February 21, 2008 – Together

After three weeks and three days, a significant milestone occurred.  When Jenn-Jen and I arrived at the hospital this morning, the nurse was pleased to inform us that Katelynn and Daria would be co-bedded, which means the two girls will get to share one incubator.  This was very heart-warming, as the twins have not been that close together since January 28th, the day they were born.  We have been looking forward to this day for weeks now, and hope that there will be no major setbacks going forward.  So as long as neither Katelynn or Daria are on a ventilator, they will be resting snuggly together in their incubator bed. 

Before the big move this afternoon, I was able to watch our neonatologist draw eight milliliters of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) mixed with blood from Katelynn’s ventricular access device (VAD).  The procedure was fairly quick and seemed painless to Katelynn, but as a parent, it naturally makes me a little edgy when a sharp needle is inserted into my daughter’s scalp.  The VAD is very prominent and looks like a dime-sized bump, so it is easily accessible.  Because the needle is very thin, the puncture into the device seals by itself.  As a precaution to prevent any deadly infection of the CSF, the doctor wears sterile gloves and there is quite a bit of disinfecting before and after the draw.  I will need to ask how long they anticipate needing to draw the fluid and if there are any signs that lead them to believe a more permanent ventricular shunt will be necessary.

Katelynn is also demonstrating remarkable respiratory strength, and the order came in to remove her from the nasal cannula completely.  So as of this afternoon, she is breathing completely on her own without any supplemental oxygen or pressure.  Of course, she is still being monitored for her respiratory rate and oxygen saturation, as premature babies often have episodes of apnea and stop breathing.  During the whole time Jenn-Jen and I were at the hospital, we did not see one issue with Katelynn’s breathing.  This is a welcome relief, but I wish I could say the same for Daria.

Daria’s oxygen saturation has been an ongoing issue.  Even though she remains on the nasal cannula, we saw a number of desaturations, which prompted the nurses to try different remedies.  They increased the oxygen percentage as needed, changed Daria’s positioning and used suction to remove mucus congestion from her nose and mouth.  Each of these techniques would help, but the results seemed somewhat temporary.  She would settle down and do fine for a while and then her numbers would drop, prompting the monitor alarm to go off.  I hope that her respiratory system will continue to develop and become stronger so that she will not need to be put back on the bubble CPAP.  Maybe having Katelynn in the bed will provide her with some encouragement and comfort.

As promised, the girls were co-bedded when Jenn-Jen and I took a break for lunch.  It was so heart-warming to finally see them together, and I thought to myself if they feel more secure with each other being so close.  I’m not sure if it’s already a sign of personality development, but Katelynn seems to be much more active than Daria.  As Daria is quietly resting, only to open her eyes every so often to take a peek around, Katelynn is testing out her voice and reaching out towards her sister.  We wondered if Daria noticed how noisy it suddenly became around her.  Fortunately, after a little time had passed, both of our precious angels began to sleep peacefully.  As Jenn-Jen and I watched them, I couldn’t help but notice the new bedding around the twins.  I turned to my wife, pointed to the butterflies on the sheets and the two of us smiled.

Before we knew it, the nurses shift change came and we knew we had to prepare to leave.  Jenn-Jen went downstairs to pump milk and I kept envisioning the signs of butterflies I have seen throughout the weeks.  I felt a strong prompting to find a quiet place to pray and went upstairs to the seventh floor.  Two days ago, I decided to explore around the hospital and my curiosity drew me to the chapel.  The seventh floor is the tallest part of Sutter Memorial Hospital, and is comprised mostly of conference rooms, an auditorium, the Chaplain’s office and the adjoining chapel room.  I had never been in a hospital chapel before, but I found this small room to be a very comforting place of solace.  There are four rows of pews, complete with fold-down, padded kneeling benches for those that prefer to pray on their knees.  The walls have a number of Scriptures to remind the weary and heavy-laden of God’s strength and comfort.  Very quiet and solemn instrumental music plays in the background, and the lights are dim, evoking a calm that I have sought long and hard in the harsh and institutional hospital environment.  During each of the past two days, I have made time to come up to the chapel to spend some much-needed time with God.

As I was sitting alone in the second pew, I took out my Bible and began to pray in thanksgiving that God had given me the family I have.  I thanked Him for giving me a loving and supportive wife, a bright and caring son, and two strong and beautiful daughters.  During these past few weeks, I have learned so much about my weakness and just how much I needed the Lord to pull me through our family crisis.  I wholeheartedly believe that I had to surrender the whole situation to God, as I had no alternative except to put my trust in Him alone.  While I appreciate many of you reaching out to Jenn-Jen and me with encouragement and words of admiration for our faith, I can tell you that I have never been more scared in my life.  Still, as only God will do, He turned my fear into an opportunity to grow closer to Him.  In the past twenty years since I became a follower of Christ, I can truly say my relationship to my Lord has not been stronger than it is now.  Daily, I still struggle with doubt and I still battle with sin, but I am learning to give this and all my burdens to my Savior.  In return, He gave me serenity in that small sanctuary and prompted me to read the Scripture:

“Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 New International Version

Tonight, I was also drawn to revisit a version of the famous Footprints poem and wanted to share it here:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, He looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

Goodnight my dear friends and family.