Chelsea if it is in His will.  This family will continue to be in my prayers.

May 5, 2008 – Differing hospitals, differing approaches

Good evening once again from Lafayette and Walnut Creek.  I have kept myself busy throughout the day with work and time spent visiting Daria.  While I have grown accustomed to working on the road, I am now actively taking steps to bring my lifestyle back to a healthier level, especially as it relates to what I am eating.  Most of my days are now spent at the hospital from early morning until late evening, so with the aid of Google maps and my trusty GPS unit, I am striving to avoid unhealthy fast food whenever possible.  I have located Safeway and Trader Joe’s supermarkets close by to the hospital as well as my friends’ home, and today I went to the latter to pick up my lunch.  To make sure I am avoiding the intake of excessive amounts of cholesterol, saturated fats and even carbohydrates, I made the conscious decision to take the time to look through the nutrition labels of a few meal choices.  I joke with Jenn-Jen whenever we eat fast food to never look at those labels for the sake of enjoying the meal in complete ignorance, but the memory of doing so actually provided me a much-needed nudge to my conscience to be mindful of what I am eating.  There is something I just cannot pinpoint about Trader Joe’s that makes me want to make good nutritional choices, so I even opted to add a Fuji apple and banana to my lunch. 

All of this just reminds me so much of the early days after Katleynn and Daria were born.  Back then, I could have cared less about keeping a healthy diet, but inside there was a part of me that remembered the promise I made myself last year to avoid the potential issues of metabolic syndrome.  So, even though extra effort is involved, I am sticking to my plan to keep my weight, cholesterol and blood sugar levels at an even keel and avoid getting a stern scolding from my family physician.

Well, that should be enough said about my current health situation and I will now focus on the updates with Katelynn and Daria.  Starting off with their current weights, Katelynn is now quite lighter than Daria.  She weighed in last night at 5 pounds 14.8 ounces, or 2688 grams.  Daria, on the other hand, broke another pound mark a couple days ago and is now at 6 pounds 2.8 ounces, or 2802 grams.  I still remember how Daria used to be consistently lighter than Katelynn by approximately 100 grams, and now it seems their roles have reversed.

We are still anxiously awaiting to hear from the retinal specialist regarding when Daria will have her eyes examined.  In the meantime, Daria is still receiving prednisolone (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/medmaster/a682794.html) eye drops to help prevent any irritation in her eyes after her laser surgery.  They have discontinued using the cyclomydril pupil dilating drops (http://www.drugs.com/cdi/cyclomydril.html), as it they typically administer this only the first couple of days after the surgery to help the pupil dilate and contract properly. 

In terms of the girls path to regular nipple feedings, we are seeing differing approaches between the two hospitals.  Daria has been very sleepy during many of her alternating bottle feeds, and the staff at John Muir Medical Center take on a cue-based approach where they try not to put too much pressure on the babies to take on the nipple.  As a result, Daria will typically take part of bottle, become very lethargic and have the rest of her feeding fed to her by gavage/pumping. 

Katelynn’s situation back home is an entirely different story.  Our neonatologist put in the order to have Katelynn’s nasal gastric tube removed so that all of her feedings are by bottle or breast.  Several of our nurses do not think our daughter is ready for this yet, and Jenn-Jen reaffirms this with her experience today.  Katleynn is not showing much interest in breastfeeding and we feel that she is being pushed a little too hard.  The doctor believes that the removal of the tube will help Katelynn not depend on it, and with this approach, we believe he is trying to prepare her to come home soon.  Jenn-Jen is going to try to speak with him in person to get a better understanding of his position, while presenting her concerns regarding Katelynn’s lack of enthusiasm.  Additionally, she still wants to ask the doctor about Katelynn’s prognosis for her retinopathy of prematurity. 

TIme is once again moving at a very fast clip and I realize I have not posted any recent pictures.  Since we have the girls in two different hospitals seventy five miles apart from each other and only one digital camera, it is going to be a challenge to capture separate photos of Katelynn and Daria.  Still, I will make an effort to put up what I have taken recently, so watch for those shortly.  In the meantime, I will try to get some rest in preparation for undoubtedly another long day of working and waiting.  At least I am comforted in knowing that I am only minutes away from Daria and still cannot imagine if she were here all alone.

May 4, 2008 – Sending my wife off

After grabbing some coffee and a quick breakfast, Jenn-Jen and I drove over to the John Muir Medical Center to spend the morning and early afternoon with Daria.  Of the three hundred twenty four beds in the hospital, approximately twenty two of them are in the Intensive Care Nursery (ICN).  The facility is impressive and more modern in appearance than our aging Sutter Memorial Hospital back in Sacramento, but is roughly a third the size of the NICU where Katelynn still resides.  All of the medical staff here have been very courteous and professional and I feel reassured seeing numerous awards the hospital has received. 

Daria is still doing well, and Jenn-Jen was very happy to be able to successfully nurse her in the morning.  We are hearing rumblings that the retinal physician will examine Daria’s eyes on Wednesday, but there is nothing official on her charts yet.  In the meantime, she is still taking eye drops to help with her post laser surgery recovery.  I left the names of the medications behind at the hospital, so I Will put those up in the next post. 

We are still unsure regarding Katelynn’s retinopathy of prematurity (ROP).  There has not been any word whether the ophthalmologists plan to come by to check Katelynn’s eyes, but her nurse informed us that there are notes indicating the ROP has resolved.  Jenn-Jen will plan on tracking down our neonatologist to get the final word as soon as possible.

The day went by quickly, as I had anticipated, and it was not long before I had to take Jenn-Jen to the Amtrak station in Martinez, roughly ten miles away from the hospital.  The 2:44 PM Sacramento-bound train arrived promptly and I bid my wife farewell until we have a clearer sense of direction from Daria’s doctor here in Walnut Creek.  From Martinez, the train ride is a little over an hour with only two stops in between.  For the sixteen dollar one-way fare, I may consider having Jenn-Jen and Adam come out for another visit, should Daria need to remain here longer.

Back here at my friends’ home in Lafayette, it was nice to see them return after a fun weekend trip to Monterey and Santa Cruz.  It really has been a blessing to have their generous hospitality and just having one less thing to think or worry about is invaluable.  Now, if there was a way for me not to be too anxious about Daria’s laser surgery results, that would take a huge load off of my chest.  I continue to pray for both Katelynn and Daria’s development and ask that God to heal and allow them to come home soon.

May 3, 2008 – Three kids in three different places

Greetings once again from Lafayette/Walnut Creek.  Jenn-Jen and I are here together after a very busy, but fun-filled day.  I spent most of the early afternoon with Adam at the Rancho Seco Recreational Area (http://www.smud.org/about/recreation-rancho.html), which is owned and operated by our local provider of electricity, the Sacramento Municipal Utility District (SMUD).  For those of unfamiliar with Rancho Seco, a fully functional nuclear power plant sat on this 2100 acre location set twenty five miles southeast of downtown Sacramento.  From the time it began producing commercial power back in 1977 through its closure and decommission in 1989, I recall moments during my early teen years when there would be occasional nervous chatter regarding how unsafe we might be in case of a catastrophic meltdown.  Nowadays, there is a 160 acre lake adjacent to the two very prominent reactor towers, and the adjoining 400 acre recreational area now serves as a campground and regional park for public use.

Although I am told the lake is stocked with rainbow trout and there are resident largemouth bass, Adam and I found none that were willing to nibble at our hooks.  I really cannot blame the fish, since they are dealing with such novice adversaries on the other end of the line.  Maybe it is better for me to just blame it on the windy conditions or the multiple kayaks and canoes floating right by our fishing spot, but either way, we had a great time.  The park-like setting around the lake makes it a very family friendly location to spend a day and I almost felt as if I could convince onlookers I bring in fish on a regular basis.  Of course, it helped my cause to see none of the other anglers had caught any fish either.

After letting Adam sleep during the drive back, we met up with Jenn-Jen at home and had just enough time for me to take a quick shower and pack a few things.  I drove Adam over to my parents for the night, while Jenn-Jen drove herself to the hospital to gather the supply of breast milk we would bring to Daria in the evening.  I am still so proud of Adam for how flexible he has been with all of the shuttling around during the past few months.  We have really asked much from him and he just about never complains or even shows us signs to make us worry.  I really could not ask for more out of him.

As I met up with Jenn-Jen, I was able to spend maybe fifteen minutes or so holding Katelynn.  I did not realize how much I missed the rest of my family until I had to say goodbye for the next few days.  The dreaded shift change was coming up and we really needed to head out to Walnut Creek.  At least there was no traffic during the drive and Daria was very awake when we arrived.  During our journey, Jenn-Jen was able to share about the good time she had with friends and family at her baby shower.  It is funny to think that after having Adam, Katelynn and Daria, this is actually Jenn-Jen’s first and only shower. 

It may seem to be so rushed for be for Jenn-Jen to be here in Walnut Creek, only to return to Sacramento tomorrow afternoon, but I am so thankful I have her company.  We did get to have a late dinner out and had some more uninterrupted time to talk.  With our three kids in three different places, we have come to the point where we do not think we can ever say we are are bored or have nothing to do.  I can only wonder what God is preparing us for as we are in this waiting period with the girls.   Throughout our conversation, Jenn-Jen still impresses me with her emotional strength through the separation of the girls, and I find myself wishing I had more.  After dinner, it was touching to see her spend time holding and talking to Daria, which has not happened since Tuesday afternoon.  Just hearing Jenn-Jen tell me how much this visit helped in easing her concerns was worth its weight in gold.  Tomorrow will be very time constrained, but we will do our best with what we have, as we have for the last few months.